How can I initiate a date?

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It doesn't apply to anyone. Compliments are nice.

Just my take of it, and clearly not valid for NTs.

For me, "dating" is purely non-verbal. That of course means you don't use compliments. In fact, I think giving a hug comes before saying anything at all. It is all carried out with quick glances and observing each others at a distance. Once you are done with that (which takes a while), you can get into a relationship and start talking to each other in a more typical way.

Dropping in just to leave this here, then it's back to no-time-for-endless-debates-going-nowhere work for several days.


A blog entry by an NT woman, with supporting comments from other NT women.
http://freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason ... -shes-hot/

"It seems that men are finally starting to realize that many women do not like street harassment (or, in the parlance of the uninitiated, 'unsolicited compliments about a stranger?s appearance'). This is really great and a sign that activists are doing a good job.

"However, predictably, I?ve also seen a surge of men desperately trying to find loopholes so that they can still, yes, give women their irrelevant and unasked-for opinion on their appearance. Hence all the 'But what if I say it this way? But what if I say it that way? But what if I make it REALLY CLEAR that I?m NOT TRYING TO BE CREEPY? But why can?t I just give a girl a compliment for crying out loud?'...

"Some men who want to compliment random women on the street are genuinely good guys who just don?t understand why their comments might be unwelcome. Some men who want to compliment random women on the street are creepy predators. Most are somewhere in between, and guess what? I don?t know you, I don?t know your life, and I have no idea if you?re going to leave it at 'Hey, you look good in that dress!' or follow it up with 'But you?d look better without it! Har har! C?mon, where?re you going? I know you heard me! f*****g c***, nobody wants your fat ass anyway, b****.'"


Gee, that sounds like a familiar argument. Be sure to read the comments by women telling their stories of being confronted by men giving them "compliments."

There's an interesting note in the comments. This is far from being a new feminist phenomenon.
"Incidentally new is old 1875: A Gentleman?s Guide to Etiquette by Cecil B. Hartley ? conversation guidance '37. A lady of sense will feel more complimented if you converse with her upon instructive, high subjects, than if you address to her only the language of compliment. In the latter case she will conclude that you consider her incapable of discussing higher subjects, and you cannot expect her to be pleased at being considered merely a silly, vain person, who must be flattered into good humor.'? Much like Eureka's conversation in the hardware store about different plumbing repair options, which had a good outcome and wasn't creepy.

While I was out for Cannabis Day & Canada Day festivities downtown I decided to go go down to the beach for sunset. Had a couple drinks & shot some bottle rockets off. Anyways, on my way too the beach I walked down the gayest street in Vancouver and was looked at noticeably by a few guys sitting on pub patios. Flattering. On my way back I stopped for a rest and to do some people watching outside the busiest night club... some young gay asian guy asked me if I was going to Celebrities (nightclub) & he looked disappointed when I said I wasn't planning on it. (Nightclubs aren't really my thing unless I'm working at one. Once in a blue moon I'll go to one for a friend's birthday or bachelor party.) While not direct, that too was a compliment and I was flattered - not annoyed, or feeling violated or any other such nonsense. It was a nice confidence booster.

Anyways, time to get ready to go for a run. Won't keep getting compliments, direct or otherwise, if I let myself go.

Well -- to comment on anyone's body or looks when you don't know them and they haven't asked for that sort of thing is pretty rude and intrusive. But women fear it from men in ways that men don't generally fear it from women, for reasons demonstrated in that comment above. Most men are larger and more physically powerful than most women, and there's a culture of aggressiveness in street harassment men->women that doesn't exist the other way around. Women are also more likely to be abused physically by men than the other way around, and when we are abused, it's far more likely to be abuse that lands us in the hospital or dead than it is when women physically abuse men. I cannot think of a single instance of women gang-raping men, but it's not hard at all to think of well-publicised gang rapes of women. In other words, women fear men more than men fear women, and for good reason.

If you're genuinely interested in *clothing*, rather than picking up women, then you might ask a woman you don't know about what she's wearing. It happens sometimes to me and I don't mind telling someone where I got my clothes. But as yet another cheap pickup line? No.

I just don't talk to women. they scare me and give me anxiety
I do notice when women have a cute outfit. like well put together. like certain sweeter over a shirt or so. or those cute felt boots that were popular for while.

I had a nack of picking out women outfits at some point. don't know if its relevant anymore. never could pick out good style in men's clothes though .

too shy to comment on women's cute outfits though. just noticed women tend to do it often around here.

I have had few women compliment me randomly and few guys say nice things.
makes me uncomfortable cause I don't beleieve said things are true. which is why I don't like compliments. they don't match with reality.

Ah man Sly,

You have to put yourself out there. I don't mind complimenting women; and women don't mind the compliments.

I wouldn't start off the conversation with that sort of compliment, though. I would find something which seems relevant to you both to talk about

(as long as it doesn't involve relationships and such--it should involve more intellectual/topical type things, so that you and the women are thought of, by both of you, as being on an equal footing, so to speak).

I wouldn't just go up to a woman and compliment her on her looks in a hardware store--that would seem pretty ridiculous.

I would, per Eureka's suggestion, start talking about how to fix plumbing, or something of that nature. Then you two are speaking about practical things which might be helpful to both of you.

I was in town today chatting with an engineer (male) when he pointed out some girl behind me who he said he watched turn and check me out not once, not twice, but three times. She never approached us and never said anything to me, but still, to have that message relayed.. I took it as a compliment.

I suppose an alternative reaction could have been to angrily tell her I didn't like being eyed up like a piece of meat that's assumed to be straight & would want to be intimate with her. Nah, that would have been stupid. It was a nice compliment.

no way to know what similar interests we have. Which is why I stick to dating sites. It lists their interests and hobbies along with move/tv likes. quite a bunch of potiential topics. A random woman in out in rl. I know nothing about except what she looks like and is wearing.

Far to shy to talk to random women, non less try to start a conversation. I can't even say Hi to them.

also according to the women in this thread. they do in fact hate compliments. It makes them feel awful.

That's why I said you should ignore the bad advice from women in this thread. In real life, most people are flattered by compliments & appreciate them.

listening/reading comprehension FAIL. Not a single one of us said compliments make us feel awful. not actually listening to women but putting words into their mouths might have something to do with why you can't get a date with one. if you're not willing to listen to what we have to say, then yeah, don't bother talking to any of us or approaching us, because you are wasting our time as well as your own. also, if you're not actually interested in paying any attention to advice you're given, don't ask for it.

so yeah, dudes who want to know how to approach women--don't listen to the advice of the women in this thread, instead listen to the almost-virgin and the gay man: surely you will get much more useful information from them than you will ever get from us women, on how to get with/impress women.

i give up.

Last edited by starvingartist on 05 Jul 2014, 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't approach women I let them approach me, it works better that way. Sadly I don't catch on to their cues right away and just assume they are just being nice and want to talk and sometimes unknowingy brush em off.

>>Married man, not an almost virgin LOL. Sometimes wish I could "start over," though.

you were not the person i was referencing with "almost-virgin". that was directed at whom i quoted, sly.

F for both goldfish and sly in reading comprehension.

No, that's not what the women in this thread have been saying. We have been saying we don't want strangers coming up and talking to us about our looks and bodies. Often we do not want strange men coming up and talking to us at all on the street, because men are too often dangerous to women.



By which the autistic, gay, attentionseeking young male stoner means "I am flattered by compliments and will take as many as I can get MOAR PLZ omg do not turn off the 'street-compliment' machine, I might cease to exist."