How not to come across as creepy.

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But the alternative is what? it's somewhat a dead end road and an over indulgence in self pity never got anyone anywhere in life.

You've yet to tell my how my sexual orientation means I am less astute in acceptable social mores.

I didn't make a thread telling men how to act around women. I and others just pointed out that much of what's been said to that effect in this thread (BY men) is absurd.

Do you often find yourself proclaiming people who dare to disagree with you "uptight"?

when a woman tells men not to ask questions or to never kino her, she is either full of crap or very uptight

most of the op's points were basically telling men to stay away from women

albertwesker, I'm with you on women [unintentionally] giving misleading advice/suggestions. That's exactly why we need a forum for men here.

You will need to elaborate. And define "over indulgence" while you're at it. If acknowledging fact is "over indulgence in self pity" (who here is doing that?), that makes willful ignorance raw power. This is logically unsound.

I think you've just made the complete opposite point of what I was trying to say, congratulations.

There was one once, supposedly, and it was identical in content to the Adult forum.

That's just what I heard.

State what you intended to state.

Im not asexual, and I agree with Bethie. Furthermore, you can be asexual and still know what would make women feel uncomfortable.

Well I know it is difficult, hard because it can be difficult to make a good impression when you have a tendency to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.

It can be very hard to pick yourself up after a bad run with trying to socialise. I have been there many times, ie after having meltdowns because the social situation becomes out of control because I didnt understand it and then did something dumb.

I think though that that is why it is so important not to blame ourselves too much. All we can do is learn from our mistakes, but we do have a handicap compared to NTs with that social stuff. So it is important not to beat yourself up, but pick yourself up gently, dust yourself off, and move on.

It is something I have trouble with, as I can get very angry at myself when I have done yet another faux pas but I think I am slowly learning to be more confident.

I especially have problems with the "what to say" part. I run thought experiments on how to resolve common or possible situations all the time. However, there are times when I can't resolve a scenario that I designed myself. If I see the same girl I see every Thursday get done tutoring someone else in math and I approach her as she walks away from the table, what do I say? These types of things I run over and over in my head and have no sensible answer to. If I try approaching her in reality, it will fail. But I won't know what to learn from it, because there wouldn't have been any solid reasoning behind whatever action I took. Can't modify a methodology that was never there. That would only agonize me, and prolong the "picking yourself up" step.

Bethie, if you ask a forum of sexual NT girls how they would react to that, many of them could deny it for fear of looking like a slut. Since you fail to understand the social situation where it would be acceptable to compliment a woman sexually, you'll phrase your question in a leading manner. Also, most women don't frequent message boards; they stick to Facebook. So you'll be getting all answers from nerdy girls and none from party girls, who might respond positively to things far worse than "Cute boobies" but STILL may not admit it. The only reason you think you know something about this is because you, yourself, are a woman. But you're an asexual woman with Asperger's.

Studying pickup can help your knowledge of how to react in social situations and what to say to a woman, but using scripted routines will only magnify your awkwardness, and you need to learn which advice to avoid; some of it is written by NTs who flirt with women like "jerks" and that won't work for you at first because it requires knowledge of how to properly break social rules, and other info is written by people who hate women and seek to have sex with as many of them as possible in a failed effort to fix their insecurities.

Many social rules can EASILY be broken using confidence and social skills. Don't take all of your dating advice from women or romantic comedies. It doesn't work like the movies. Friendships don't become relationships with heartfelt admission of your longing and epic romantic gestures.

It was sarcasm. I'm not Brad Pitt and I'll never be. If I stick with it I can buff up, and lose this big stomach, but whether I look like Brad Pitt or not, if I am overcome with anxiety and look like a ret*d idiot when I'm talking to a girl, I'll get nowhere most of the time. What will help is if I put myself in a different frame of mind, and look at things from a different perspective. Think of her as a regular person like me rather than a Goddess like I would usually think of a girl I like.



I completely agree with this. Rejection sucks, plain and simple. I try to think of it like this: If I ask a girl out and she says no or if I don't ask her out and she didn't want to go out with me anyway the result is the same; I don't have a date. Though rejection is embarrassing and belittling, you have to think of it in the same mindset that whether you asked or not, the result is still the same.



It was sarcasm. Other than lose weight and get toned/muscular, how else can I change my looks? I really wouldn't want to anyway. I've noticed that even though one girl might say I'm not that good looking, another might say I'm really cute. Just as Markmagnum said, there are women out there that might think I'm absolutely repulsive, others might say I'm so so, and others might say I'm really cute. There is a lid for every pot, as they say.

And also too, when I started going out with my ex, her friend said to her that I was much better looking than her previous ex. This got me thinking, even though a woman might not say it or show it, it doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't find me attractive. Taking things literal, I thought they only found me attractive is if they have expressed it to me in some way. For years when I was younger I thought this way. Since I was afraid of social interaction I engaged in it very little, so I never got much feedback from women if I was attractive or not. It wasn't until I was with my recent ex that I finally realized, that even girls I thought wouldn't even look at me actually did and thought I was attractive. Even her one other friend said I looked hot when I had my hair spiked up with gel. I was floored by this, because I never thought she'd even look my way, let alone say I looked hot.

This just goes to show, that if I set aside my rigid, black and white thinking, and stop taking everything literally, maybe I can find a date just as easy as any neurotypical. All I need is a little gel in my hair.

A lot of what you said describes me as well. I never thought a girl could find me attractive because they never told me I was and I didn't know what cues to look for. "Being yourself" with a girl is a concept you can't understand until you accidentally stop thinking so hard, get lost in her eyes, and accidentally do it.

Unfortunately, rejection caused "myself" to be a needy and insecure little weirdo, and rather than gain confidence I learned the behaviors that go along with confidence, which caused people to treat me as though I were confident, which gave me some confidence.

Although learning to "be yourself" is the best way to interact with girls, I still had to learn to do, and not to do, certain behaviors. Texting a girl every day with lengthy texts? I thought nothing of it. You also have to be your SEXUAL self or you'll be stuck in the friend zone.

Well perhaps you need to study social skills. One of the difficult things about being an aspie is trying to run before we can walk. We miss out on a lot of childhood social learning by being out of tune with things. I think what could help is to gain an understanding of what to say to people, and an understanding of how social situations work. Talking to a woman is like any social situation, it is just talking to a person.

There are many issues that men can discuss about other than penis' size and masturbation:

-Shaving-related things.
-Body hair
-Men clothes
-Working out
-Masculinity issues (ie. guys who are seen as effeminate by other guys and how to deal with it , ie. guys who don't feel too masculine.)....
-Man-to-man bullying and belittling.
-Male beauty products
-Typical and untypical male interests
-Body issues : beer belly, small arms, over-huge muscles...etc
-Fatherhood instinct.
-Male-to-male harassments and sexual harassment issues

Those are off the top of my head, I am sure there are much more men-related stuff to discuss.

The excuse of "Men's forum will be just an adult forum and therefore has no reason to exist" is pretty offensive to me as a male,
we're more than just penis on legs.

I made a quick glance on the women's forum (I almost never post there) , and here some of the threads on the first page :





Can't the "Flirting" be posted on L&D? and even "Keeping relationships platonic" thread?

Is " Female Aspies with Color Blindness Issues" really an exclusive female issue? can't be on the Autism forum? Same for "How old were you when you were diagnosed?"

What about the "[ Poll ] A question of gender: Would you rather be male or female?" and the "Dream job" threads? both can be on other forums.

Maternal instinct? this can be on parent forum.



There's absolutely no excuse why a men's forum shouldn't be there besides a women's forum.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 10 Apr 2011, 10:25 am, edited 1 time in total.