"Friends with benefits" is nonsense.

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Before I have anything to do with flying spaghetti, Woofwoof, how can you personally vouch for the effects of such a prayer? How has it turned your life around?

(Do I really want to know...? )

Now I am projecting. lol. Really? This is what I want. Do not see a problem being open about what I want. Besides no one tells me what i should be doing. If you are doing fwb there is something wrong with you in my mind. Like you were not raised right or something. Most people do not know what friendship is if they could stab you in the back they would if they got some gain out of it. Just shows the sick world we live in. Fwb is trendy BS anyways.

But you are still using them regardless of whether or not they like it.

I just cannot accept having sex with a friend. I guess I am just more traditional as far as sex goes. There is nothing wrong with that. I am just more conservative when it comes to sexual relations. I associate sex with love. It is how i was raised. Having sex with a friend to me does not seem respectful. I cannot see my friends as lovers because I seperate lovers from friends. This is actually extremely common in society.

The fact is no one here is really wrong because everyone has their own beliefs and opinions. It is being an individual. What works for one person does not work for another person.

haha....

I haven't personally taken the prayer out for a spin yet, but I can definitely vouch for the validity of following the Great Noodlemeister in the Sky ; and can also verify the general bogusness of the various "Gods" which have been invented by humankind throughout history.
Discussing why here would just derail the thread, though... because it's such an in-depth subject.

You're really caught up on the "sex" part. As I said before, not all FWBs = Sex. Some people just tickle each others tonsils.





Aww. I'm sorry that happened to you. As far as I could tell with my experiences it was always the women that were in control of the situation and that was how I wanted it to be.

They started the moves, they continued it (or in two cases actually they started talking about it after the fact and then we discussed the rules), then when they wanted it to end, it did. Only once did I end it.

I remained friends with all of them. Some just didn't want to do it anymore for whatever reason and some got boyfriends. No hard feelings for either of us, no awkwardness. It really was no big deal.
Yeah I had crushes on every single one of them, but they were my friends first. I could never see myself actually in a relationship with any of them (except for one who was my girlfriend first and then when I broke up with her, she came to me with the FWB proposal, I said no because I didn't want her to get any more emotionally attached but she persisted for days and yeah, I gave in).

eh the whole friends with benefits thing has always bothered me. I believe you shouldn't have sex unless you're in a relationship with someone and you really like or love them. And that first time with someone you really care about is supposed to be a physical and emotional bonding experience, it's not only about the pleasure. And if you have sex so casually with people you don't really care for, it becomes less special when you have it with someone you really do care about.

You could not of said this any better or more succinctly. Straight to the point. And I agree with most of it. I mean for me it does not have to be totally special. You could wait forever for that to happen. If I am in a relationship with someone who I am starting to care about and it got to sex I would probably do it. It does not have to be the "right" person per se. I just need to be in a relationship with them and have some feelings for them. I found that feelings do change though. The last girl I was with I lost some of the love I thought I had but I still wish we could of worked things out but there is no turning back now. I lost her for good. It is always about love lost isn't it? I guess that is the pain they talk about.

Yes I suppose you are right. I really never though of FWBs as anything but about sex. Good to know.

Thanks for the compliment! And yeah I don't really think I've ever been in love. My last girlfriend I really did like at first, but those feelings faded with time. It sucks when that happens. : /

Love seems to elude me and I feel like it will never happen. Like love does not exist. I know this is not true. It just seems this way. I want to say I was in love which tells me I probably wasn't because you just know when you are. Or maybe I am just over analyzing my feelings. Maybe all you need is an inkling of a notion of love. If you truly respected the other person and wanted what was best for them even if at some point you did not you could still have been in love.

I did have some respect for this last girl and I let her go and I am hoping in my heart that she finds the right one for her. That tells me that I most likely was in love with her in some way. My actions were confusing looking back because I hurt her emotionally. I feel horrible about it and wish she never felt that way because it hurts me. Love is not selfish and it involves consideration of the other person and not just your feelings alone. It takes two to love. Plus it seems I always seem to hurt the ones I love the most. It sucks and I wish this did not happen.

Should, would.... all of them are nice words. But what if your body does not care for all the shoulds and woulds, and simply would like to have sex, and there simply is absolutely noone around, that you would like to want an relationship with, that causes your interests, or that you really like and love in a meaning of more then just friends?

Should you start a relationship with someone, that you are not in love with him, trick and fool her/him, about being in love with her/him, only so that society "allows" you to have sex?

There are tons of people, that mismatch their desire for sex with an desire for an relationship, and that dont bother for them to decide if they are truly in love with someone, or if they "only" like that other person, because of them giving the opportunity to have sex with. That typical "I actually dont know someone, but I simply would like to be in an relationship." people, adressing and trying to flirt with people, they dont even know yet, telling themselves that they were "Oh so in love with their opposites." that they dont even know, and so cant even be in love.

Having sex with a friend you like and that agrees with you about not being into an emotional connection, hurts noone. The tons of people, confusing their physical desire with an emotional need for an relationship hurt tons of people. Maybe they dont mismatch that on purpose, and they act in this cruel way on purpose. But for me it was always easy to tell the difference, if I was only insterested in meeting someone out of pure sexual interest, or if I am truly interested in meeting someones character and personality, in the meaning of being truly in love with that person.

Flirting with someone, only because of being horny, as tons of other people do, is in my opinion something that can be blamed about more often, because of those people tricking their opposites with or without purpose, and that can lead to them being hurted.

In my oppinion, hurting other people is a sin. If you trick someone into a FWB, when you know that this person is in love with you, and hopes to get closer by you by agreeing into FWB, that sucks, because then someone is hurted. But if you have an truly working FWB relationship, so simply a friend, that agrees with you in "physically rocking off" a bit, without deeper emotional desire, noone affected is hurt by that, so there is nothing bad about.

That maybe the feelings of some nosy, chatty neighbors might get hurted...its upon themselves, if they want to get themselves involved or not. If they want to anger themselves, what others do, and noones hurt, its their fault. ^^

I'll use my hand or something. Done it for years and it works. No risks, no mess (well...), no fuss. nobody gets hurt. It is the safest sex around! Sex without love is the same thing as that. Why waste your time on people when you got what you need right in front of you. I am totally serious.

The bottom line is people don't even know they are hurting anyone in FWB. but that is just people lying to themselves and rationalizing. It seems 9 times out ten what you hear is the woman ends up regretting it. Do you want to be someone's regret I sure as hell don't.

Most people really like their friends, including FWB. Secondly, I don't see why casual sex makes it less special for when you have really emotional sex with someone else. I can see that if you've never had a sexual encounter before and you're saving yourself for marriage because you expect that marriage to last a lifetime. But as soon as you've had a strong connection, had a break up, and then go on to have another relationship, you're already not a virgin.



This is just me, but I have very little sexual desire to be with someone just because it's purely physical. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of sexual fantasies that don't revolve one whit around romance, but they generally don't involve me being in them so much as watching them. Because of this, I've sometimes worried my feelings for someone are pure lust, and has made me second guess myself. Simply because I have so little experience purely lusting after someone. I lust, but usually not after people outside of feeling romantic about it.

My marriage ostensibly started out as FWB. We got into a relationship not long afterwards. Of course right now my marriage is all messed up, so take from that what you will. But I also question the idea of defining love as being interested in knowing a person you also want to have sex with. I really want to know who my friends are, and it's happened that some of them are attractive. But I also don't necessarily feel like I'm in love with those people.

(Way to contradict myself, I know)

Thats ok. Nobody is hurted by you doing so, so no need to blame your for that. But why are you blaming in the opposite people for doing things, that are as well not hurting anyone?



If its done out of wrong purposes, then its damaging, but then its not about FWB. Just like tons of relationship, purposed on the wrong causes, are damaging people, but that doesnt make relationships itself bad. It makes bad purposes bad.

Until now I heard no woman regretting a FWB with me, but because of their number being zero, thats nothing bad at all. The affected boys, I have been with, did not complain about us being FWB, in opposite to the boys I had relationship withs.

As described already in another topic, maybe it was because of that "Aspergers being emotionally a bit after their age peer". I liked boys. I had tons of common hobbies, that I shared with boys and everything. I simply did not feel the need for an relationship with them. (And before you might ask, no as well not with girls.) I didnt mind spending some time playing video games or whatever, but I definitly did not have any feeling of speding tons of time with my "partner, nor was I interested in meeting their friends or parents or whatever. This tons of expectations simply were drowning me, because "as a girlfriend you are supposed to think and feel and do and this and that about your boyfriend" or else something is wrong with you.

I simply accepted after some tries, that there was something wrong with me, and that I actually did not have an emotional desire of spending my life with an partner. It sucked to me, as it would suck to a 12 year old. ^^

Neither was anyone damaged, nor did it affect my life in a bad way. Around that time, it was out of my needs and desires, the right thing to do, just as some years afterwards, it was the right thing to do, to go for an stable relationship, simply because THEN I had the need for it, before I didnt.

So everyone involved is happy, noone was hurted. Why should I even have the idea of thinking bad of it?

You are always talking about the bad experiences of people having no "Friends with benefits", because if you are misadvantaged you hardly can have a benefit, Thats as if I would point on the tons of people, marrying out of wrong causes, because of their partners money, because they want a sexpartner, ...and use that as proof that relationships, in the way it was truly meant, are bad for people. Bad relationships are bad for people because of them not being truly relationships, so not about two people adoring each other. And bad FWBs are bad for people, because of them not being truly about two people benefitting themselves.

Neither of both has an impact, about good relationships and good FWB, done out of the right causes, benefit people and are nothing bad.

No. If I'm using someone for sex if they've told me they don't like it, the term for that is "rape", not "FWB". I do make every effort not to rape my friends.

It is only rape if someone does not consent to it. Using someone for sex has nothing to do with rape.

It seems my point falls on deaf ears.

If you are benefiting from it you are technically using someone and the other person is using you most likely. I mean friends are friends. They are not supposed to be sexual partners. At least that is my view.

The fact is people can argue this all day long but no one changes. You believe whatever you want to believe. If it doesn't hurt you than no problem I guess.