timidme wrote:
What does an 'aspie guy' want or need from one of us (besides the obvious?)
Most guys, aspie or no, as far as I've been able to tell, really aren't that in need of sex. I mean, sure they've got the drive, and it's really strong, but slaking the thirst does not quench the hunger, if that makes any sense.
What guys have is insecurity. They are shown big, brawny hulks of men, who achieve superhuman feats, never give up, and achieve things through their own isolated cunning, tenacity and fearlessness. Boys are expected to play with trucks and guns, harsh angular things, destroying things. I'd say most guys would be a nervous wreck by the time they grew up. It's a horribly restrictive standard, and dreadfully isolating. Imagine the boy, trying to be a boy: he must not show weakness or emotion, he must not turn to friends for help. If he does, then he will literally get beaten up. Beaten up! People will bruise boys and break their bones, just because the boys weren't man enough to "stand up for themselves." Say nothing of the bones boys are expected to break when they are drafted into the pre-military sports like soccer (aka football), and football (aka USA rugby).
So besides the obvious nookie, I think the best thing you can do to get guys what they need is to offer them validation. Make them feel like people, feel worthwhile. It's not romantic when a man must kill himself for those he loves--there's almost always a better way out of such a situation. If you can find a male friend who you can talk to like a girlfriend, then you might be onto something. What males need in our society really is acceptance and community.
Gosh, and especially Aspies. NTs are usually way more able to be aggressive, and less vulnerable to both emotional and physical pain. So if you're looking for some sweet loving with an Aspergers man, definitely consider letting them know they can always come to you for help and solace. (And nookie.) Gah! Quiet you! (...)
Not that you'll be able to pull a Beauty and the Beast. Some guys are just damaged goods, dangerous to be around, and not anyone's responsibility to bring to healing. I recommend treating them as you would a vicious dog, seriously. Pity them: perhaps, help: maybe, save: not a chance, get close to: bad idea. Or worse than a vicious dog, treat them like a nonswimmer drowning in molten lava. (Woo, I'll never see episode 3!) They'll chase you, grab you, drag you down and kill you, and themselves, and whether it's a symbolic social death (i.e. marriage) or actually getting killed, definitely not something you ever should have to deal with.