Endgame

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We didn't eat anything because we were too busy arguing.

Without her, my house a museum full of old dead things. It's peaceful in a way, but kind of boring.

It sounds to me like you're more into the idea of a relationship with her rather than an actual relationship.

I may be wrong - just how it seemed to me.

No I think you're right

It's not uncommon. From the things you've said I think you're actually better off.

I was actually thinking getting back with her.

Has she moved out already?

Not yet.

I went downstairs to let her in. My remote for the garage is broken so I have to go downstairs to push the button. As I stood, waiting for her to park a young couple went walking towards her car. They began a heated discussion with GF. I saw GF's car had a loose fender.

A short time earlier, they had collided. I hadn't seen it. It may or may not have happened while I was there. I wasn't looking. Had I realised I might be witness to an incident I might have paid more attention.

They had a long argument that went around in circles. She said it was his fault. He said it was her fault. No one had any evidence. There were no witnesses. GF demanded they give her money to get her car fixed. He said it wasn't his fault. GF wanted his insurance details. He said he didn't have insurance.

I stood there in bare feet and thought it was all rather pointless. I wasn't sure if it wasn't GF's fault after all. I know that she has trouble reversing. I couldn't prove that it was their fault and I couldn't force them to pay. What could I do? Sue them? It would probably cost more than getting the fender fixed. Besides we would probably lose.

I felt rather powerless and uncomfortable (and cold). I had no way of telling when this argument would end. It just kept going around and around and around.

I walked off. This is what made GF mad. She lost the argument with the young couple. I thought she was probably going to lose anyway.

Afterwards she had a crying fit, yelled at me for a while and then calmly announced she was leaving me as she was packing her clothes. She said I wasn't a real man. Perhaps she was right.

I see now that I really hurt her. Had I known before I wouldn't have walked off but at the time I thought I was just leaving them too it. The young couple probably thought I was a real fool.

She said that because I wasn't responsible enough to stand up for her that meant I wasn't responsible enough to be a parent. Perhaps she's right. Imagine if I had a son and then some angry father said my son hit her daughter. Would I defend my son or would I get scared and just try and placate the angry dad?

Maybe I really am a coward. I get scared of many social situations. Because she wants to start a family that means she wants a man who would be a suitable father. As I have said before, parenthood scares the willies out of me. After she said she was leaving I got quite upset about how this would effect me.

I thought my lying helplessly on the couch and moaning about how sad I was just made me appear even less of a real man than I already was. I was being quite selfish, thinking about how this would effect me. Thinking about how embarrassing it would be when my family asks where she is at the next family event.

My attempts to convince her to stay didn't work. She said she thought I thought she was cheap because I wouldn't buy her an expensive gift (recalling the previous night's argument where I wouldn't buy her an Apple Watch). I said the reason I hadn't bought it for her wasn't because of the money but because I really hate Apple. I suggested I could get her a Samsung watch from ebay instead. She said all electronics from ebay are fake (this is not true, I've bought many electronic devices from ebay).

She said she would move out and rent a room. I suggested she could rent one of my rooms. At first she was reluctant but eventually she agreed. She said we could have a casual relationship, which I agreed to. She said I could have a vasectomy and we wouldn't get married. I agreed, though I soon started having second thoughts about the vasectomy. What if I want to have kids later? Yes I know I'm very indecisive.

She said we could have an open relationship so she could find a better boyfriend. I did not agree. I said we should still be exclusive. She agreed. I said our casual relationship didn't preclude married. We could have a casual marriage. She said we should get married tomorrow.

WTF!!?? Tomorrow is too soon! My family will think I'm crazy if I marry someone I haven't known for very long. And tonight she had even admitted that she had moved herself in too soon. She said she had never before moved in with someone she barely knows so why did she have to start with me?

She after tomorrow's wedding we would try for a baby? Whaaat theee fudgesicles? It's too soon! So the following morning I woke up early. I couldn't sleep with her whimpering (not sure if she was having night terrors or just trying to annoy me).

I decided that I should leave her because she was moving too fast. I felt happy in a way because I could live peacefully in quite solitude without arguments. I could play my games and watch Youtube in peace without having her watch the same I Dream of Jeannie DVD over and over again.

But then I felt sad. I could have my games. I could have my apartment to myself but it all felt pointless. How would this add meaning to my life? I would just be sitting up on level 5, playing games for the next 50 years until I died from old age. The End.

Maybe I could get back with her but what if she left me again? I began thinking that's just more of my cowardice. I should not fear her leaving me. I have too much fear. I should just accept the possibility of her leaving and not feel anything. I could become an emotionless man.

Yet somehow that felt wrong too. If I cut myself off from all negative emotions I would cut myself from all positive emotions. I would be unable to feel love or joy.

Now we're discussing our reconciliation. She says the next time she gets into an argument I don't have to say anything but I should at least stand there. I'm thinking of buying her that Apple Watch this afternoon to surprise her, even though I really, really hate Apple.

The guy had no insurance. If he was being a jerk, she should have threatened to call the cops.

You probably shouldn’t have walked off. But you couldn’t argue with the guy, really. What’s done is done.

I hope you get back together.

Was he being a jerk? Well he refused to pay for an accident that may or may not have been his fault and he insulted her driving skills but he didn't actually use any threats or abuse or even raise his voice so I don't think calling the cops would be justified.

We'll probably get back together but it might not feel the same. At least not for a while.

*facepalm* at least you could say something, like you could intervene to ask him what happened, or calling your insurance.

Regardless who was at fault, you walked off from the situation like a complete idiot.

Yeah, WTF indeed What are you signing up for and why? Take care of yourself.

Yeah I know. I was stupid. I was very stupid. As I walked off they laughed at us. I embarrassed myself and her. If she had been capable of winning the argument herself she lost all credibility. I apologised but what's done is done. I can't change what I've done.

Does she already have a permanent residence?

No