Im in love with someone who has Aspergers

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lol and you know what tequila? i probably am coming off JUST that way!
I don't act as such at work- i try to play it cool but i'm actually obsessive about every part of my life- all. the. time. in this case i'm sounding so obsessed because he's 13 years older than me (were both legal- he's just older) and i would think that it would change his approach...but perhaps it didn't...

i think looking somewhere else is probably best or at least is starting to look like a good option...lol i think you'r eentirely right that it is getting undignified... i prefer direct eye contact and yesterday he look at me almost as if he was in pain... like almost in a way "why are you hurting me?" or maybe "why are you playing around with me?"
or maybe i was even picking up on something that wasn't really even there...

sighhh... theres nothing more pathethic than getting brushed off by somebody you like and really respect. but its happened before (that whole being denied thing)... i guess maybe he really loves this girl on the internet (or they were having a "on" day) and is very happy with her now...i'm not entirely sure why he would do that either... my first boyfriend was on the internet and we met less than a few weeks later and i had been with him for 2 years when we broke up but he still wants me back..... i just hope that either his internet girl or some wonderful, beautiful, and intelligent woman makes him so very happy in the near future. from what i know about him he definitely
deserves it.

Last edited by caramel on 19 Dec 2006, 9:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

lol it is like a soap opera isn't? i hadn't thought of it all like that..he really could have been having a bad day...but i could've been too and i don't think even still it was fair to treat me like that... he seemed to be doing JUST FINE when it came to talking to everyone else- all smiles and everything...

i think we do both lose out.. i'm probably the most loyal, loving, faithful, comitted, and honest partner you could ever think of... and he is sweet, funny,and could be very affectionate... i think we both lose but if all else fails i'll take my ex's proposal seriously and get engaged now. i love him just as much but i postponed our relationship because i wanted to explore what my relationship could have been like with this sweetheart at work. my ex said he'd do it because he had cheated on me several times and i told him that because i don't like many men ever that i'd like to be with sweetheart. i still want to be with him though but i'm not chasing anyone who doesn't want to be chased.

somebody at work could have told him something. in fact, theres one guy at work who he's friends with and he hates me a lot for some reason... i never did anything personal to me but he ignores me and is very rude to me when he does say something. he even looks at me funny... maybe he talked to him (although he always did act "funny" when his friend was around)....and he didn't seem to have any problem smiling and grinning in everybody's face today so i don't know what gives...i guess a lot can happen in two days, hmmm?

i will admit, this attitude is partway an excuse and part way my bruised heart trying to soften the blow... lol with me, once is enough i don't like the point "hammered" into my brain that he doesn't want me but if i really, really, REALLY like you then maybe i'll just keep trying for a while... but its rare...hahahaha i kinda wanted to see what would have happened too... maybe he really did like me as much as i liked him and the way i acted i projected my insecurities onto him and thats why he doesnt feel comfortable talking to me anymore....you are making some good points, and they were good enough that its getting me to reconsider just giving up so very quickly...maybe i'll just sit back, let it play out, and keep quiet.... lol we both want to see whats going to happen now! lol

lol well i'm glad you both feel the same exact way!
I probably did wait too long but then again damnit why do i have to say something? why can't he go ahead and make a damn move first? lol i wonder if there is still hope.... he could've had a bad day but i don't think he should've treated me like that... not at all... i won't give up- i'm just going to let it play out... but BEFORE new years... otherwise then that would be carrying baggage with me from this year to the new year and i'm SO against that... hahaha you're MY professional advice giver and psychoanalyst/counselor! lol! but he definitely has until that long to give me a chance to approach him without being a dick... after that i'm done....hahahaha i think thats fair....lol

Don't know about him but I've been told that I failed to understand "signals" (whatever the hell that means, but it must have been very obvious to others) in the past. Even when I was told that a girl liked me by her friends and that I should call her I didn't believe it and didn't take it seriously. That leads me to believe that I only understand these things if somebody explicitly tells me. So don't count on guys like me to make a "first move". Today it seems obvious why she was around me so much...

He's much older than me though and you said that he's doing well socially so he's probably not at all like me.

What does "waiting too long" mean in this context? I mean, if he liked you a couple of days ago he'll still like you. Sounds like you don't bump into each other every day any more so what do you have to lose?

of course the fact that you didn't tell us about the age difference. Oye Bloody Vey.

hmmm i wonder if that is similar in my situation? maybe he doesn't read my signals at all and thinks i'm this
bad person with no heart or anything whos being confusing and misleading on purpose? i'm thinking that telling him
explicity would be a hard thing to do.... like you i don't necessarily comprehend signals....because i always feel signals can be interpreted into many different ways whereas i might be "reading into" the situation too much...

i thought about it today at work when i saw him.... that i do still like him very much and when you adore someone, its hard to just put them on the backburner in your mind... then on the bus ride home, i wondered how would he react if i wrote him a letter- with my email in it? i can convey things so much better in written form and i feel that theres
no misinterpreting letters...; also perhaps because we don't get enough time to talk but the occasional hi or when he randomnly comes up to me or when i stop by the area he works to say something... now of course the same preoccupsations existed back in like 4th grade... they can show other people and also theres "traceable" evidence... but it would be better to me because we both wouldn't be uncomfortable and he can have time to think things through
about how he really feels...

i think only seems obvious once you know then you can think back and recount each situation in detail. even if he doesn't want me like that- i need him to understand that the reason why i was looking at him wasn't for any other reason than the fact that i thought he was the most beautiful person i've ever seen with my own two eyes.... not because i thought he was weird(although maybe i'll explain that to him one day the way i just said it here)...... i need him to know that much,,, and i'm willing to risk him giving the letter to other people and facing possible humiliation from i coworkers if he does... i don't effin care about that...but i can't say it to his face. theres never any time and you just don't abruptly tell someone how you feel in spoken word.

hes about 13 or so years older than me but i'm over the age of 20... so.... and he's actually quite similar to you in the fact that he doesn't seem to understand much about when i'm flirting with him..i notice he would grin at me but i don't think he seemed to get it...

and that last sentence? thats what i was wondering.... i mean what he thought i lead him on? he thought i didn't act as quick as i could've? we don't bump into each other for longer than a second as we pass.. thats all... he passed me today and said hi and waved and i caught him looking at me a couple times but i don't even know what to make of that... but once i lay my cards on the table... perhaps i'll have a better chance of realizing it before its too too late (in this case the end of the year- his b-day!)

what do you think ynos about the letter idea? bad? terrible? good? i think it wouldn't hurt...i keep forgetting that AS sometimes changes many things in a situation...maybe he didn't speak to me yesterday because he didn't know why i wasn't coming up to him and didn't understand why i seemed to show i like him but then i was friendly to others around so he probably thought i was just being "nice" not plain "interested"...

Last edited by caramel on 19 Dec 2006, 10:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i didn't think it mattered (and i still don't think) it matters much in the scheme of things... yeah he may be older... but that doesn't change the quality, or depth of our possible relationship... at least thats what i thought...

Thats probably exactly what he was thinking. And the age difference? I don't think it matters in a relationship, but definitely for his judgement of your actions in this situation. A young lady interested, and not just being friendly? If I were him I would think that its downright impossible. But, he did smile and wave at you, so you know that the other day was just a fluke.

HURRY UP ALREADY!! !! We're almost at 14 pages!! !!

hahahaha awww you just brought a smile to my face! lol. i think he definitely was thinking that maybe either A) he had messed things up and scared me away or B) why the hell does she act like she likes me but won't tell it to me already? lol! i'm definitely thinking that giving him this letter might actually be a good idea... it doesn't put either of us in an uncomfortable position- he can either make a decision or let it go without being pressured.... but i do have to be prepared for backlash, in case this spins out of control (as do situations like mine go usually)

Yeahhhh- I don't think age matters in a relationship, especially past the teens.... i think the two parties should be able to act a bit less cruel to each other... lol im thinking maybe he thinks that way too..... he did smile and wave at me today like in a sad kind of way...maybe he wanted to talk to me or maybe he wanted to say more.... i'm hoping you are right and it was a fluke... lol because that would suck to all hell if you weren't!! ! lol

hahahaha tomorrow i'll come into work and i'll definitely do it... i think i owe it to both of us to gain some closure over this situation before it gets blown anymore out of prooportion than it already has...

Good.

and tomorrow, explain it to him. Explain it very bloody carefully. even if it ends up making you look like a fool, at least you'll still ave your wits in the end.

And if it doesn't work out, let us know, let us know what he says, and why, and his reasoning, because I'm on christmas break, and i'm friggin bloody bored.

WOW this topics run on without me why did I not get reply notifications lol I am blatantly not gonna try catchin up 5 pages >.<

hahahaha it certainly did! lol it happened so fast!! !

Welllll its STRIKE 2
-I went ahead and attempted to hand him my note today... he's been very closed lately but not in a mean way... almost in an extremely shy isolated way.... so now i'm sure either he's not interested (although like another poster said on this page that doesnt make sense because it happened so quickly and i hadn't done anything to warrant it...) or he likes me and just thinks i was messing with him, or he likes me and is now nervous that i'm just being friendly and not flirting with him in that way....

i attempted to talk to him for one minute... i in fact ended up chasing him hahahaha but i don't think he noticed. and in fact i called his name and he said to me "i actually have to be right back- i have to help this customer..." and wandered off somewhere...everytime i tried talking to him he was off... he was like a ninja just disapperaring and everything...

i also noticed he doesn't say hi to me in that way he did before.... he looks down and tries not to make eye contact with me... i'm trying not to take it too hard because i've read lately that men with AS can do that sometimes and not necessarily know why they're doing that... he might also be stressed out because of the holidays and i don't want to stress him further so now i'm figuring tomorrow i'll attempt to feel him out again... if he's not receptive then i'll drop it but i'm figuring if its anytime before the new year but after christmas its okay!

i'm still optimistic!! ! lol shockingly...

I suspect if you had a sign printed with the words "(NAME), I want to have your babies!" and held it up whenever he came close to you he still wouldn't respond to you. I personally don't think he's interested and if you carry on much longer it's going to look like stalking. If you're not happy with your boyfriend, don't tamely travel back. Establish yourself as your own person and find someone else new. Plenty of fish in the drink, after all.

and you know what you're probably right... right now i'm not actually looking to him to say yes... i just want him to reject me so i have no question in my mind of what could've been... i'd rather that then somewhere in the back of my head think that he likes me. i'm usually the type that if i get shut down once i forget any and every possiblity so i'd much rather that.. i'm not sure if its going to look like stalking so much because i don't follow him or look at him but so much during the day and i certainly don't attempt talking to him anymore so i've pretty much eased up...

i don't thnk i'm quite getting why he suddenly stopped talking to me or looking at me...and i think that bothers me more at this point...and i think thats whats roping me in like an idiot... if it made more sense i would've backed off a long time ago... its not a problem any of it, i'm together with my ex again and theres more love than there ever was before (we're even going to engaged in mid january! ) so i think thats why i'm pushing to get this out of the way. because i'm a one track mind person when i like somebody and somehow i think i still like him... and its making it hard to currently focus on my boyfriend... but you know what? i think i'm going to put more effort than ever into ignoring him- not looking at him-- and not saying hi to him... or ANYTHING.. and focus more effort with my boyfriend. sounds like a plan?

If you're happy, do that. It's just that in earlier posts I sensed you weren't happy with your boyfriend and your relationship. If all that's water under the bridge or otherwise not troubling you, then fair enough. I don't want to see you posting "I'm married but I'm having wet thoughts about someone else" in six months' time, OK?

All that matters is that you stay true to yourself.