Serious issues with L&D Forum

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^

Did you make everyone go to sleep with your baba black magik?

^ I don't have magical powers.

Just...stinking gases.

I think it would help some to make a rule against ideological discussions here in L&D. I think this is where a lot of the really contentious content comes from, especially the generalizations that really upset people. There was a feminist poster in the past who came here and gave the impression men on this forum are potential sexual harassers who needed to be "educated" on consent. She may have been banned a while back, but now there are a number of men who regularly post "Red Pill"/MGTOW stuff that is quite offensive to a lot of people. I think PPR is the appropriate place to discuss topics related to feminism or anti-feminism. There people are at least prepared for contentious content. I think it's pretty easy to pick up on the terminology that is ideological and either warn people or simply move the entire thread to PPR if it has been completely derailed. I don't believe in outright censoring opinions for being perceived as sexist, but I don't think L&D is the appropriate place for them. People come to L&D for advice and support, not contentious ugly debate.

I tend to agree.

I also think the 'problem' with the PPR and L&D is much exaggerated. There is a plenty of valuable discussions. Those are gems in the rough.

Yes there is controversial thing said, but you have to take rough with the smooth so we get a range of view points there is no absolute definitive answer.

I think when someone gets their feeling hurt (and I include myself), people tend to want to exert a level of control which isn't too realistic.

Both on what others can do, but also expecting a range of feature to regulate their own behavior.

We are mostly all adults, lets act like adults and take responsibility for ourselves.

To go back to a previous poster. Yes you might feel awful things after viewing something negative, but that poster isn't really responsible for how you feel just for writing something negative, and if they may be feeling awful as well neither are you responsible for that.

If accommodations would have to be made for every whim an aliment, then many of them would counteract another. We are all unique, it is not possible to predict what may set one person off.

I do think this forum needs to be moderated, having more moderators would help. I personally wouldn't want to do the job, but those that are good at being impartial would be ideal candidates.

I use this forum for real advice about how to understand relationship dynamics and how to handle romantic defeat. It's a lot cheaper than shelling out for a relationship counselor (I did see a counselor a few times in the wake of my latest heartbreak, but I couldn't see him too often because of the cost).

With my threads, some people tell me to stop everything and give unrealistic advice, but others give really good, sound ways I can understand my predicaments. Some of my questions go unanswered, though, unless I bump the thread again.

I agree with Chichikov and equal; the problem is being exaggerated, love forums in other forums have the same topics, and the same type of venting.

The real problem here, is drama makers; there are VERY few people who like to do drama and do moral lectures over *little things*.

Concrete example: There was a user who posted a thread "how can I get a girlfriend?".
And one of those drama makers got offended on the "get" word , made it sexist, and made a parallel with getting an object, dragging the thread off topic to 10 pages over a silly tiny stupid thing- even tho getting a boyfriend/husband/wife/gf is a common English expression.

So yeah... over such little things, so trivial, my advice to the menfolk here is to recognize these drama makers (they are not that hard to be seen) and to:
Ingore their threads, ignore their posts, ignore their pms and ignore their replies to you.

And all will be good, believe me.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 May 2016, 9:37 am, edited 2 times in total.

Yep this is how it is, it is still a good thing.

Some people will ask questions they don't really want answer, or they already know the answer they want. This may be a confidence thing, but if they are wanting an answer they think is not a good idea I will say so.

I take thing as there are. Not long ago there was someone not on the spectrum, asking about and aspie person she had relations with. What she said demonstrated she was not only being deliberately manipulative, but also she was manufacturing drama on purpose. I asked her and she admitted it, and said it made things more interesting. I castigated her harshly and I don't regret it.

I was able to see through all the BS, and saw what was going on. This was more about her personality issues, although it may be a problem for someone on the spectrum to deal with that, that really wasn't the point. It could affect anyone. She was just surprised that this guy could see through it too. Not too bright.

Absolutely.

The worst form of advocacy is one that treats people unreasonably, don't give them the benefit of the doubt, and makes everyone walk on eggshells around them.

As anyone with any common scene will know, all that will happen with these people is eventually nobody will want to interact with them, and they will get ignored. This is not speculative, if you have not heard of this, it may be happening to you.

It is like the [insert gender specific word] that cried wolf.

^ Was is to 'get a gf' or 'have a gf? '
I think I have seen the drama twice over each of these two (very common) english expression (have/ger a bf/gf); and if not mistaken it was by the same people.

On the other hand, real woman-hating threads are not accepted by anyone here.
There's no real woman hating problem here, this is not the puahate forum, and it never was.

Concrete example:
There was a guy who posted a thread about theatening and killing his girlfriend.

No one of the male respondents could digest his post, as any sane person wouldn't; and some of those guys had been acccused once for misogyny/sexism, often so unfairly.

Hell, even kraftie, the most gentleman around here had been called sexist/misogynst once or so.

It is crystal clear, those drama makers hate men, they want to demonize men and they are unable to accept any differred opinion coming from a man unless it is about putting them on a worship pedestal while praying "O you are always right, O you are always right".

Let's make a stand, good men, let's ingore those ones, let's stop giving their words any undeserved value.

Who is with me?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 May 2016, 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I remember that incident. Apparently the phrase "get a girlfriend" was turning women into objects. Just... just no. Lol. Whoever it was that made the big deal over that was clearly someone who belongs on an "ignore all posts" list.

Yes, this is the biggest problem and there is one member in particular who does this time and again and everyone coddles him because he is "fragile" so he gets to keep making sexist posts about women because he is "lonely and suffering". It's BS and needs to stop.

^^^THIS. So much this. I personally am tired of watching the same arguments happen over and over again with the same users because they just post the same comments, never learn anything and never change their perspective and get upset over the same things in the same way over and over. People try to help them, they offer good suggestions and advice and support and it is all ignored so the same complaints can be posted ad nauseum. If you come to a support forum and all the support offered to you is ignored and rejected repeatedly and then the people who offer the support and help you insult for offering said support and help, you should be banned.

Ditto.

I have sent you an ignore list, there's an ignore list circulating among men in pms.

I don't see how you can deny that some people do in fact judge others on trivial first-impressions. I'm sorry if this doesn't apply to your ideal of how finding love should work, but the reality is many people are superficial, even if they aren't consciously aware of it. Because of this, people in the dating world do have to advertise themselves to some degree. If you tell people on the autism spectrum that modifying behaviors that are obvious turnoffs is futile, then you're basically telling them to give up on dating period. That always seems to be your agenda.

Besides the venting that gets taken the wrong way, I do occasionally see guys posting "red pill" stuff that I have a hard time not seeing as misogynst.