Dating profile, part 2

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If you can do that, do it. It would be 10000x better than dwelling in the illusive world of dating sites.

Too bad I feel currently kinda stuck with my social circle and unable to expand it.

Same wit me right now.

maybe it's time for you to take some break , stop okcupiding for a while.....

When you gonna start your phd again?

I'll probably only start working on my PhD next year. I was hoping to get a date by these Chrismas holidays because that would be the perfect time for it.

I've got another question. If I don't usually get any more replies on OKCupid other than to the first message, could that mean I'm doing something wrong? What could I do to improve that?

Maybe. I dunno. I've had a few like that in the last few months. I think sometimes they just aren't interested, in which case, you've not done anything wrong, you're just not what they are looking for.

Jono, are you at university? Because if you are, that's probably a much better arena to look for someone.

I'm at university but I don't live on campus and I'm working there rather than going to classes any more. I would of been in a much better position to look for someone there a few years ago but I didn't really have the social skills at that time to know how to ask anyone out.

One more thing, can you send a second message to someone who hasn't replied? I've googled this question and some sources say that you can but need to wait a week before sending the second message while others say it's not always a good idea.

I'd probably say don't bother. There's not much you could say in a second message that would make the person want to respond. I.e. if they weren't interested, a second message isn't going to change their mind, and if they forgot to reply or something, a second message might deter them anyway as you may appear pushy, depending what you say.

What would you be thinking of saying in a follow-up message? I can't think of anything that would work but maybe someone has some ideas.


Pay attention to the first response you get from someone. If the first response has no questions, is quite short, and simply answers what you have asked or commented on without anything helpful for you to work with in your next reply, then she's probably not too interested. If she is asking you things and her message seems more "reply-friendly", then it may be that your next messages are giving the wrong signals. Do you have a particular way of constructing a reply message? If so, what (broadly) are you focussing on?

It may depend somewhat on what I said in the first message. Also, I thought that waiting a bit may alleviate the appearance of being pushy if they just forgot to reply. At least that's what the advice I found said when I googled the question. I wouldn't send any more messages if I still don't get a response to that one though.



The way I normally construct reply messages is to answer the question they asked me and then ask them another one, or if they haven't asked me a question, I'll try to continue the discussion of whatever I was having with them based on there answer to my question. For example, if the other person answers that she hasn't seen a particular movie I asked about, then I'll ask what other's she had seen etc. Also, yes I got quite a few replies that simply answers my first but gives little to reply to. Out of the few who have given reply-friendly answers, I'm worried that I may be asking or saying things that could be turning them off.

I'm sorry that I didn't reply to this yesterday yellowtamarin, but I was somewhat busy.

Talking about second messages, I just went on to OKCupid now because I got a notification that someone was checking me out after I haven't logged in for a week. In didn't see anyone new on my visitors list other than what I assume could be WP members that I may be attracting there from due to this thread. However, what I also noticed was that the girl who I sent my first message to, and never replied because she wasn't on-line for the last three months, was on-line on Friday. What if I sent her a new message? If I did, this is the kind of message I would send:

"Hello *******, I sent you a message a few months ago and I apologise for how it might of come off. This is the first time I've used a site like this and I wasn't that good at sending initial messages when I started.

Anyway, congratulations on your profile, it's quite impressive. You seem to have many of the same interests I do. In your details section, you say that you work in science and technology. I was wondering, what career do have?".

Do you think that's good enough?

Public Post AdviceForUserJono#1()



The success rate of your message is only 34.3% according to our algorithmic calculation.

To increase the success rate, you need to re-compile your message by applying the following:

-Elimination of all unnecessary apologetic terms
-Elimination of all non-confidence signs
-Elimination of excessive praise terms that may sound exaggerated (ie. congratulations, impressive)




End Post

What the Robot says. Don't apologise, and don't congratulate, both are inappropriate.

You might take a chance on a second message... I don't usually.

I really think a message like that isn't going to thrill anyone. How about asking something like (if it has to be science) "what excites you about science?" Or you know. Get something electrical going.

Yes to the above. That's why I said I couldn't think of an appropriate second message. Excuses, apologies, etc. etc. wouldn't work too well.

I got a message from someone a couple of days ago. I hadn't replied yet and now I have a new one from him asking what I did over the weekend. This was slightly annoying, but because it was just a simple one-liner with no frills and no reference to the fact that I haven't replied, I will still write back.

Fair enough, should I just ask about something in her profile then, without mentioning that I sent her a message a few months ago? Also, saying her profile was impressive wasn't an exaggeration, it's a lot better than most of the other profiles I've seen and I even gave her a high rating for it. I won't mention that I like her if I shouldn't though.

Off-Topic Note: It seems like Boo's not going to reply here any more because Quatermass who he was before and what his previous banned account was. I tried sending Alex a PM yesterday to ask if he could be unbanned but he hasn't replied, though he seems to of read it.

This girl is quite the geek. It's almost hard to decide what to ask her because her profile is probably over a thousand words long. Do think the following are better examples of messages to send her:

"Hello ********

I see you like sci-fi, including Star Trek. I was wondering, what's your favourite series?"

or

"Hello ********

I see you like talking about science. Did you see in the news, a week or so ago that they managed to trap neutral ant-hydrogen atoms at CERN from the LHC? What do think about that?"

Or something of that nature.

Another thing is that she seems to be looking for on-line friends, rather than a relationship, even though her status says she's single, according to her profile. However, I still think that would be nice for me because she has many of the same kinds of interests that I do. So what I'm asking is, do you think it's a good idea for me to try and be friends with her on-line and then maybe, carry on searching for someone else?