Most Aspie men are in over their heads with dating.

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I have seen a lot of people flat out refuse something because its hard
then whine that they don't get anywhere

I don't agree with everything said by foreveryoung and his gang and the attitude you're talking about , far from it, I do not agree with most of what they say , it just happened that I was just talking about Willard's attitude in my post. Heh ....I didn't even read the OP of this thread when I wrote my long post since the whole thread sounded so lost and confusing.

i'm not advocating promiscuity, but at the same time that women became a bit more free with their sexuality they also became less dependent on men, which is good for everyone.

you describe women as a coherent force operating to oppress you. nothing could be further from the truth, but in speaking you reveal your inability to see women as individuals, and you fail to see the power differential that has existed historically and still exists.

feminist women will not like you. they will largely be intelligent, independent thinkers whose personal ambitions override any desires to sublimate their true needs in order to fulfill a familial role. you are threatened by such independence even as you are equating it erroneously with financial dependence.

you are acting from a reactive place of extrapolating based on a personal rejection and without admitting that it is impossible to discuss this matter with you in any reasonable manner.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by this. Especially the bolded part.

and people accuse me of playing the victim card...

This from someone whose profile clearly labels him as Neurotypical. Are we to understand now that you are not only one of the dreaded NT, but a licensed psychologist as well? Perhaps you just watch a lot of Dr Phil.

FoB, why are you even here? If you aren't Autistic yourself and don't have an Autistic child, what is your true purpose here? I have called you a troll more than once and I reiterate - you are only here to stir up trouble and confuse issues about which you know nothing.

But let's answer your ill-informed snarky remarks (this will only be repeating and elaborating on things I've posted before, if anyone cares to go back and verify).

While I do not, nor have I ever claimed to speak for everybody in these forums. I do not hesitate to point out that I am more than twice the age of the young men who make it their hobby to log onto WP and whine about how they cannot and never will be able to talk to girls or date or form relationships, and having already passed through those years and survived them qualifies me to comment on what you are likely to expect in the future., depending on how much effort you are willing to exert, or how much self-pity you choose to wallow in. How can I claim to know your future? Because your present is my past.

The experiences I have recounted here in no way support the allegation that I have been misdiagnosed - those claims are just more weak excuse-making for not sucking up the anxiety and going out into the world and learning something that's difficult for someone with AS. Easier to take potshots at a stranger than to believe you're capable of the one thing you want most in the world.

I tell you these stories to demonstrate to those who feel weak and hesitant, that you can succeed in spite of your handicap. How do I know this with such certainty? Because 35 years ago I was you. All the pissing and moaning and bellyaching I see you guys doing online - I was doing alone in my attic room at 16. All the things you tell yourselves about how you will never be able to talk to women, how you'll end up alone forever, how a girlfriend would dispel all your misery and make your life content and livable at last - I told myself all those things in the exact same words I read in these forums - and I was wrong.

So what made the difference for me? Was it those wonderful NT qualities of suave social skills and brash self confidence that FaceofBULL claims I have? Hell, no. Cause I don't have those advantages.

In some ways it was a combination of coincidental influences that happened to come together in my life just when I needed them:

1) My family moved from a large city where I was an anonymous invisible Autistic wallflower that no one even acknowledged as existing, to a small town where a few other kids my age went out of their way to drag me out of my solitude and befriended me almost against my will;

2) The fact that my Dad had just gone into the ministry and my family was expected to be active in the church on a constant and visible level, so I had no choice but to be among people, despite the fact that I loathed religion as much as crowds - I was stuck in the middle of a youth group and had to participate whether I was comfortable with it or not, fortunately for me they were a friendly bunch, the group at our previous church had been cliquish and snooty - in two years I don't think one of them ever bothered to ask my name;

3) A fortuitous incident in which someone happened to mention in my presence that the student body president was quitting his job at the local radio station to go to college, at which I began gushing about what a cool job that must be and one of those gregarious NTs who had befriended me when I first got to town, drove me out to the station without telling me where we were going and introduced me to the program director. I would never have gone out there on my own and I was both excited and mortified at the idea of actually getting the job (Which I've also pointed out repeatedly, involved working in a room alone and talking to myself). After two weeks of practicing in an empty studio, the PD only got me to go on the air by sitting me in front of the control board and walking out of the building and driving away, leaving me in the station alone. Trust me, you've never had a panic attack until someone puts you in front of a live mic with an audience of a few thousand and just walks away. I did it because I had no choice - but I did it. And I didn't even pass out.

Maybe it hasn't occurred to you FaceofBULL, but one of the main reasons I was able to become successful at meeting girls was the very fact that with the radio station request line, I didn't have to actually meet them to talk to them - there was no eye contact, no nonverbal facial expressions or body language signals to read - it was only the words they spoke that I had to translate, and if things went sour, I was in control - I could just hang up on them. Best of all, they were calling me, I wasn't walking up to them in a crowd and getting their numbers. By the time I ever went to meet any of them face-to-face I'd already been talking to them for hours and days, so the awkwardness was considerably minimized - there was plenty, no doubt, but I already knew they liked me or I wouldn't have gone to meet them. The hardest part of making the social contact was already over.

But more than anything else what made me able to face these situations and deal with them, was that I did not know I had Autism. Oh, I knew it was hard, I convinced myself that I couldn't do it, and then I went out in the world and learned to do it anyway, because I had no choice - I wasn't allowed the luxury of boo-hooing that I couldn't do it because of my Autism, curling up in a flaccid ball and giving up. Nobody I knew had ever heard the word Autism. I was simply expected to by-god do whatever everyone else was doing, period. If it was harder for me than for most other guys, too bad. Nobody was going to help me and nobody was going to feel sorry for me for failing. And that's my point.

I know its hard for you guys. I do know that. I lived it. I got a few lucky breaks, I'll admit, but I didn't realize it at the time, it was just life the way it happened. And you will find work-arounds and coping mechanisms, and it will happen organically, over time. You won't know that its happening until one day you look around you and realize you're capable of doing things socially you once thought you'd never do. But it can only happen if you are willing to risk humiliation and heartbreak and put yourself out there in spite of the agonizing difficulties and the paralyzing fear.

And I've also said this before, feel free to look it up: Be careful what you wish for. If you're convinced romance is going to fix your unhappiness, you're in for a very painful shock, 'cause it not only will it not fix it for very long, it can cause you pain beyond anything you can imagine now.




You know, its funny, that was my first thought as well. How can a group of catty gossips call themselves Autistic? That's neurotypical behavior to a T. Sounds like several somebodies may be faking their Autism.

That is the truest thing said in this whole thread!

you do...aLOT!

8 out of 10 cats prefer Whiskas.

FaceOfBull ...lol ..nice humor.

o boy , what a long cry.

I've put the NT label on my profile because I am not sure ...... I am not sure what I am. Currently, I call my condition 'social ineptness'.

I am waiting for this diagnostic system to be available in order to do it : http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 49090.html

if It's proven to be genuine then it would be a very objective way for a diagnosis.





Willards, listen , most teens , aspie, NT , BL , you name them , moan and whine about those things at 16 , this is so typical. In fact, I noticed that most members here do not start whining that young since they start to bloom so late.

I myself , was never interested in any kind of relationship before age 23.

At age 16 , I was struggling with more basic stuff than relationships, I was struggling at schooling (grades wise) , struggling coping the school's life (bullies, bad friends ...etc) and even suffering a non social , it was only at the last 2 years of school that I had a some kind of social life ....with a group of weirdos who were social outcasts themselves. Love ,girls....those were my last concerns at age 14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22 because i was distracted by too much other concerns.

23-16 = 7 years. ...huge difference , you were 7 years ahead of me in the dating/friendship/sociallife world and it's not stopping here. So ....no , you were not me.








The fact that you were doing good as a Radio dj means that you were a smooth talker, and the fact that you actually succeeded in attracting girls just by talking with on phone indicates you were a too good talker.

Fine, let's blame the celebrity's effect , the lack of social skills don't become any less if you become familiar with them before meeting them face-to-face, the real struggle starts once you meet a person face-to-face , regardless if you know him/her 'before' on the net/phone or not.
Talking out of my personal experience , "knowing" people on phone/chat beforehand didn't make things for me any easier when I meet them for real , my lack of social skills are still there , intact.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 24 Aug 2010, 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What I've learned today...

FOB is qualified to diagnose a complicated neurological disorder like AS over the internet for people he knows little about, but is not objective enough to diagnose himself.

NTism is not a disorder in order to be diagnosed. and I didn't diagnose anyone.

All what I said , that based on his past posts/exp/stories, he did not sound aspie, he sounded more like a totally normal functioning person.

Boo, I had a child at 19, and I definately have AS. Haveing sex does not equal NT.

shall I say to you, you cant have AS as youve had a job because I have no job or because someone drives because I cant drive.

Its a ridiculous thing to 'undiagnose' people because of their sexual experience or job profile.

Fine, you didn't diagnose him. You did question his diagnosis, though. Are you qualified to do this?

And no, you didn't say he seemed NT. You agreed with someone else that said he can't possibly have AS.

Last edited by TeaEarlGreyHot on 24 Aug 2010, 3:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is what I was getting at. Albeit, in my own completely sarcastic way.

nope , it doesn't , but having a very normal lifestyle and good speaking/social/humor skills and a very typically normal sexual life/experience approximately do.

Dot not envy my job much , most of my colleagues (from university) are advancing in their career much better. My CEO told me that the ONLY reason why he didn't hand me the manager position when my previous manager left was my social awkwardness ("You are too socially awkward" , he said) , that's why he hired someone else for this position and I remained as an assistant.
My CEO even wanted to send me to the the KSA branch because he thought that I can handle the non-social type of life there.

I am seeking a job elsewhere , but I am failing the job interviews it seems.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 24 Aug 2010, 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.