Fear and Loathing Toward my Future, Nonexistent Wife

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not true in all cases. if the guy had all that before meeting a girl do all those just become half hers?
if they bought them together thats another issue all together. but i go into a relationship with my car then i should leave with it. as she should come and then part with hers. if a guy marries a woman who had all those, he don't get any claim to them when they part ways.

I wonder which fable would be associated to me the most.

I guess that would be The Ugly Duckling, but not with that much of good ending.

Are you talking about a relationship or a marriage? The law varies some by state, but generally speaking when two people marry all of their stuff becomes legally "theirs", and not "his" or "hers". If the marriage was very brief, however, it's likely a judge would split things the way you suggest.

I live in NY State. Property, for the most part, is not "shared."

A mortgage, for example, could be under the wife, and not the husband. The wife would have all responsibility, and all benefit. The husband, though, would have to be evicted from the residence should he have resided there more than about a month. He could be evicted, though, if he's not on the mortgage.

In divorce court, I'm pretty sure the house would be considered a joint asset even if only one partner's name was on the mortgage. This is done to protect the rights of spouses who are stay-at-home parents, for example. Otherwise, the working partner could claim he/she paid for everything and was therefore entitled to keep everything, which would be grossly unfair.

Divorce's can of worms opened....

Most of this hypothetical situation can be avoided if you just don't make my mistake and consider getting married to someone without a license, car, home or job. I made sure my current GF had all four first. As for the "you never really know someone", in all the situations of ugly divorces that took friends and family by surprise, it was laughably obvious what was going to happen. Denial is a strange thing. Women (and men) usually tip their hand VERY early on if you are paying close attention. Again, looking back I can only say "how the f*** did I not see what was so obvious even to me?" I now know it was because I was a rescuer/saviour and attracted broken women.

Sure, divorce is tough on men and I may even say slanted in favour of women but it's not like women are all riding off into the sunset. I once applied for a job where most of the clients were divorced women and they did NOT have anything resembling a great life, financially or otherwise.

Worries about what could happen are a good way to waste your life.

First off, learn and recognize the signs of an abuser/abusive relationship. Secondly, don't get married until you've been in a relationship with someone for at least 5 years, so you know you can tolerate and live with the person the rest of your life. Third, take things slow. Also, in the event of marriage, have a prenuptial agreement made.

Any woman who would actually do all those things you fear is an F'N NUT PSYCHO or simply your everyday sociopath. Why would you want to be with either? My younger brother is a happy immortal bachelor. He's seldom alone. He's 48. Two of his female friends proposed. He turned them both down by saying, "Why would you want to be stuck with an old geyser like me?" These two women are in their late thirties. They both know about each other. There has never been any retaliations or fights because these woman are mentally stable and so is he. If you put yourself with a nut control-freak, crazy things will happen. I promise.

Honestly Aspie1, from this long obsessive crap you have gone on about and the paranoia you have shown about this and other things, and the absolute certainty you have that it will happen, the "back against the wall" attitude you have, and the all or nothing thinking you seem to have going on, I have two things to say about this thread and situation. Neither is going to sound nice, but I'm not just trying to insult you or anything.

You aren't going to have to worry about any of those things happening because I think you are entirely too paranoid and obsessed about disaster and some beta/alpha crap to ever actually be in a medium to long term relationship to begin with. I also think that your whole extreme outlook on everything and this thinking of everything like it's life or death and the end of the world actually makes you the dangerous one in the relationship. I honestly think you would be more likely to harm or kill your wife or gf out of a fear that she was about to do something disrespectful or physically painful than you are ever likely to be in a situation where you have stuck it out through the normal ups and downs of a relationship to the point where somebody is with you long enough to actually fall in love with you and marry you or even move in with you. The first time she is in a bad mood and says something snippy at you, you will be out the door or you might even hurt her if she were to do something like be upset and throw her phone on the floor or something because you'll see it completely differently than how it is in your head and you'll go all in "self defense for the beta male" crap in your head.

I honestly think paranoia and obsession are the issues you are going to have to deal with, not whether or not your wife cuts your tires or you sleep on the couch or she might dare to raise her voice towards you. Remember, paranoia and obsession cause problems in the rest of your life as well as your future fantasy marriage. You need to try to find a way to get some kind of therapy that will get through to you. Stuff like that just gets worse, seriously.

I'm not trying to be insulting or trying to "jump on a weakness" or any of that crap. I'm simply being straight up with you about what I think is going on and will happen if you don't get some sort of psychiatric help about all the paranoia you have mentioned. Bad s**t happens. We get through it usually. It's hard, but the really bad s**t isn't as common as you seem to think it is. I've been through some seriously bad crap in my day and I'm still here, and I'm an aspie too, so we aren't automatically down for the count the first time anybody says boo to a goose around us.

Feeling paranoid that all people of a specific gender (or race, age, religion, sexual orientation, nationality etc.) are going to break your dishes or key your car before they've ever shown any inclination for violence is not productive. However if you're going to refuse to get into any type of relationship with the people you consider to be dangerous, that is probably a good idea. That way they can avoid YOUR craziness.

Hurt my wife? Ha! One, I would never do that, and it's crazy that you think I would. You're making me look like the insane one here. Two, the law will automatically side with her, even if I'm lying at the foot of the stairs with a concussion for forgetting her anniversary, because "it's self-defense". So don't try to gaslight me, with or without "jumping in on a weakness". I've read about this tactic plenty, and even experienced it first-hand once or twice.

Disrespect always starts with a test, and that goes for men or women. My wife might do a mildly disrespectful thing, like trash all my restaurant suggestions, to see how I react. If I don't make it clear that I'm not supposed to be disrespected (i.e. pass the test), it'll get worse and worse. But since I don't know how to demand respect (at least not without being laughed at), my only solution is to file for divorce right away.

Therapy? Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!! ! 'Scuse me while I put ice on my elbow; I gave it a little bump from rolling on the floor laughing. Those quacks are blithering idiots. They don't do anything but say "How did that make you feel?" I already know how, only shrinks never believe me when I answer that question, and I have to lie to them to get them off my back. So therapy is pointless.

I am not the one making you look crazy here. Really.

I also didn't know that you were such the expert on therapy, having experienced all of the many different types of it and not the one particular type you talk about, which happens to be the one that is shown on TV all the time too, btw.

You know, I've been in therapy before, quite a few times. I had anxiety and depression issues and I shopped around until I found somebody that actually worked. Some are the "how did that make you feel?" types, some are the know it all types and others are actually good at what they do. It's like anything else, you have to find the right one for yourself. They aren't all alike.

I've also been in a bunch of relationships in my life, good and bad. I was married to a guy for a year and a half who beat my ass every day, cheated on me and stole from me all the time. That is, until I figured out I was bigger than him and the next time he hit me I handed his ass to him, as I should have done the first time he hit me, I just didn't know I could do it. I've also had some great relationships and I've been married now for 28 years to a guy I love who loves me. We have had ups and downs like all relationships, but you work through that.

I've done lots of things in life, and known many people and been involved in many things, and honestly I think you are basing most of your stuff on one or two experiences of your own, hearsay from others and probably mostly from TV and stuff you read online. I can tell you now thats now how most things go.

However, believe what you want because you will anyway. But, I am honestly not the one here making you look crazy. You are doing that all by yourself hon. Really.

Tbh, you are all crazies for putting that much energy in typing that long posts in a thread which was DEAD for months.