Has anyone never had a GF/BF before?

Post Reply New Topic

The worst part is I now dont' have a gf but I see people with one and I am scrathing my head wondering one thing why????

Like everyone, I haven't found anyone worth trusting yet..Though I'm 18 so pfeh.

I actually like the fact that people can be sane enough not to waste the ultimate plot-point of a lifestory, the "as good as it gets" like..well..like a drug

nope! and its awesome. Having friends is good enough for me...for now. Maybe 10 years later I will feel awkward.

Yes, had 1 last year (was my first real gf). We were together for a year, half way through the year I started to resent her wishing I was alone again so I broke up. She was NT and very demanding emotionally, I tried... the more i opened up the more my emotions went haywire and I coulden't control it any longer I started to pass out in clubs and getting quakes all over my body a.k.a got to painful. But I love one night stands and I have had sex before plenty of times. I've always been a horny and sexually active lil fella ever since childhood but if the exchange for a nice f**k is the contribution of my emotions then no thanks. I view sex as something playful, always have and if the other part wants me to open up then I lose my crazed sex drive completely.

Aspies f**k for fun and exploration, NTs f**k for comfort and security.

meoow out!

It's exactly the same for me! We've still got time, though.

Couldn't agree more with all you've said here! Except for the passing out in clubs part, but I could certainly see myself wanting badly to be alone if I were in the type of relationship that passes as "normal".

If your last statement is true about the NTs, I guess that explains why they aren't very interested in me. Though they certainly make it sound like they have sex for fun, if not exploration.

Any tips on how to actually get that fun and exploration? It seems like you've found lots of other kitties to meow with!

The part where I passed out was the result of acting "normal" and ignoring my sensitive overload, I continued to drink and party, smoke weed and push myself beyond my fight or flight instincts. It's real tough but I'm no runner and I always make the best of the situation (always been a optimist) so I have learned some tricks and trades of spending some "quality" time with the NTs (been in plenty of fights as well, got my nose broken and other fun things so i have overcome certain fears like physical violence which I would do ANYTHING to avoid when I was younger).

NTs make it seem like they have sex for the pure pleasure and enjoyment, some do of course... but the real truth too it is that they are real scared of the lack of intimacy and they need that flesh to flesh contact the warmth of another even if it's only for a night. It is only through others they can feel truly alive and so they seek out connections someone to share their experiences with. For them it's a game of exchange, their wicked view of equality and balance that makes up a good relationship. Aspies are strong individuals when alone, they know what to do, they can learn and evolve but it is the disturbing factor outside the bubble we live in that guilts us and makes us different.

- You are not a cog in our great machine therefore you do not fit in.
- Well f**k that I'll build my own creation then.

But don't get me wrong, I've never been no bad boy or ever had a craving for breaking laws. I have always been a nice guy and liked by many (even though I never really wanted it to be like that) but I do have a compulsion to be straight forward and honest. I don't curl up when confronted by girls (I get a little nervous and giggle yes) but I never shut down. Being "raised" by a horde of women and feminists it's quite easily programmed in to you how to treat and respond to females. Most girls I been with said after the sex that I was odd, I was so shy and nervous and my verbal ticks went off at some points and I had to read and learn her body language to learn then to shut the f**k up and let her take the lead (where ever it was going), but after we got to the bedroom I suddenly changed and I felt I had total control, I felt like it was my playground, and my chance to explore what I had been yearning for all night. In a social environment the other part has the overhand and you could easily f**k up and freeze up, but in a game where no words were needed just pure naked acrobatics I shook all those worries off and I felt at home.

This ofc took time to master but through not giving up and ignoring the stupid fight or flight mechanism we have I got things rolling real well and my women issues and worries slowly faded. I still get nervous and upset over hole bunch of other things but since the sexual experience was such a strong drive in me I felt i HAD to tame something I was so interested in even if it included another human being.

In short, practice makes perfect (even if it scares the living s**t out off you).

I also hate when things are solved with violence. Yet I also do have this aggressive side that starts to get let out when I'm frustrated and/or bothered by other people. I'd really hate for it to come to that point, but I really could see myself blowing up the world someday if I had the ability and was provoked enough. I really, really don't tend to associate with people who provoke me, though.



Well, I'm interested in exploring physical intimacy (cuddling, doing various things other than sex naked, etc.) as well. And touching a warm body would be nice... but not all the time. I also feel that I might still be able to learn some of what love and closeness is about, if a nice girl tried to teach me while we were being intimate.

That's one of the many things I keep ranting about with normal people--they seem to avoid all bodily contact except for handshakes and the like except with really special people, and once they've experienced being naked and intimate with someone, then they feel they have to go all out and spend all their free time with the person. It's as if there's no middle ground.



I totally feel that I'd be the same way. I also sometimes worry that sexually adventurous women might write me off just because they notice that I'm socially innocent, and that through some really warped though process they assume this means I'm also sexually "innocent" and wouldn't want a wild romp in the sack.

Don't get me wrong, even though I've been in a fair amount of fights I never ever started a single one of them. Trouble just seeks me out. And jeah i know the feeling, the urge of sometimes going apocalyptic on this rotten globe. I can bet that every Aspie at one point in life wished they had a global boom button. But I'm rather a poster child for turning the other cheek, and i would take NO pride in starting a fight or beating someone all I do is defend myself and my friends, no one has the right to lay a hand on you. And I'm damn proud being a Aspie, most peaceful creature on earth.




Mmm, it's a all or nothing game they're playing. I prefer the sex part though. The cuddling makes me feel real weird, I had nothing against it from the start and it happened in fair amounts and it was all good but as you said after sex a invisible engagement ring is born and they feel the need of two becoming one. The constant state of being "glued" together made me feel real claustrophobic and i didn't know how to tell her in a nice way to get off of me. I remember she liked to lay there in bed after the deed was done face to face just staring in to my eyes and doing all that sweet talk. I started to feel really queasy and she went on saying "I love you"... in my mind I was like "f**k...". Then one day I noticed she needed it, I could feel it she needed to hear it so I just said it the most fabricated romantic way possible, of course she bought it. At this point the fun and games was over the play of sex and exploration that was so much fun had turned very serious and emotional. That was my way of showing her that I liked her (never being any good with the spoken word) I now found myself in a runt where I had to go on pretending and saying things I didn't mean. It was awful and it made me mad I had to sit there verbally showering here in fabricated words instead of doing what I did best, showing her through action (talk is cheap). She did not understand this and became craving and filled of doubt drilling me emotionally till I lost myself and became very bitter from something that started out so beautifully, playfully. I explained to her at the end that I have some limitations and I needed my space and my way to act or I would lose myself. She did not agree and I don't think she fully understood though I spent a fair amount of energy and time explaining it. So I'll end this as I started. it's a game of all or nothing (especially with those who do not understand you and the way you need to be and the way you were made).




I had the same thoughts before I broke through my wall. I thought that my social behavior would reflect upon my intimate actions. But I was proven wrong by myself, I was no pro at first (nervous and stale) but I had the luck of meeting or being picked up by this girl in my class 3 years ago and she was very playful and kind, I felt right at home and I managed to surprise her in different ways. She once said I was like a kid, and it made me very happy and safe in a sexual environment because I did feel like a kid and I did feel playful. And what I once doubted as a behavior I now embraced and it lead me to explore and learn in my own way and it both boosted self esteem when you were intimate and I could clearly see on her behavior that the things I did were new and well appreciated and welcomed. I grew sexually creative and soon all fears of proper sex etiquette went out the window. I learned that sex was not a text book manual you had to follow, instead you should incorporate your inner individuality and play out your desires.



*purr* *purr* out!

29, single male, tried dating or getting into a relationship a few times . . . none of which were long term (longest was a online "correspondence" that lasted for 11 months). I would like to at least find a companion (not in the FIREFLY/SERENITY sense) to at least take some edge off the loneliness. If something blossoms from that, so be it, but im not one to rush into something blindly (sex included). Sex wise, im a virgin, yes, but i was raised to believe it was something special between two people . . . ergo casual sex doesnt exist/have any meaning to me. That, and in a world where everything has a price, the term "casual sex" is/can be dangerously misleading. <shuts up to avoid further ranting).

Oh, I totally know what you're talking about.



Yeah, they have a way of ruining it don't they. That's the only positive thing I can say about being a virgin, at least I haven't had a girl cry in bed in the morning because somehow, despite me telling her it was only playful, she got the wrong idea.



I didn't mean I worry that my social awkwardness would make me bad at sex, I see no reason why that would be the case. In fact, I think it might make me better, since I haven't internalized all the restrictions and norms that the social world places on it.

What I mean is, that a girl who is up for some playful sex would reject me offhand because of my poor social skills leading up to the act, so I would never get the chance to show her how creative I can be in bed. It's amazing how much people read into how you act socially, such that they assume that someone who acts socially clueless is going to be clueless about everything else, even though rationally that makes no sense.

Jeah, I know what you mean. It truly is f****d. We read people in different ways, I have the ability to look someone in the eyes and scan his/her behavior and i will know exactly what kind of person it is, this is my natural gift and also my defense mechanism for sh***y people. "Normal" people can't do that, they speak of how much they can feel and love but when it comes down to pure instinct and telling s**t from gold they are blind. Instead they judge the book by its cover and go for the most luxuries package on the shelf that in the end contains something they truly didn't like. It's all about representation, the impression something gives at first glimpse and all those "normals" have to suffer for their stupidity, that leading to all of them crying over them selves that they put them selves out there constantly and take risks getting their feelings hurt. But I get what you're saying, therefor there are two ways of getting through this gap. First is to improve your social skills (that's what I did in my pursuit of reaching my goal) or the second is to be met by another unique individual who will see through it all and see the real award, but there are few, there are some but the chance and the percentage of them meeting is slim. That's why some self sacrifice is needed and the need for self boosting so that you can at least start up a comfortable conversation with someone who meets your demands. But I learned that being completely silent wouldn't get me far so I did what I had to do. And i repeat "Even if it scares the living s**t out of you", do it. Step by step.

This was the hardest s**t ever and it made me feel like such a monster. She used to cry and I just didn't know what to do, I knew I could hold her and say:- "there.. there.." and all that fairy tale s**t, but I didn't and it would also be a lie. And emotional outbursts and crying could just come out of nowhere and the level of stress and anxiety I felt was f*****g killing me. I don't mind a relationship but not with a NT, though I have never met another aspie boy or girl in my life. Hell if I would I bet I wouldn't be able to tell, I'd just go thinking they are mad at something or just quiet in general. I lack a aspie detector... if there even is such a thing. *ha!*

*ZZzzzZZzzzz* sleepy cat out!

I'm 17, never had a girlfriend, had sex, or been in love. I have a lot of people in my classes ask me stuff related to this a lot, and they're always surprised, which makes me feel even MORE left out. It's just cause I'm a big introvert and keep to myself a lot, so I never am interested in getting a girl. I never even have feelings of love towards anyone.

Have had only two gf's, never got past "hands-on" activities lol. Been single since college. Now that I think about it I can recall having a few opportunities of getting laid, but I had no idea of interpreting that at the time....so here I am 23 years old and still a virgin.

I don't do the 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' thing at all. Never have. I just enjoy myself with other consenting adults in a non-judgemental fashion.