Virginity

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there is some good discussion going on, and it is all staying within the rules.

You have a partial point there. I don't think it's completely irrelevant, because it is possible to go against some aspects of a social circle but... it definitely is not easy. I mean, you can always get other friends, or let them know you are comfortable by being a virgin and don't intend to change that because of what they say, or evade the topic... I'd even find lying acceptable in that kind of circumstances. Social stigma is not to be taken lightly though, I get that part. But it can be fought to some extent.

18? It's worse than I thought.

Turning 30 next month, and still a virgin.

I was thinking about larger social circles like geographic areas. Something that is unacceptable in my area can be acceptable in others. However, if I'm not going to get involved in those circles (whether you are allowed to join in or not), it doesn't matter. An example of this is that geographic party map OKCupid sends out after completing several questions. According to the map, my state isn't a very good match for me. However, I don't intend on moving to any of the states that are a better match. Therefore it is effectively irrelevant.

Fighting social stigma takes time and it might not change within your life time or a time frame where it remains relevant to you. If you fight it, you still have the stigma (and basically acknowledge having it) and you need to deal with the repercussions.

I find this naive in that it opens up another can of worms in that, you haven't had a meaningful relationship yet (at your age)? What have you been doing with your life? That opens it up for the stereotypes that you have something majorly wrong with you since you woman wanted to have a meaningful relationship with you ever.

Just make sure you are not sober your first time, I can thank alcohol for all of my experience with women (I understand this sounds bad, but be honest with yourself some things only happen when your desensitized enough). Don't get a hooker, next time you get a chance with a slut, just do it. It totally depends on who its with but if you end up banging out a slu*ty girl, its going to be extremely shocking and difficult. You probably wont get off, you'l be too nervous. Its gonna be weird, but once you get it out of the way it wont be so bad later on (it will still be bad though). I cant enjoy sex personally because its just too intimate and i cant handle the overload. The sauce numbs me up enough to get the job done, don't think about it as something your doing for yourself, make it about the girl and it wont be as hard.

I tried to find a meaningful relationship, don't get your hopes up. They all just want sex, then there gone. You will only get your heart broken if you think its going to mean anything more then just sex. Women these days are viscous.

BTW its not a big deal to lose your virginity, your not gonna feel any different afterwards. Consider it training for a real relationship where good sex may be important to your partner.

Just remember this video should able to help you to think what to explain your future partners. Not just for sex though.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1I6eU8u6GHM[/youtube]

If you guys who are saying no one wants to have sex, try finding the relationship first. To all you guys who say "no one could want a relationship with me" if you haven't tried a dating site, yes this is not something you put in the profile. However, this would be something you mention to them when you first start talking. I show all the major problems of a person with AS, yet i have found in the past 5 years, 2 amazing women to share in that experience. Im still with one of them. They just have to be willing to deal with the way you are. But YOU have to be willing to change too in limited way.

I wouldn't tell them of any problems you have until AFTER your first meet up/date. They can get to see you and judge your character first before hearing your diagnosis of AS, and think, "but I think you're fine, I'd still like to have another date with you".
And yeah, don't tell them you're a virgin until you're well into dating and are planning to have sex.

i hate still being a virgin at my age

At this point, I have 15 years until I am Andy Stitzer (bonus points if you get what I mean)....

Is it really that bad that you need to hire a prostitute? Losing your virginity should be your own decision, you shouldn't have to do it if anyone is pressuring you, if you're not ready yet, don't feel bad about it.

How old are you? If you don't mind?

I'm 30, and still one. Even amongst Aspies, who often have relationship problems anyway, I feel like a total failure. On this site even, I've never heard of another one at my age.

I'm almost 30 and have gone from 0 to almost daily so don't give up hope! To be honest though the first time wasn't really that special and it's not like it fundamentally changed who I was, only now I can say I was no longer a virgin. My GF again last night said that I must be lying about being a virgin because I'm by far the best partner she's ever had. We Aspies can be very quick learners!

Yes Im a virgin.

Yes Ive had friends that go together to prostitutes when they reached 18 but the idea just seemed creepy("hey lets get drunk together and go to a whorehouse!! Umm how about no")

Yes Ive had a couple of opportunities with females that I havent pursued because I barely knew them(I need to know someone before I have sex with this person)

No Im not ashamed of either of those things. I have found someone that I like and who understands all this and we are talking about a meeting and seeing how the chemistry is... and thats what matters in the end

I am glad to hear escape is possible. Wanting a relationship and not being able to get one, is very tough, for an aspie. I still have some limited hope left. Not much, but some.