What is "creepy"?

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edgewaters
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02 Aug 2012, 12:44 pm

spongy wrote:

sweetcakes wrote:

Quote:

Honestly I think that just demonstrates you're scared, which is something predators look for. A lack of confidence, fear, etc.

Kind of a case of- women just can't win??

People cant win on this situations.

We are all approached in similar scenarios. Professional robbers(which can also be of both genders) approach you in a similar manner and you have to make sure that you are not giving them any signals indicating that you have anything of value and im sure that I could think of plenty of similar cases if I had the time to do so(Ive just had plenty of sh***y experiences with robbers because theres a huge gap between social classes in my city).

Yes I have been attacked and robbed too, although it was a very long time ago. Predators are not stupid, or rather, predation techniques are just not that complicated. The victim is always in a catch-22 and has the crappier and more complicated position. Too wary/avoidant and you draw the attention of predators, too reckless and you fall right into their traps, it's a fine balance and it's pretty hard for people on the spectrum because so much of it is psychological and has to do with non-verbal communication.

MXH
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02 Aug 2012, 12:48 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

JanuaryMan wrote:

I see avoiding all men because you think they will assault or rape you as no better than avoiding people of an ethnicity when alone because you think they will rob you.

We have stepped out of the realm of things being creepy, and gone to labelling set profiles of people and genders as creepy by association or simply through having personal issues with those groups of people. Of course people can't help it if they feel this way, but I do have to say it is very disappointing indeed.

I wouldn't say you avoid all men, but men who give you the heebie jeebies you shouldn't feel guilty for distancing yourself from. (you shouldn't feel guilty about distancing yourself from women who give you the heebie jeebies either).
Highlighting assault risk is really about trying to explain to guys why they might set of alarm bells even if they don't think they are being creepy.

You get to decide who has access to you and you don't have to justify that to anybody.

"She thinks I'm creepy and it's not fair because I don't think I'm creepy"

What kind of burden of proof do I have to meet before it's okay for me to not talk to a guy? seriously

but when its a case that all men creep you out then you have to take a step back and asses all men really are that terrible or wether its just you trying to validate some unnecesary thoughts. Thats not to say the guy that comes to grind on you randomly isnt creepy, but its not a way to validate hate.

mds_02
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02 Aug 2012, 2:28 pm

Is it really so difficult for a woman to say to herself "that guy's probably okay, but I'm gonna behave in a safety conscious fashion anyway?" I mean, why is it necessary to label men (the vast majority of whom have never, and would never, harm anyone) "creepy" in order to keep yourself from harm?

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hyperlexian
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02 Aug 2012, 3:00 pm

ok, so... for the sake of argument, what is a better one-word adjective to describe a male or female who has creeped someone out? some word may be necessary for descriptive purposes in order to warn a friend, so what word will work instead?

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mds_02
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02 Aug 2012, 3:08 pm

as a for instance;

sweetcakes wrote:

I go hiking regularly. Guess what, I give a hard look at every single guy who walks by me and if he says "hi" I DO NOT RESPOND. I am purposely letting every male know- I am NOT YOUR EASIEST TARGET...just in case. To do otherwise IMO is not smart. Sorry guys, but deal with it....I KNOW that if something bad happened to me on the trail- ppl would say "what were you doing out there alone..you shouldnt have done that..." etc etc

I don't think you're making yourself any safer by acting this way than you would if you just gave a friendly "hello" in response while you keep walking. I mean, do you really think you're going to fend off a rapist by giving him a "hard look?"

JanuaryMan
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02 Aug 2012, 3:12 pm

How about creeper lol

Venger
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02 Aug 2012, 3:26 pm

mds_02 wrote:

as a for instance;

sweetcakes wrote:

She probably ignores them cause she's too busy making a mental picture in her head of the crime being committed. It's obviously first and foremost on her mind.

WalkingTheDog
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02 Aug 2012, 3:32 pm

mds_02 wrote:

as a for instance;

sweetcakes wrote:

Agreed.

How many people have been raped on the trail you use for hiking? I go hiking quite frequently in a local state park, and I know the statistics for my area: the answer is zero. 99.9999999999999999% of the people you pass have absolutely no interest in raping you. They say hi to be friendly or because it's a social norm they're trying to adhere to. They are not saying hi because they want to attack you.

mds_02
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02 Aug 2012, 3:45 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

I do not have an issue with labelling people as creepy who've actually done something to earn it. But, far too often, it is applied to the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

Better to say that a situation made you uncomfortable. Or that you feel a need to behave cautiously around unknown people. Wording it this way does not imply that the other person is to blame for your discomfort. I mean, I've heard guys called creepy for actions as innocuous as saying "hello" to a woman as they pass on the street. Or for offering to buy a woman at a bar a drink. Or for tons of other completely harmless actions.

Last edited by mds_02 on 02 Aug 2012, 4:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

JanuaryMan
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02 Aug 2012, 3:54 pm

I think there is some confusion between the individuals being creepy, and the situation they find themselves in making it creepy for them to approach somebody or stay in the same proximity for so long.

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02 Aug 2012, 4:04 pm

WalkingTheDog wrote:

How many people have been raped on the trail you use for hiking? I go hiking quite frequently in a local state park, and I know the statistics for my area: the answer is zero. 99.9999999999999999% of the people you pass have absolutely no interest in raping you. They say hi to be friendly or because it's a social norm they're trying to adhere to. They are not saying hi because they want to attack you.

And assuming "they're going to attack me!!" is an indicator of extremely damaged mental health... therapy would help.

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02 Aug 2012, 4:41 pm

mds_02 wrote:

Because "creepy" doesn't mean "I know for sure this person is a rapist/murderer/steals strangers pantyhose to jerk off in them"
it means "this person makes me uncomfortable" and usually "this person crossed a boundary of mine"

No one has a right to my body, my attention, or my good opinion that I am violating by not providing

Assault is only relevant because Women who aren't vigilant in this way are blamed for their assault if it does happen. It's about minimizing risk but it's also about minimizing culpability.

This whole thing just seems like policing women's rejection. Our "no"s aren't acceptable unless we use the right vocabulary.
I don't need to make a case beyond a reasonable doubt to the council of man feelings before I decide to frown at the guy on the street telling me how pretty I'd be if I smiled (dance monkey dance) or before I think he's a creep.

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MXH
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02 Aug 2012, 4:42 pm

damn, so much randomness ill have to multiquote

sweetcakes wrote:

Hyperlexian, you are wasting your time with Klas and esp MXH...they obviously think women should treat them with full trust pretty much no matter what the context so as to not "discriminate," against all men (IE hurt their tender feelings), yet these are prob the same guys who will find every possible reason to blame women when they get raped- WHAT WAS SHE DOING TALKING TO THAT GUY ALONE IN THAT PLACE!? With many guys, women really just can't win. We're either cold b*****s or stupid and a bit slu*ty (asking for it). It's ALL ABOUT THEM. They consistently refuse to hear from women that we are subject to violence , sexual, verbal and otherwise on a pretty consistent basis. After I was almost raped, EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I TOLD ABOUT IT TOLD ME SHE HAD BEEN RAPED OR MOLESTED TOO. Every woman at my work, and every friend. There was ONE EXCEPTION- her SISTER had just been raped from someone they thought was a family friend just recently. DO THE MATH PEOPLE!! ! I do not believe that the statistics are 1/4 here in America. I think its closer to 5/6 for rape and molestation.

And with many women like yourself guys dont even get to attempt to win. For example, taking on a hate of men for the actions of a few. Should i hate women for all the stuff they have done to men? Im sure youd give me a lickin about that. I live with a woman that has been raped, but unlike the lot of you she didnt take it to blatantly hate men. She took it to hate rapists. See the difference? And the reason the statistic is 1/4 is because as someone else said there are places where this doesnt happen. If rape is 5/6 as you claim(BS) then you live in a bad town, its up to you to either learn to live there or get out.

Quote:

DO YOU GT IT MXH and KLAS??! !! This is a freaking epidemic out there and you guys have hurt feelings!! !??? REALLY?

Yes, because as again someone else pointed to you I can also claim you're making too big a fuss about your teensy paranoic fear. Also as spongy said, kjas is a woman :wink:

Quote:

Giving someone a hard look wont do anything but make you look like a total b***h. If anything you're attracting the type of person that likes to commit the most terrible of rapes with that attitude. And because the likelyhood of meeting one of those is so low all you're doing is making yourself seem like a stuck up b***h. Say hi and move on. Nobody is going to not assault you because you ignore them. Now you're just proving you're full of crazy talk

Quote:

Even the first detective on my case (dude climbed into my second story window, tried to rape me, I fought him off) told me that since it all turned out relatively OK (I wasn't raped or murdered) that my case wasn't THAT serious...thank god the female officer got the better, elite team of detectives (also women. by the way) on the case, and MADE SURE to put the bast#ard away for the rest of his life....they all told me I should have expected to be murdered.

I wish I could say that my case was the exception, but I found out, much to my surprise, that ITS NOT!

Funny, because when my friend was raped the woman cop insisted she must be an escort simply because she was better looking and had fancy clothes. Good to see how its turning into a women are better/more caring debate.

Last edited by MXH on 02 Aug 2012, 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MXH
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02 Aug 2012, 4:49 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

But when you label everyone creepy untilproven otherwise all you're doing is discriminating

No they dont, but they do have the right not to be discriminated against by irrational fear. Again, this is something often made fun of when a white couple crosses the street to not walk next to a single black guy. you're doing the same exact thing.

The women arent being blamed, they are told that ts a good idea to have a sort of protective sense to themselves. That doing irresponsable things can lead to bad things. At the end of the day its the rapist himself who did the crime.

Not at all. Now you're just playing the victim card again. A guy saying youd look pretty if you smiled is trying to make your day, not to rape you. Take the stick out of your ass and learn to enjoy things. Try to see the world not as a victim and more as a person. In fact, i dont even care if you cant stop playing victim, but atleast start blaming people that have actually done something to you worth being blamed and not people trying to be nice. Again, you're come off as a stuck up b***h more than he is coming off as creepy.

Last edited by MXH on 02 Aug 2012, 4:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MXH
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02 Aug 2012, 4:51 pm

BlueMax wrote:

And assuming "they're going to attack me!!" is an indicator of extremely damaged mental health... therapy would help.

exactly. good to see atleast theres people here with their head on the proper part of their bodies

DogsWithoutHorses
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02 Aug 2012, 4:53 pm

MXH wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

If you want to have a conversation, a conversation can happen. If you want to namecall, you can do that. You can't have both.

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