Would you dump someone who got fat?

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hyperlexian
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12 May 2012, 8:55 pm

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

they are just people in old form.

Sure, but they are people who are now old on top of likely being not aesthetically pleasing in the first place. Next you are going to say that people who have 3rd degree burns over 90% of their bodies can still be attractive..

I'd say I'd believe it when I see it, but honestly I don't want to see it.

why couldn't someone with burns be attractive?

and why would you assume that an old person was not aesthetically pleasing to begin with?

Well It doesn't matter if they were or not, that point was simply a re-iteration of other statements I've made.

If you find people with disfigurements attractive, as I said, more power to you. I don't. I'd prefer they didn't mar my vision.. any more than poured concrete architecture or palm trees.

once again, what an awful comment.

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hyperlexian
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12 May 2012, 8:57 pm

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

KenM wrote:

If anyone dumped me because of my weight, its pretty clear that they are shallow and all about looks. I would not want that person in my life anyway. Like/ love someone for who they are.

Back in college, I met a few girls that were overweight that I liked, but they said they would never go out with my because of my weight. They wanted someone thin. Hypocrates.

But what if you like/love someone for who they are, and then they change?

everyone changes. have you seen an 80 year old man naked? even if he is as fit as a fiddle, he sure as heck doesn't look like he is 20.

Yeah, but I think it's a safe assumption that this thread was not about the gradual changes wrought by aging but more likely about dramatic changes happening over a a relatively short period of time.

no, we are talking about both.

No, you're talking about both.

Some people said that they'd leave if a partner just completely let themselves go. A few people took offence and started talking about how the body changes when people age. This is not the same as someone letting themselves go.

people on the thread have been talking about both. i haven't mentioned either in particular. you didn't specify which you were talking about. it's nitpicky anyways, like would 5lb per decade be ok but not 10?

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rabbittss
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12 May 2012, 8:59 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

they are just people in old form.

why couldn't someone with burns be attractive?

and why would you assume that an old person was not aesthetically pleasing to begin with?

once again, what an awful comment.

I've toned it down, since, I'm in public. I don't think it would be an understatement to say that me and you would not get along well in person to be honest.

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12 May 2012, 9:02 pm

sluice wrote:

Should you feel obligated to still stick with someone if that person dramatically changes from the person you first met?

No, the only thing that changes in a relationship is when you leave, whether that be til death do you part or you go separate ways before hand.

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mds_02
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12 May 2012, 9:07 pm

rabbittss wrote:

I'd prefer they didn't mar my vision.. any more than poured concrete architecture or palm trees.

Wow. I kinda part way agreed with the points you were making. But this goes way beyond a person's right to choose for themselves what they like. I mean, seriously, that's a really cruel thing to say.

And what's wrong with palm trees?

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mds_02
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12 May 2012, 9:11 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

KenM wrote:

But what if you like/love someone for who they are, and then they change?

everyone changes. have you seen an 80 year old man naked? even if he is as fit as a fiddle, he sure as heck doesn't look like he is 20.

Yeah, but I think it's a safe assumption that this thread was not about the gradual changes wrought by aging but more likely about dramatic changes happening over a a relatively short period of time.

no, we are talking about both.

People brought up aging and gradual changes in response to people who were not talking at all about aging. 5-10 pounds in a decade is hardly letting yourself go. I've seen people pack on 50-70 pounds in a single year, when I talk about someone letting themselves go, that's what I'm referring to.

rabbittss
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12 May 2012, 9:14 pm

mds_02 wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

I'd prefer they didn't mar my vision.. any more than poured concrete architecture or palm trees.

I didn't say they should die or anything, just that I didn't want to look at them. I hope they can live happy and fulfilled lives. It simply won't be with me.

As far as Palm Trees go, I pretty much dislike anything that grows below the 42nd parallel.

hyperlexian
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12 May 2012, 9:16 pm

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

KenM wrote:

But what if you like/love someone for who they are, and then they change?

everyone changes. have you seen an 80 year old man naked? even if he is as fit as a fiddle, he sure as heck doesn't look like he is 20.

Yeah, but I think it's a safe assumption that this thread was not about the gradual changes wrought by aging but more likely about dramatic changes happening over a a relatively short period of time.

no, we are talking about both.

it saddens me that people would want to leave someone if they gained weight, especially if it was due to emotional issues. isn't that the very time when people should be sticking by a partner?

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Ancalagon
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12 May 2012, 9:17 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:

She is worried she is FAT because she can pinch some tummy in her fingers.

*Everyone* can do that.

Quote:

There is much societal pressure to be thin, that even the thin girls end up with an "I'm fat" body image problem.

Yeah, it's really stupid. There is such a thing as "fat", but people tend to use it for things that should not count as "fat".

Quote:

And in my opinion, every. single. guy. who says he wouldn't date a "fat" girl, or would dump a girl who gains a few pounds, is part of the problem, and is not part of the solution.

This is going too far. Society's definition of "fat" is silly, but there are saner definitions. There are some people who are actually attracted to fat girls, but certainly not everyone is. Why should people be forced to date people they aren't attracted to?

I really couldn't date a fat girl. I could easily date a curvy girl.

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mds_02
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12 May 2012, 9:18 pm

rabbittss wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

I'd prefer they didn't mar my vision.. any more than poured concrete architecture or palm trees.

The way you worded it though, made it sound like "how dare these ugly bastards inflict themselves on me."

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12 May 2012, 9:19 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

it saddens me that people would want to leave someone if they gained weight, especially if it was due to emotional issues. isn't that the very time when people should be sticking by a partner?

okay so because one partner is having emotional problems, both partners should have emotional problems? I agree that a certain amount of solidarity is expected, but at the same time, you have no obligation to stay in a relationship you are unhappy in.

hyperlexian
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12 May 2012, 9:21 pm

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

it saddens me that people would want to leave someone if they gained weight, especially if it was due to emotional issues. isn't that the very time when people should be sticking by a partner?

if you have AS, then YOU already have problems you are bringing into the relationship. why should anyone date you ever, much less stay in a relationship with you?

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hyperlexian
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12 May 2012, 9:23 pm

Ancalagon wrote:

Why should people be forced to date people they aren't attracted to?

at no point has anyone suggested that it should happen, yet it has been brought up by several people in this thread.

what i do think is that the many, many people who complain about not getting a date should be made aware that their preferences are excluding a large pool of women.

really, what i notice is that people are picky on the board (and occasionally in real life), as they go after a certain type or bodyweight. i'd rather someone was going after me (or anyone) because they connect with that person on a deeper level. basically, having aspects about the preferred sex that are attractive but not dealbreakers is quite different from excluding all people who don't match some criteria.

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rabbittss
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12 May 2012, 9:24 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

it saddens me that people would want to leave someone if they gained weight, especially if it was due to emotional issues. isn't that the very time when people should be sticking by a partner?

if you have AS, then YOU already have problems you are bringing into the relationship. why should anyone date you ever, much less stay in a relationship with you?

Well they don't and haven't. That pretty much answers your question doesn't it?

If they are willing to deal with that, or don't care, then I'm not going to tell them otherwise, it's their choice. The thing is, they all know they can get some one better than me, and do so. I'm simply saying what I am and am not willing to tolerate.

hyperlexian
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12 May 2012, 9:25 pm

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

it saddens me that people would want to leave someone if they gained weight, especially if it was due to emotional issues. isn't that the very time when people should be sticking by a partner?

if you have AS, then YOU already have problems you are bringing into the relationship. why should anyone date you ever, much less stay in a relationship with you?

you should not expect more of them than they expect of you. you are going into a relationship with a disorder, so if you would break up with someone for having emotional issues it's a double-standard

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mds_02
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12 May 2012, 9:26 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

KenM wrote:

But what if you like/love someone for who they are, and then they change?

everyone changes. have you seen an 80 year old man naked? even if he is as fit as a fiddle, he sure as heck doesn't look like he is 20.

Yeah, but I think it's a safe assumption that this thread was not about the gradual changes wrought by aging but more likely about dramatic changes happening over a a relatively short period of time.

no, we are talking about both.

it saddens me that people would want to leave someone if they gained weight, especially if it was due to emotional issues. isn't that the very time when people should be sticking by a partner?

Do you think a relationship without physical attraction is healthy? Would you rather be single, or have a partner that isn't attracted to you? I'd pick single. There's only so much a person can do when their partner enters a self-destructive cycle like this. I mean, I'll try to help my partner, sure. But if they refuse that help, I'm out.

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