Are relationships always this complicated?

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Oh, I guess you were talking about academics.

I went from being top of the class in primary school to bottom of the class in high school. My performance in maths was particularly noteworthy because that was my best subject when I was younger, then when I was older it became my worst subject. My grades went down in all subjects but maths went from one extreme to the other when I was 15. By the time I was 16 and 17 I went from failing to barely passing, partly by taking easier maths subjects and partly by taking more creative subjects. One was graphic design (My motor skills were too poor for drawing but computer aided art helped me discover the joy of creating) and one of was history (when I was younger I hated writing but by this stage I quite enjoyed writing history essays).

Now that I'm over my decade slump, I think I could now make an decent student except for one thing. I'm working. My course load is very light but I'm still struggling to get through it because I come home exhausted. I know other people have worked and studied at the same time but I can't understand how they can motivate themselves to study after they've been at work.

It's a bit easier on the weekend but other things happen. Friends come over, relatives need help with things, etc. I feel like I never have enough time.Yes, not only that but sometimes I feel like it's both ways. What I mean is, a boy can be chastised for acting masculine but then after he's being conditioned over years to act feminine, he gets chastised for behaving in an unmanly way. This criticism can come from both men and women. Even with this feminizing part of society (effecting not only boys but men also) there is still the old expectation to be manly, that hasn't died off.

Maybe what this means is that we shouldn't try to be people pleasers and try to please everyone because different people want different things of us but in our conformist society we really are expected to be people pleasers. We're expected to do mutually exclusive things. Be manly/don't be manly... at the same time. Catch-22.I couldn't recognize the signs of interest either but I can remember conversations I had with girls years ago and in recent years I was horrified when I realized girls I spoke to when I was younger displays very strong signs of what I know recognize as interest in me.

There was this one girl who was very smart and very pretty who tried to flirt with me for years in school but in my ignorance I saw her only as a friend. Eventually she gave up and I haven't seen her since school. There were other girls but this one I've lamented the most. In later years I was kicking myself for ignoring the poor girl. I think she must
have really liked me to persist for so long.I can say the same thing.

Interesting. I'm not sure if late education and/or career start in men caused by natural differences in the rate of maturation or by an anti-boy education system.

As for what Sly was saying, if a lot of women go to college at 18 and start a professional career in their early 20s, they may not be aware that many guys mature at a slower rate so they take a harsh view of guys who are starting later in life.Yes I am. I certainly is certainly helping me with them.

Not to beat a dead horse, but I really don't think it's an anti-boy system. I think conformity is taught to girls more than boys and all children are punished for nonconformity. The effect may be greater in some ways, but taking the fact for instance that on average a boy's ability to hold pencils and crayons and use them well develops a bit later as anti boy has to be balanced against other ways in which the system is biased against girls.....like my daughter at times being ignored as a potential excellent math student because she's a girl by teachers who still sometimes can lack an understanding that girls are not necessarily slow in math. She is always having to prove herself, and she does, quickly, but fighting for recognition isn't easy either.

There are all kinds of biases, I think it's better to think how you can get where you want to go until you're ready to take on and improve the system, and then.....give it all you've got

I think that is true but are girls taught conformity by their teachers or their friends?

I think if boys have more academic problems in schools but girls have more social problems. That's what I've observed. Girls are more dependent on their clique but if they don't conform they get thrown out of the clique.That would explain a few things from my childhood.

so this is an education thread now? ^o.o>

We got disappointing there was no one to misdirect the thread anymore so we had to misdirect it ourselves

But really, I don't mind you hanging around on my thread even if we end up going off-topic.

Anyway, the education gap between the sexes is an interesting topic. I wonder if this topic would see a wider response if it was posted in School and College Life.

It seems quiet everywhere so I don't know if it needs to be moved. As far as conformity goes, it was demanded/expected (though not entirely achieved) of me by teachers and peers.

I think gender differences are a big reason that relationships are so complicated. Just to take us further afield or go full circle, I'm not sure which!

Yep......gender differences are inevitable, no matter how we try to sublimate gender.

They do make relationships complicated--but they make them delightful, too.

My alma mater's student body is 80-20% in favor of females. This despite the fact that it become coed in 1991.

I was 1 of 2 males within the speech pathology major when I went to college. There were approximately 60 females.

Nothing wrong with more females than males going to college. Now...the males have to step it up a bit!

Why does she have to be so overemotional? e.g. yesterday. She complains that her period pains are killing her. I tell her to take it easy and not do any housework. She says her sister says she has to and she can still do it. She says women can still have difficult careers and don't need to take sick days every time they menstruate (I'm still trying to figure out how they can tolerate that) but I think a career woman wouldn't complain about it all the time like she does,

I don't like to see her suffer so I suggested there was a cure for her problem. I said she could get a hysterectomy. She really hated this. She got all emotional and I wasn't sure why. She said "You're trying to kill our future baby". Why does she keep talking about having kids? Not with me I hope. That would be too much responsibilty for me to deal with.

I said if she wanted a more temporary cure that wouldn't render her permanently unable to have kids she could go on the pill. She got offended by this too because she said there was a risk it could damage her ovaries and make her infertile. I've noticed that she generally dislikes western medicine.

She said the things I was saying were hurting her more than her period pains. The problem with her is that I can't argue with her. I don't mean she's brilliant at arguing, I mean she doesn't attempt to argue at all She just acts offended. I feel like I'm not trail in a kangaroo court, not permitted to say a word in my own offence. She gets offended that I would even attempt to defend myself. The trick is finding the right way to apologize. Just saying "I'm sorry isn't enough".

The problem is, she doesn't communicate very well. When I ask what her problem is she says "You should know" or "I shouldn't have to tell you". She knows I've got aspergers yet she insists on being vague about everything. Her texts (and sometimes speech) are often not in complete sentences (and never punctuated) making it hard for me to understand what she's saying, If I ask for more detail I offend her more, I feel like I'm walking on egg shells gods damn it. I try so hard not to offend her and then I end up offending her anyway. I came so close to dumping her last night.

Ahh, the practical solution for hormonal emotions.
Maybe next time she complains about period pains make her a cup of tea/favourite beverage, give her some chocolate and fill a hot water bottle for her, instead of offering practical solutions.

Think about it:

Would you want a girl to suggest you get a vasectomy?

You do know how to put your foot in it, but her passive-aggressive approach to conflict isn't exactly healthy, either. I'm about to generalize, and I apologize in advance (just don't start quoting me to other guys), but one thing a lot of young women have trouble with is understanding that their male partners do look at the world entirely differently than they do and actually, truly, do not know what the problem is and, furthermore, that a guy not knowing why his girlfriend is upset is not a sign the relationship is bad (which is how their romantic notions tend to spin it). Not to mention, they often don't have the experience or patience to articulate sensitive issues and, thus, fall back on really lame statements like "I shouldn't have to tell you." Give it 30 years, she'll know that yes, she really does have to tell the guy!

You don't need to know why something upset her (other than to prevent similar situations in the future), so a simple and direct apology for hurting her will suffice.

My main advice is to think before opening your mouth. Odds are she was not looking for you to try to solve her problem at all, but to just commiserate with her. So, ALWAYS, start with simple empathy, NO suggestions. Although fixing her up with some tea, chocolate and a hot water bottle as an earlier poster suggested is a LOVELY idea, a simple caring and loving gesture.

If you feel the need to make suggestions, the best one in this circumstance would have been, "have you talked to your doctor about your pain?" There are medical options of differing effectiveness but they aren't really something to be heard from a boyfriend: you aren't a doctor, you don't know her medical history and, well, it is far too easy to stick your feet in it.

I get it, most men are problem solvers, but save it for the complaint about how she can't fit her favorite dresser into the bedroom, NOT her emotions or health.

Hey RetroGamer87.

Next time, offer to help her with the housework.



Your words were insensitive considering how she wants to have a family in the future. Since you're so adamant about not having kids, then you should be up front with her and tell her explicitly that you do not want any kids, now or ever. Have you told her this because she's been clear to you about her desire to want kids...if you haven't, then why are you leading her on?



Oral contraceptives do have their own set of side effects, but as far as I know, ovarian damage is unlikely. The purpose is to suppress ovulation by altering the levels of hormones in the body. Has she tried Advil/Aleve/Aspirin to reduce the pain? That may be a better solution for her since she is unwilling to take contraceptives.



Just tell her that you can't read her mind and if there's something that she needs/wants from you, then she needs to say it bluntly. BTW, why did you decide to keep the relationship going?

You non-practical solution sounds quite practical to me

Lol, I thought of that after the 20 minute edit time. A belly rub would also be good.

You probably regret saying it immediately after you said it. I think you know it was extremely dumb-ass. And it doesn't put you in the best light, to say the least.

I've said some really stupid things in my time, too. I've regretted what I've said immediately afterwards. And I've gotten my (deserved) tongue-lashings. I'm lucky I didn't get my butt kicked but good for some of the things I've said.

I feel that you should acknowledge that what you said was insensitive in the extreme, and apologize PROFUSELY to the girl.

And make her that tea. And rub that belly!