FWB relationships - your opinion?

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He can feel whatever he wants I honestly don't care what his reasons are. I am not comfortable in it PERIOD. I already stated that I understand people who just don't feel a romantic connection. So be it. I quite don't care for your opinion. How many times must I repeat myself? You should already realize that I respect your opinions and you should respect mine. I never challenged yours. I will not respond to you anymore as you are going in circles and arguing about the littlest things. Just accept that I have an opinion and your challenging of it is quite tiresome. Good luck.

Of course. Why would I want them otherwise?

I know this usually sounds bad to NTs, but, you know, I’m literally-minded. When I talk about benefits, I mean any benefits, including those I already pointed out in my previous message.

I greatly doubt many do otherwise, because it’d be maladaptive. If people didn’t mind having friends when these don’t satisfy them in any way, I’d probably have had some at this point, but it never happened, because it’s simply not worthwhile for them to be my friends. This doesn’t mean you can’t eventually suffer for your friendship, or even sacrifice your life for it—I know people do it, and I admire it, but they’re already committed as friends. You don’t become friends with someone in the first place if you don’t find it rewarding in some way, but what you value as such is up to you. Egoism is the base of altruism—only this way could the latter evolve.



I took those words by themselves because they were the ones about your judgement that, in a FWB situation, sex means using the other person. I’m interested in discussing this idea, because I see no difference between what you, and other people, call using and a “respectable” friendship. The only thing I do perceive is you dislike the former, and hence you use a derogatory word. I wasn’t arguing about what you feel or your personal choices.



And this is the point where I realize I’ve probably crossed some boundary. You’re replying to my arguments by making me look bad (ad hominem). I can’t help linking it to your signature, because neurotypicals are remarkably good at these tactics, and I can hardly ever discuss anything with them without being set up in a similar fashion. Moreover, pointing out the problem is troublesome in itself, because it sounds harsh and out of place, like this paragraph probably does, so I simply can’t win.

I already said what my admittedly naïve understanding of friendship is, and it’s definitely not about using them in the way you probably mean. I tried to follow the logic about sex between friends being bad because it means they use each other; I’m sorry if you felt attacked, because it wasn’t my purpose.



I’d have to have sex first to know whether I feel a romantic connection with it. I’d also have to know what a romantic connection is. I was talking about something different.

Yeap, I know that you have repeated that you didn't care about my opinions. Independently of that I still didn't give my opinion about the subject.

I'm just stating that you're asking the right to decide how you feel about having or not a FWB, and to follow you own morals about the subject. That's fine.

And at the same time you're deciding that a third person would be using you. So you're deciding in his place how he would feel and what would be his morals about the subject.

And now, it's when I could give (or not) an opinion about it. Until now, I didn't.

Thanks for the constructive feedback Spiderpig. I can understand you better now. We just have different philosophical views on things. But you did state that you only want friends if there is a benefit. I only took what you said. But that is fine too. people have firends for different reasons. I don't think you can generalize NTs though.

From what cakey previously said, I think she would most likely want or try to know what his morals are before they got intimate, but I don't know for sure I wasn't paying much attention. Sorry for lording over everyone last night, I honestly don't know why I was such an arse. I think I had a anxiety/stir crazy attack or something, if I had something to do I might be less argumentative, so sorry. I think there is a misunderstanding of sorts going on, does anyone feel this way? Maybe it is just me. No one has to listen to me, maybe I should put that in my signature.

Well, if there's a talk before and it's stated that it's a serioud relationship, when it really itsn't, then it's not about using. Then it's not about FWB. Then it's just lying.

When we're talking about FWB we're talking about a relation where both parts are aware of the real status.

So you are saying if the guy cakey was hypothetically having an fwb with did care for her and may be even was falling for her, and she just tossed him aside because she thought she was used, she would be being very rude and passing up the kind of relationship she wants? I understand that. I am sure you also mean she's never tried it too, like how I was being with OOM and the rest last night right? By the way sorry again. I honestly cannot figure out a bit why I was being like that.

You know, I don't understand why we all try to change each others views. Considering how stubborn we all seem to be, it is a pointless endeavor. So unless people are being blatantly stupid (which does not mean they simply disagree with you), I think we need to attempt to respect the opinions of others better. I am well aware that I am guilty of this activity, but I am less prone to attack others when they don't attack me.

With sex: women are the suppliers, and men are the consumers.

So if two friends start having sex, but are still just friends then the guy is indeed "friends with benifits", but you (the woman) would be "friends with expenses" ( he would be like a customer getting free merchandise from the store, and you like a retailer giving away free merchandise). That cant last long.

So thats why I cant imagine FWB happening among heterosexuals.

If it does happen-then that would be too good to be true (from the male pov).

Where do I sign up?

Once again, my post is ignored. Why do I even bother?

^ Is there a post above me? I sense something there, a very faint presence..

Oh...it's gone, it's nothing, probably it was a pop up ad.

Pop up adds are less annoying than you. Don't you have better things to do with your life than annoying and 18 year old? Or does your life really suck so bad this is the best thing you can do with your time?

In my opinion, love should not be unconditional. That's not healthy.

I think I have just heard a faint mosquito buzzing here, it's gone again.

Everybody is free to decide the kind of relation they want to have. As long as I know, nobody is forced to have a FWB.

But if you're saying about somebody that he/she is using you for having a FWB relation, this is a serious accusation. "Using" involves manipulation and lack of care (not even romantic, but just a minimum care about the other person). You're implying some moral values and some attitude in somebody.

Let's make an example. Imagine that right now I say 'A woman that is too concerned about a man having romantic feelings for her and couldn't have a FWB is really looking for somebody that supports her economically and then living without working'. If you tell me 'hey, you don't know a s**t about how this woman really feels' I could answer 'hey, it's my opinion'.

The problem about giving opinions about how other people feel and what they intend, is that then you must accept that other people give opinions about how you feel and your real intentions. Are you prepared for that? If you're not, then you should be cautius with opinions. You can't accuse a guy to use a girl (or the girl to use the guy) if they're FWB, to say inmediately after it "but don't say anything about me, because you're not in my shoes". Empathy must be a two-ways road.



That's not true, as you can see

Very interesting and amusing concept.