Why do they marry them?

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It's rreally amazing how women are so quick to attack my post

@nick007, you weren't being attacked, I was.

I might of misread her post. It's not uncommon for my post to get attacked in the L&D section. I tend to get PMs from a couple women accusing me of being misogynist whenever any woman disagrees with something I've said in this section

I agree with you on this completely. I think that was my end point. The only partner worth having is one who will accept you for who you are. I have that as well. The truth is finding an accepting partner is really key.

If you have any questions about what I meant by something I wrote, you're more than welcome to PM me and I'll clarify. I don't think you're misogynistic and there wasn't any sexism in what you said. I was just making the point that you can't form a rule based on the exceptions.

I know what you were saying. A lot of us did. And a lot of us agreed with you, too, especially how your point relates to the OP. There is something to be said for partners inspiring each other to be better; but, we improve for each other because we love each other, not because it's demanded of us as a condition of receiving love. Improvement comes after comfort, I think.

Wonderful. So everyone continues with this conversation and in the meantime, my last comment gets ignored. Guys, please read and understand what other people are trying to say before you attack them.

What do you think we missed? That aspies feel bad for not meeting their NT partner's demands and expectations? I thought it was a given and a very good point that you added to starygrrl's comments. She's said already that it's not a matter of aspies wanting to do it but being able to do it, a point which Grisha also supported. If we're not able to remember, if we're not able to go that extra step to make it happen... what good are we to someone who makes their love conditional on those things? Those kinds of relationships are very difficult, as you've described. I'd generally urge someone who is single to avoid a relationship with someone who creates conditions that are impossible to meet, and instead seek out someone who is more compatible and accepting. But... now I feel like I'm repeating myself. I didn't ignore your last comment, Jono, and wouldn't ever want you to feel like I did. I just didn't see where you'd said anything that needed a special acknowledgment since it was so in sync with the discussion. Maybe you can elaborate?

So true. It's really difficult to become a better version of yourself when you're stressed out all the time and feel like you're being set up for failure.

I’m sorry, @Jono. Honestly, I didn’t respond to your comments because I didn’t want you to get attacked for acknowledging there’s any value to any of the comments I’ve made. That's the sad, ugly truth.

As far as the “I love you,” issue….maybe it would help to think of it as, “I still love you,” rather than, “I love you.” The thing is, situations change, people change, couples endure hardships together, you can’t get to the gym as often when you have kids….frankly, people fall out of love. Life can be difficult – and it’s always changing, so I do find it comforting to hear, “I love you,” from my partner occasionally – just to be sure that he still does. Consider it a reaffirmation of your choice to be with your partner…a reassurance that he’s still happy to be with me. It’s also just something that’s plain old nice to hear, like someone telling you that you did a great job on something.

As far as your comments about putting special dates in your phone (there’s an app for that) or on your calendar or whatever – thank you. Thank you for understanding my point. I wouldn’t expect an Aspie to suddenly change their way of thinking about anniversaries or birthdays, and/or why they should remember them. Let your phone do it for you. And when that reminder pops up, call your mom to wish her a happy birthday. That’s all she really wants – an acknowledgement of her birthday from her son. Will it matter to her that your phone did the heavy lifting? No – because you cared enough about acknowledging her birthday to buy an app and put her birthday in it, and then you made the phone call. You didn’t have to re-train your brain to care about birthdays; she got her birthday greeting – it’s a win/win.

This would be hilarious, it if weren’t so insulting. Why do you think - in your wildest misinterpretations of reality - that NT women don’t love their Aspie partners? Do you truly believe that only Aspie women love their NT partners? Is it only in an Aspie woman/NT man relationship in which partners want to “improve for each other” – because they love each other? Do you really not understand that NT women have the exact same expectation? They love their partners deeply. They have sacrificed – in some situations – enormously to accommodate their partner’s needs. They have compromised and compromised and compromised. Why are they wrong for wanting their partners to make an effort to “improve” for them? Why is it okay for you to have that expectation, or for your partner to have that expectation? Do you even read the posts written by NT women? These women aren’t demanding – they’re begging. They’re not creating conditions that are “impossible to meet” – they’re asking for small concessions, like coming home for dinner.

@wefunction, you and @starygrrl act as though NT women who have needs are reprehensible, demanding shrews. Apparently your NT partners have needs that you’ve “improved” to meet – but your NT partners are completely awesome, as are their needs. I suggest that Aspie men should be prepared to make compromises in order to make a relationship work with an NT, and you and @starygrrl – who by the way, are not in relationships with Aspie men – both go on the attack. I wouldn’t care to count the number of times @starygrrl questioned my intellectual ability to comprehend the mind of an Aspie, or your immediate descent into name calling and personal attacks. And now you reveal that you actually make compromises in your own relationship – to meet the needs of your incredibly awesome NT partner. So when you compromise, or talk about compromising, or acknowledge the need for compromise in an Aspie/NT relationship - it's all good. But God help the NT woman who does the same, eh? Such hypocrisy.

Unfortunately for Aspie men, you and @starygrrl and @emlion and lots of the female Aspies here who are in successful relationships don’t date Aspies. Again, unfortunately for Aspie men, there don’t seem to be enough Aspie women to date all the Aspie men, and/or perhaps Aspie women aren’t particularly interested in dating Aspie men. That means that most Aspie men who are interested in having a relationship will be dating NT women. Why would you discourage Aspie men from making compromises in a relationship with an NT – when you make compromises in order to make your Aspie/NT relationship work?

I would if I was single and found one I was attracted to.
I wouldn't think 'oh crap he's an aspie, let's run.'
& i don't think you're qualified to make that assessment about me.
So leave me out of it, thanks.

Well, KNOWING its AS and not makes a big difference I think.Id have more understanding with someone who has, then I would have with someone who I may suspect just does not care enough about certain tings.

Good grief some serious sack of potatoes on those shoulders

@emlion, it would be helpful if you would respond to what I've written: what I wrote was that you are in a successful relationship, but not with an Aspie. You have always indicated that your current relationship is monogamous, and it is with an NT. I'm sorry, have I misunderstood you? Are you dating an Aspie as well?

What I didn't say was that you wouldn't date an Aspie, if given the chance; I didn't say you chose your partner because he was NT. There wasn't any "assessment" about you or your dating preferences - it was a statement of fact (one that you've made countless times in this forum): your current successful relationship is with an NT. @starygrrl's and @wefunction's successful relationships are with NTs.

But since you bring it up, have you dated an Aspie? Have any of the Aspie women who are so vocally commenting in this thread ever dated an Aspie man?

I have no idea. I never knew what one even was until I was in my current relationship.