Majority of autistuc men dont have a girlfriend?

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funeralxempire
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16 Jul 2024, 7:59 am

cyberdad wrote:
Do you mean train chasing pikachus on my phone. No not really.


I was more so thinking of the core games, but I guess it's like the people who've never listened to metal but still wear metal band merch.

I'm also poking fun at the phrase do you even lift.


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SkinnyElephant
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16 Jul 2024, 9:04 am

I saw it mentioned on this thread that some men will hide the fact they only want casual sex.

Here's the cliffnotes answer of why men do this: There are way more men who only want casual sex than women who only want casual sex.

And even if a woman is down for a casual sex arrangement, she's still likely to be offput if the man acts overly horny from the start.

If every man who only wanted casual sex were upfront about his intentions, hardly any men would get casual sex.

I'm not saying it's right for men to do this; all I'm doing is explaining why men do this.



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16 Jul 2024, 9:13 am

cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
.
The mere thought of asking a woman out makes my heart pound a mile a minute, makes me get so choked up I can barely speak, and makes me so shaky I could fall over at any second. Chances are Elliot (because of his social phobia) would have displayed the same characteristics if he asked anyone out.

If a guy is exhibiting the symptoms I described (racing heart, so choked up he can barely speak, so shaky he could fall over at any second), virtually no woman is going to accept his advances, even if she's physically attracted to him.

this is why listening to all sides is so important in a mature discussion. Yes, I agree, social anxiety makes it hard for young males (and females). But for young males who are in Elliot's situation it must have drove him nuts to be in his sexual prime and not be able to approach (let alone speak) to a female. I hope you can overcome your anxiety and make friends with women one day.


I've had female friends through the years.

Even though I used to be too shy to talk to girls even in a platonic way, I eventually overcame it.

The social phobia of asking a woman out, on the other hand, I still haven't overcome (I'm 33).

You're 100% correct, it must have been frustrating for Elliot to be in his sexual prime, yet unable to talk to girls (because of his social phobia).

I used hookup websites in college to circumvent my social phobia. And then at my current age (with a full time job), I no longer have time to spend countless hours on hookup websites, so I pay for my sex.

Elliot likely could have had success if he went the hookup website or paid route (and coming from a wealthy family, he certainly had the money for the paid route). If I recall, however, he said he shouldn't have to pay.

I'm not sure why he didn't look into hookup websites though.

Lastly, one more thing I'm going to say: Not to turn this into a political discussion, but I find it interesting how a lot of the bleeding hearts who sympathize with criminals acting out because of poverty or systemic discrimination have no sympathy whatsoever for a man who acts out because of social phobia (Elliot).



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16 Jul 2024, 9:15 am

cyberdad wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm sorry those things happened. Rest assured though, they aren't just autistic behaviours. I've known lots of NT people male and female who cross the line and get accused of harassment. The good thing is that autistics are likely to be respectful after a warning (imo), whereas the NTs I've known who act that way feel entitled and just won't stop.


As a male walking down the street and seeing a young woman cross to get away from me or an older lady lock eyes and clutch her handbag being male is seen as I am somehow a threat in public places. I'm not complaining, but it's a sad state of affairs.


Yeah. And what I find interesting is: If you profile a man for being of a certain race, you're seen as evil. Yet if you profile a man (without taking race into account) simply for being a man, society gives you a pass.

(I'm not saying we should discriminate based on race. My point is racial profiling and gender profiling should both get viewed as wrong)



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16 Jul 2024, 9:18 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
What someone wears doesn’t usually make much of a difference to me. I don’t find people threatening unless they engage in behavior I find threatening - staring, making unwanted remarks, not taking no for an answer, following me, walking behind me, catcalls, invading my personal space, being touchy feely, etc.


A common experience for men (which another male poster touched on) is: We happen to be heading in the same direction, at the same time, at the same speed as a woman.

We aren't purposely following you. It's a pure coincidence.

Yeah, I get that you have no idea what our intentions are. But on the other side of the coin, we can't help the fact we happen to be heading to a destination that's in the same direction as you.



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16 Jul 2024, 9:24 am

I have PTSD. I wasn’t claiming that my anxiety/what I find threatening is always rational although sometimes it’s smart to be cautious, especially when there are abusive exes around. Most women experience sexual harassment at some point in their lives. Many folks have experienced sexual abuse or know someone who did. Some have been stalked before. People who are anxious or wary in these sorts of situations usually have a reason to be.



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16 Jul 2024, 11:07 am

auntblabby wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
What does accidental harassment look like?

when i complimented a woman on her artfully applied makeup. lordy, boss read me the riot act over that because the person complained up the chain of command. was told words to effect of, "if you're not brad pitt, keep your mouth shut around patients."


OMG I'm sorry. That must have really upset you. I'm sure you were just admiring the aesthetic.


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16 Jul 2024, 11:17 am

nick007 wrote:
I'm very lucky I never got accused of harassment in the workplace. I asked out a few women & when they told me they were busy I assumed they really were busy & I'd ask again a couple weeks later suggesting a different day. I'm so dense I actually didn't realize that being busy was a common brush-off till after I joined this forum in my mid 20s.


I'm a woman and I didn't even know "I'm busy" was a polite brush-off, because I take things literally and expect people to be honest. I guess that's my autism. Chances are if someone told me they were busy I'd think it was the truth. I don't know if I'd ask again though because I'd hope they say a few days later "I'm not busy today!"

Now I'm wondering if I ever told someone I was busy (being honest) and they took it as a rejection.

Social faux-pas can happen for autistic women too.


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16 Jul 2024, 11:52 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I have PTSD. I wasn’t claiming that my anxiety/what I find threatening is always rational although sometimes it’s smart to be cautious, especially when there are abusive exes around. Most women experience sexual harassment at some point in their lives. Many folks have experienced sexual abuse or know someone who did. Some have been stalked before. People who are anxious or wary in these sorts of situations usually have a reason to be.


I've been singled out and terrorized for the color of my skin. Yet if I profiled everyone from the same races I've been terrorized by, I'd be viewed as evil.

But couldn't someone like me make the same argument (that I have reason to be wary)?



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16 Jul 2024, 11:55 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I'm very lucky I never got accused of harassment in the workplace. I asked out a few women & when they told me they were busy I assumed they really were busy & I'd ask again a couple weeks later suggesting a different day. I'm so dense I actually didn't realize that being busy was a common brush-off till after I joined this forum in my mid 20s.


I'm a woman and I didn't even know "I'm busy" was a polite brush-off, because I take things literally and expect people to be honest. I guess that's my autism. Chances are if someone told me they were busy I'd think it was the truth. I don't know if I'd ask again though because I'd hope they say a few days later "I'm not busy today!"

Now I'm wondering if I ever told someone I was busy (being honest) and they took it as a rejection.

Social faux-pas can happen for autistic women too.


On a related note, there have probably been times a woman thought I was turning down her advances because I failed to act on her advances.

Really though, chances are it's because my ASD prevented me from even realizing she was making advances.

The only time I've ever flat out turned down a girl was in 7th grade (she was so obvious, even I could tell she was into me)



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16 Jul 2024, 12:12 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
On a related note, there have probably been times a woman thought I was turning down her advances because I failed to act on her advances.

Really though, chances are it's because my ASD prevented me from even realizing she was making advances.



On a related note, there have probably been times a man thought I was turning down his advances because I failed to act on his advances, because I'm clueless that way.

Chances are it's because my ASD prevented me from even realizing he was making advances.


There should be a thread about how to approach people / respond / reject / accept dates for people on the spectrum because it seems like we all have the same issues. Is there already a thread like that? I can't remember.

We all might be able to help each other if we identify our common weak areas and share opinions / experiences without the gender divide which most threads here seem to promote.


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16 Jul 2024, 12:14 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I have PTSD. I wasn’t claiming that my anxiety/what I find threatening is always rational although sometimes it’s smart to be cautious, especially when there are abusive exes around. Most women experience sexual harassment at some point in their lives. Many folks have experienced sexual abuse or know someone who did. Some have been stalked before. People who are anxious or wary in these sorts of situations usually have a reason to be.

I've been singled out and terrorized for the color of my skin. Yet if I profiled everyone from the same races I've been terrorized by, I'd be viewed as evil.

But couldn't someone like me make the same argument (that I have reason to be wary)?

Given some of the arguments and data that have been detailed in this thread, I would say that it’s not the same thing.

When a person has PTSD, it’s an automatic response. It’s not about “profiling” although, once again, based on the data, general differences in height and strength, as well as the lived experience of many folks, it seems like exercising caution would be prudent.

Being cautious doesn’t mean that women think that all or most men are abusers. It’s more about risk management.



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16 Jul 2024, 2:03 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I have PTSD. I wasn’t claiming that my anxiety/what I find threatening is always rational although sometimes it’s smart to be cautious, especially when there are abusive exes around. Most women experience sexual harassment at some point in their lives. Many folks have experienced sexual abuse or know someone who did. Some have been stalked before. People who are anxious or wary in these sorts of situations usually have a reason to be.

I've been singled out and terrorized for the color of my skin. Yet if I profiled everyone from the same races I've been terrorized by, I'd be viewed as evil.

But couldn't someone like me make the same argument (that I have reason to be wary)?

Given some of the arguments and data that have been detailed in this thread, I would say that it’s not the same thing.

When a person has PTSD, it’s an automatic response. It’s not about “profiling” although, once again, based on the data, general differences in height and strength, as well as the lived experience of many folks, it seems like exercising caution would be prudent.

Being cautious doesn’t mean that women think that all or most men are abusers. It’s more about risk management.


Despite being a man, I'm physically weaker than most of the population.



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16 Jul 2024, 2:08 pm

Yet it seems many men have profiled women, at least socially, by determining that they're all gold diggers who will be rude to them, embarrass them, or reject all their attempts at friendship / dating. I think that behaviour is also based in part on fear and risk management by men. If they get burnt once or twice, they decide to give up on asking women for dates. When women get abused once or twice (or more), they often feel uncomfortable around men and try to avoid them just the same.

I wish people would see that men and women are both acting the same way for self-protection, instead of thinking that women overreact to their fears but men are completely justified with theirs.


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16 Jul 2024, 4:36 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Do you mean train chasing pikachus on my phone. No not really.


I was more so thinking of the core games, but I guess it's like the people who've never listened to metal but still wear metal band merch.


Oh! yes, that was common back in the day when I was in school, kids would wear ACDC or Kiss t-shirts



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16 Jul 2024, 4:50 pm

I still wear band T-shirts.


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