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Why is it girls have an easier time getting dates than guys?

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Nocturnus
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14 Nov 2015, 10:01 pm

wilburforce wrote:
mpe wrote:
sly279 wrote:
She knows nothing about my situation and I'm tired of people making assumptions and attacking me :( she as a woman who's had tons of sex and tons of bfs knows nothing of what it's like to be a aspie guy who's rejected thousands of times all his life never having a gf, never being held or touched, never being loved. She has no right to say we have no legitimacy to feel how we do or complain.


The situation you describe appears to happen far more often to men than women.
Due to society's strict gender roles men and women tend to have very different experiences of dating.
These roles and expectations tend to work poorly for autistic people, in general, and especially poorly for autistic men.

Interestingly enough the rare cases of women who do not get asked out and find themselves turned down when they do ask describe feeling very much like you do.


They also work poorly for autistic women, who because of their awkwardness and naivetée often only get approached by abusive men who specifically look for vulnerable women to predate on and we match what they are looking for to a 't' because we can't hide our inexperience and awkwardness. Many of us autistic women end up with our only relationships experiences being that of abuse and violence, and also date rape. It is not just hard on autistic men. Which is harder, being lonely or being abused? I think they both suck pretty bad.


Men have as much chance as being abused because of social naiveté when they enter into a relationship. Both sexes can be predatory and psychologically or physically abusive.

Quote:
One woman in four (and one man in six) in the UK will be a victim of domestic violence during their lifetime, according to research estimates.


Medical studies and doctors are recognizing domestic abuse against men. The chances are greater if you are a woman but 1 in 4 men to 1 in 6 women isn't a great difference and that is a statistic from the National health service in the United Kingdom. It may be different in other cultures and countries.



WantToHaveALife
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25 Nov 2015, 1:47 pm

i remember when one guy said to me: You're coming at this from a little boy's perspective.

Stop it, it's not healthy.

"It's not fair that I have to take initiative and do the CHOOSING, it's not fair that they can stay passive and do the WAITING. I'd much rather wait around for someone to choose me than go out and take it myself"

It's not a negative thing dude, no matter how you spin it. Only thing that makes it negative is an undertone of boyish laziness coming from your end. Not saying you're not putting the work in, sounds like you are (kudos for that), but you should be THANKFUL that you take the active role. Because waiting around to be chosen is what a f*****g p**** does (different for a woman though, it's an expression of her nature. It's completely natural for a woman to be chosen).

It's just how s**t is and was designed to be. And thank f**k for that- because the seeker is the one who grows stronger just by doing what his nature tells him to do.

Keep doing what you're doing man. Don't be resentful of your role, your role is what gives you the power of choice. You choose the mother of your children"

Man I really felt like beating him up to a bloody pulp



wilburforce
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25 Nov 2015, 2:57 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
i remember when one guy said to me: You're coming at this from a little boy's perspective.

Stop it, it's not healthy.

"It's not fair that I have to take initiative and do the CHOOSING, it's not fair that they can stay passive and do the WAITING. I'd much rather wait around for someone to choose me than go out and take it myself"

It's not a negative thing dude, no matter how you spin it. Only thing that makes it negative is an undertone of boyish laziness coming from your end. Not saying you're not putting the work in, sounds like you are (kudos for that), but you should be THANKFUL that you take the active role. Because waiting around to be chosen is what a f*****g p**** does (different for a woman though, it's an expression of her nature. It's completely natural for a woman to be chosen).

It's just how s**t is and was designed to be. And thank f**k for that- because the seeker is the one who grows stronger just by doing what his nature tells him to do.

Keep doing what you're doing man. Don't be resentful of your role, your role is what gives you the power of choice. You choose the mother of your children"

Man I really felt like beating him up to a bloody pulp


Yeah, that guy was full of crap. Women don't choose the fathers of their children? What a ridiculous idea.



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25 Nov 2015, 4:06 pm

"How a man and woman physically and sexually are expressed says it all.
Penis - Erects, Goes out, Penetrates, Pushes in, Seeks, Discharges, The sperm finds the egg- not the other way around.
Vagina - Softens, Invites in, Sucks in, Allows, Let's go, Takes in, The Egg waits for the sperm- not the other way around."

"Males have a penis, which equals aggression, females have a vagina, which means receiving. That’s it."

"us guys are equipped to penetrate, which is an act of aggression"

That's why there are times I hate having a penis, and us humans are not solely here on this planet just to reproduce



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25 Nov 2015, 5:20 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
"How a man and woman physically and sexually are expressed says it all.
Penis - Erects, Goes out, Penetrates, Pushes in, Seeks, Discharges, The sperm finds the egg- not the other way around.
Vagina - Softens, Invites in, Sucks in, Allows, Let's go, Takes in, The Egg waits for the sperm- not the other way around."

"Males have a penis, which equals aggression, females have a vagina, which means receiving. That’s it."

"us guys are equipped to penetrate, which is an act of aggression"

That's why there are times I hate having a penis, and us humans are not solely here on this planet just to reproduce


You do know that biological essentialism is a limited, reductive, sexist, and generally idiotic way to interpret the complexities of human interaction, right? I hope that is what you are saying with your posts, that the other guy believed in this junk because he was an idiot.



Rivka333
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27 Nov 2015, 6:07 pm

Lifeistoohard wrote:
Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
DailyPoutine1 wrote:
Because girls sit their ass while they're choosing the "perfect" male.


Many men find women that ask them out to be "gross" and "coming on too strong" or "aggressive and masculine"

So, take your pick. If a woman were to come up to you and say: "hey, you seem cool want to grab and cup of coffee/tea/a drink and chat"


You kidding me!? I'd think to myself "Am I in heaven right now? A girl is asking me out!" Then happily say "yes". Any guy that doesn't want a girl to approach him is messed up, big time.

I think that a lot of guys would have your reaction.

Unfortunately, a lot of the dating advice that's our there, tells women that "men will lose interest if you ever initiate anything."



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27 Nov 2015, 9:22 pm

I'd be pretty stunned if a girl asked me out.

It has only happened to me once--when I was 17. She turned out to be a Jesus Freak.



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27 Nov 2015, 10:54 pm

Wow, this thread is still going? I'd forgotten about it.

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'd be pretty stunned if a girl asked me out.

It has only happened to me once--when I was 17. She turned out to be a Jesus Freak.
It happened to me a couple of times when I was 13 or 14. I found it terrifying and ran away :lol:


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29 Nov 2015, 11:30 am

AR1500 wrote:
dobyfm wrote:
Ugh! I agree! I see all these girls with boyfriends or getting asked out. I got tired of expecting a guy to ask me out so I just go for it. As of now, I enjoy doing the chasing. 8)




Just my $0.02 for the matter but I would say that if you want to get asked out, you have to stand out. One way to do this is to upgrade your wardrobe and dress sexy(form fitting clothes like leggings as pants, high heels, and short skirts/dresses plus makeup). You might not want to do this and it's *O-Kay* if you really don't wanna but it can definitely help you get the menz attention.


Hmm, I'm comfortable and feel a little more confident when I go out wearing skirts, my stockings, and ballet flats. I do not like high heels. But thank you for your $0.02. :)



CryingTears15
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29 Nov 2015, 12:32 pm

My experience has been largely the opposite. Most attractive women I see are with significantly less attractive men, and in media, the geeky unattractive nerd has a much higher chance of landing a hot girl than a nerdy girl does with a guy, unless she is either stylish and attractive to begin with or cleans up her appearance.

This means that if I was to like a boy my own level of attractiveness, (and I do consider myself quite attractive, but my personality is awkward), he would feel entitled to more attractive women.



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29 Nov 2015, 9:50 pm

AR1500 wrote:
Just my $0.02 for the matter but I would say that if you want to get asked out, you have to stand out. One way to do this is to upgrade your wardrobe and dress sexy(form fitting clothes like leggings as pants, high heels, and short skirts/dresses plus makeup). You might not want to do this and it's *O-Kay* if you really don't wanna but it can definitely help you get the menz attention.


Yeah, but you still need to be able to flirt and communicate socially. Just dressing yourself up nice isn't actually going to do much if you don't have good social skills.

You go from unnoticeable to "that pretty girl who thinks she's too good for guys".

People assume that I haven't met anyone I'm interested in, like I'm choosing to be alone. But in reality I've been rejected over and over again. Being well dressed just makes it look like you think you're too good for anyone if you're shy and not good at striking up conversation.



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29 Nov 2015, 11:44 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Yeah, but you still need to be able to flirt and communicate socially. Just dressing yourself up nice isn't actually going to do much if you don't have good social skills.

You go from unnoticeable to "that pretty girl who thinks she's too good for guys".

People assume that I haven't met anyone I'm interested in, like I'm choosing to be alone. But in reality I've been rejected over and over again. Being well dressed just makes it look like you think you're too good for anyone if you're shy and not good at striking up conversation.


This is very true.



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30 Nov 2015, 12:16 am

It is equally difficult for men and women. Women approach in much more subtle ways than men and it is up to us to read and reciprocate to them.

Unfortunately, most men on the spectrum struggle to read facial cues and expressions so many opportunities to develop beyond fantasy are truly missed.

Yes, women can find hook ups approach them but it is devoid of emotion and women are forced into situations of abuse and objectification.

Unfortunately, many women on the spectrum struggle to filter out men.



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30 Nov 2015, 8:30 am

hurtloam wrote:

Yeah, but you still need to be able to flirt and communicate socially. Just dressing yourself up nice isn't actually going to do much if you don't have good social skills.

You go from unnoticeable to "that pretty girl who thinks she's too good for guys".

People assume that I haven't met anyone I'm interested in, like I'm choosing to be alone. But in reality I've been rejected over and over again. Being well dressed just makes it look like you think you're too good for anyone if you're shy and not good at striking up conversation.


Very true. This especially applies to the older you get because people start looking at the physical and personality aspects of a person.



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30 Nov 2015, 9:00 am

dobyfm wrote:
hurtloam wrote:

Yeah, but you still need to be able to flirt and communicate socially. Just dressing yourself up nice isn't actually going to do much if you don't have good social skills.

You go from unnoticeable to "that pretty girl who thinks she's too good for guys".

People assume that I haven't met anyone I'm interested in, like I'm choosing to be alone. But in reality I've been rejected over and over again. Being well dressed just makes it look like you think you're too good for anyone if you're shy and not good at striking up conversation.


Very true. This especially applies to the older you get because people start looking at the physical and personality aspects of a person.


If you've just met a person, physical appearance plays the biggest role... but if you get to know them a bit (via shared class, book club, etc), it matters less. Smarts, wit, kindness and other intangibles play a bigger role. Looks still matter, jest less.



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30 Nov 2015, 9:18 am

I'm not saying looks don't matter, just that they're not the magic solution. You don't automatically find someone if you are attractive. There's more to it than that.