Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

Post Reply New Topic

I think he refers to 'you don't deserve a gf vibes' rather than 'why would you want one?'

Correct.

And I had actually used to be one of the people who promoted the idea that you don't need a girlfriend/boyfriend to be happy, and I still think it's true for some people. But now I'm not sure if that's true for me. You see, I used to think that I could find a way to just "get over" my loneliness and accept my fate as a loner... but so far, that just hasn't been possible. I've tried to "Cyber-out" my emotional needs, but I cannot deny that I have them and that they aren't being met. And because of other single Aspie guys who are older but still haven't gotten over their loneliness, it makes me wonder if there's any way out of this at all. I don't know...

There's no easy way out. The only way out is to get out there, meet people, take risks, make mistakes, make a total ass of yourself over and over again - but each time you epic fail with a girl, you learn something from that experience and bring what you learned to your next attempt, and eventually you will probably succeed.

Dating is like anything else in life, it's hard work, and you have to expose yourself to all that negativity that comes from people etc if you want to be in the ball game. I think it's hard work for NT guys too, girls don't just fall into a guys lap (unless he's one of those lucky 2% that get girls without trying).

I've never really been fully immersed in the dating game, but i know this is how it is with friendships.

I think there is a way out of it, but the first steps are never going to be easy and not always positive. I think you deserve a great woman in your life Cyberman, and I'm sitting here quietly in NZ cheering you on

Thank you. I appreciate your support.

me too

I dated a very nice guy. I don't agree that nice also mean shy and confident, comfortable with himself etc is a trait only for the jerks and others similar to them. He was and still is, wonderful, nice, caring person and yes, normal too which is essential i think. We broke up as a couple because at the time we only could be together long-distance and it was too exhausting since we both had difficult time in our lives. We're still friends though and had times been different I'm sure I'd still be with this very nice guy

oh and he was and is confident as well

"Nice" is ambiguous enough that it can be taken to mean quite a lot of things. I guess this topic refers to "you're a nice guy, but..." but that could mean anything, especially if the person saying this was being polite which people often are.

Very good point. In 'you're a nice guy, but', nice can mean anything from 'you're just barely civil enough to not belong in the zoo' to 'you're a wuss' to 'you're a good, honest person,' etc. Those that complain about nice guys finishing last tend to mean, I think, 'kind and courteous, and doesn't use people' and those that respond to these complaints tend to mean 'spineless coward with no opinions of his own' - often with the assumption that if you're not a jerk, then you're a spineless coward (implying all men are jerks, some brave enough to act like jerks, some not).

Girls using the word "nice" to mean something bad is one of the most ingenious and evil tricks their gender has ever done. Same with saying they want a "confident" guy. It's really all BS. What they really mean by this is she thinks that...
-you are ugly
-you are boring
-you don't play mind games (same as boring)
Some guys may truly be "too nice" to dates than is good for them, but I think that is the exception. The above is much more likely.

I have tried being too nice, nice, being assertive, being a jerk, and being brutally honest and saying I just wanted to get laid. None of these worked for long, most didn't work at all (especially the last one). My only success with women has been when the girl really pursued me through flirting, and made it easy for me to get a date or in one case, sex. My point is, I don't think it even matters what approach you use as much as if you fit the narrow criteria "all women" apparently want now, which if you are reading this, you probably don't.

One of the things that women expect in a man is for him to stand up for her if someone were to pick a fight with her, disrespect her, etc. At least most of the women I know this is the case. Nice guys tend to not do this as often as bad guys.

If I were walking on the street with my SO and someone were to come up to me and shove me, I fully expect him to react with aggression towards that person. If he didn't I would be very disappointed in him. Nice guys would likely try to avoid the person instead of react. Going to caveman terms, aggressive men often made the best hunters. Same with strong men. So I think that's at least partially why women are naturally drawn to them. What's the dream man for a ton of women out there? A pro athlete.

That's it! That's the answer!! Women don't want lovers... they want bodyguards! (and nannies, and butlers, and chauffeurs...)

Those women are very insecure about the world. They don't like being treated badly, but they fear the world more. The tough-guy as*hole as a partner is a comfort to the insecure, low-self esteem woman because he represents protection from the predators and abusers out there who she fears will treat her worse. That is why a wife beater always tell his woman that if she leaves him, other men will treat her worse than he does. That kind of insecurity and low self-esteem is what is plaguing the women who stay with abusive jerks.

Most women can't be attracted to a man once he mistreats her or lets someone else mistreat her. That is what sexual harassers don't understand. Once they are mean to a woman, it's a deal killer, for most women.

Maybe they keep pushing out of a misconception that all women, not just low-self-esteem, insecure ones, are attracted to men who are as*holes?

Having only read the first post, I disagree.

I consider myself a "nice guy" and even though my social skills are not the best, I have been told I'm "sweet" by girls and they seem to like me for it

Yea nice guys do finish last so just be a good guy instead. Not a "nice" guy.