Would you dump someone who got fat?

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There could be a touch of that but I don't think "You did it to yourself" is in any way a fair or accurate representation of how it works either. People do things to each other from ages where they're too young to have thoughts of the kind of sophistocation that it takes to swing their environments under control. School's a whole other problem as its socially a bit like prison-lite in a lot of places. Add these things together, have a society that's filled with mixed messages beating you from every side and for even being two opposite things at the same time, and create it to *want* to back away from you as it classifies and judges you and you pretty much have a situation that's difficult if not impossible for almost anyone to dig their way out of.

As people become adults that active judgement becomes more passive generally but ends up manifesting itself more as a hair-trigger radar, typecasting other people, and scurrying away when perceived 'undesirables' are around. Its not just something that happens to aspies - it happens to NT's by NT, by aspies as well, all day long.

Essentially as an adult - how you were treated as a kid, what and who you were allowed to be, even if you put a fight up for your own identity and met violent opposition, all of these things are housed in your demeanor, in your mannerisms, in ways that people seem to recognized almost preconsciously - to the point where they either like or dislike a person and really may often have no clue why; they just do. Climbing out of that would just about take going back in time and throwing a wrench in the causal gears of your past to avoid or 'fix' what people did to you one way, all the while crossing your fingers and hoping something better came of the later option (Ashton Kutcher in 'Butterfly Effect' rings a bell here).

With most well-functioning people (ie. people without much self-improvement room left to be exercised) I really think that their crosscurrents in life are generally first and foremost what's been done to them by other people, then a combination of both their defense mechanisms and then simply their lack of data or even wiring that is built to conceive a 'them' in a different paradigm let alone be there functionally - to other people's standards of social whole-hat perfection.

It's possible for someone to gain weight, a partner to bring it up with the other partner that gained weight, that partner not caring and continuing to do it and then that partner dumping them.

It's more complex an issue than "oh they dumped me for my weight therefore they are shallow". Sure, if they outright dumped you the moment you got bigger and they didn't even make the effort to raise it with you for whatever reason there is a real communication barrier with that person and they are indeed shallow.

everyone changes. have you seen an 80 year old man naked? even if he is as fit as a fiddle, he sure as heck doesn't look like he is 20.

everyone changes. have you seen an 80 year old man naked? even if he is as fit as a fiddle, he sure as heck doesn't look like he is 20.

Why would you want to see an 80 year old naked? I think I'd rather die.

Yeah, but I think it's a safe assumption that this thread was not about the gradual changes wrought by aging but more likely about dramatic changes happening over a a relatively short period of time.

what an awful thing to say.

Meh. If I could have lived in the Logan's run world I'd have done that in a heart beat. but if you enjoy looking at naked old people.. more power to you.

but if you enjoy looking at naked old people.. more power to you.

they are just people in old form.

Sure, but they are people who are now old on top of likely being not aesthetically pleasing in the first place. Next you are going to say that people who have 3rd degree burns over 90% of their bodies can still be attractive..

I'd say I'd believe it when I see it, but honestly I don't want to see it.

Next you are going to say that people who have 3rd degree burns over 90% of their bodies can still be attractive..

why couldn't someone with burns be attractive?

and why would you assume that an old person was not aesthetically pleasing to begin with?

I agree that girls must feel a ton of pressure to look a certain way. And that not looking that way must f**k up their self-esteem pretty royally.

But how about, instead of boosting their self-esteem by dictating what people are and are not permitted to be attracted to (which people can't really choose anyway), we start teaching them how tastes vary; how, even if some people don't find them attractive, there are probably others who will.

Beyond that, how about we teach them that attractiveness isn't the be all and end all of human existence, teach them how to derive their sense of self worth from what they do rather than what they look like.

no, we are talking about both.