How can I tell my girlfriend she is fat?

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The Plantagenets were such FLAWED yet interesting kings for the most part.

Edward III was a study in contrasts....

Of course, the houses of York and Lancaster inspired the most from Shakespeare.

If your girlfriend loves you she would laugh off you calling her fat I think.

^ I doubt it.

Thing is, how much do you think she weighs? How big is she? I agree with others, setting a good example will help, talking about your interest in getting healthy etc. She may come clean and say she is not interested in being healthy or slimming down.

I only ask how much she roughly weighs because my ex told me I was fat, no longer physically attractive and I was only 49-50kg (I am 5 ft 5 and very petitie) I was extremely underweight....he wanted me back down to 45kg (dangerously underweight) while he was huge and morbidly obese at 150kg. He isolated me from anyone else who could tell me that I was underweight and needed help. I am healthier now.

Personal things aside, when someone says that someome is getting fat, I'm interested to know what size they consider to be fat because a lot of people have a different view of what it looks like.

I hope Claradoon isn't upset at me....

If I upset you, Claradoon, please forgive me.

I have been thinking about your question, and here is what I have come up with.

Before you approach her, I want to prep you.

Your girlfriend probably wants to lose weight, and honestly, your desire for her to lose weight is probably not the best motive for her because she will just look to you for approval and possibly always feel some doubt she has not met your standards. It would always feel like "Am I good enough?". I suggest that instead of telling her she is fat, that you take the perspective of "helping" her lose weight.

Here is a plan, it may not fit you exactly so just change it.

1) Get her to bring up the fact that she has gained weight.
By some coincidence, start looking through several pictures with her of when she was thinner and wait for her to comment how much thinner she was. If she needs some prodding, ask her why she does not wear the outfit in the picture anymore.

2) Ask her if you can make a suggestion. (She will say yes then listen)
The reason for this question is so she will listen to you. If you just start making suggestions she might go in who knows what direction depending on your relationship status, her self esteem, or whatever. The question puts her into listening mode without feeling attacked.

3) Tell her you can help her lose weight, and ask her if she wants to hear your plan.
It may not be necessary to keep asking for "permission", but its safe and keeps her from being defensive.

The next parts are easy

4) Ask her how many pounds she would need to lose to get back to the weight in those pictures.
This question is purely a technical necessity to make a plan to lose weight. By mentioning the pictures, you are creating a tangible goal as opposed to a general one. Its like a magazine ad. You need a specific weight. The reason is that you need a goal and something to gauge progress by. If its just "lose weight" then you wont have any basis for progress or when you are done and might end up being abandoned due to no real expectations.

5) Next, plan out the weight loss plan - but it must follow times of days or some kind of schedule, otherwise no habits will get formed and it will be too easy to drop out of the weight loss plan.
a) How many pounds per week?
b) How many calories per day?
c) Walk or Jog - Name the days and time of day, or instead of a time you might say before bed or first thing after breakfast (got to eat right!)
d) Weekly Evaluations. The weekly evaluations are celebrations of progress, or to fix problems if missing the weekly goal. This is where you shine. You are her coach as well as someone to be held accountable to.


You are the closest person to her and the one who cares most about her and who will support her. No one else will have the time and commitment you have. You can play a major good role in her losing weight.