What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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LKL
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05 Nov 2012, 11:11 pm

billiscool wrote:

LKL wrote:

It is factually incorrect that women will not date shy men, if they know that those men are attracted to them and if the specific man has no other issues.

As for men 'not being selective,' guys, that's what the term means. it means that you don't care about the differences from one woman to another, as long as she's female.

rich shy guys don't count.
Yes, men really don't care if a woman is shy, nervous, has social anxiety, has asperger, has autism. Men can date all types of woman.
The only women I've know of that had hard time dating are woman with ocd but that because they were always washing their hands.
A man will notice a shy,nervous aspie women and go up and talk to her and ignore all of her flaws and go out with her.
A woman will notice a shy, quiet man and will right away thinks he has no confidence and can't defend himself and will not even
give the man a chance, because she doesn't want to put in any effort to form a relationship.
If women are so pissed by getting hit on by jerks and creeps and getting cheated on by players, then why don't do something about it and instead of just waiting around for some perfect man to show up, why don't women just go up to a man (in safe setting of course) and ask him out or least talk to him. do it in like class, gym. in safe area not to some random man in the mall.

Dan_Vincze
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05 Nov 2012, 11:20 pm

billiscool wrote:

I have to say, this doesn't match my experience much at all.
Do you have any substantiation for this claim?

billiscool
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05 Nov 2012, 11:49 pm

.[/quote]who said anything about a guy needing to be rich? If a woman knows that a guy is attracted to her, him being poor or rich has much less of an impact than most guys like to think. There certainly are self-serving men and women out there who look for a partner solely based on looks and money, but I don't think that that actually applies to most guys or most women (despite what it seems like here from a lot of very shallow guys who seem to spend all of their time whining that supermodels won't come up to them and ask them out). From what I've heard over and over, being rich or hot gets you a first date but not a second one; for that, you have to not be an overt as*hole.[/quote]
well, a rich shy guy has better chances of getting a date than a poor shy guy. and yeah there are ton of shallow men out there who thinks they deserve hot models, sure. but are there are alot of women too who also whine about not getting asked out by hot guys.
yes, shallows on both genders.

LKL
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05 Nov 2012, 11:58 pm

billiscool wrote:

who said anything about a guy needing to be rich? If a woman knows that a guy is attracted to her, him being poor or rich has much less of an impact than most guys like to think. There certainly are self-serving men and women out there who look for a partner solely based on looks and money, but I don't think that that actually applies to most guys or most women (despite what it seems like here from a lot of very shallow guys who seem to spend all of their time whining that supermodels won't come up to them and ask them out). From what I've heard over and over, being rich or hot gets you a first date but not a second one; for that, you have to not be an overt as*hole.[/quote]
well, a rich shy guy has better chances of getting a date than a poor shy guy. and yeah there are ton of shallow men out there who thinks they deserve hot models, sure. but are there are alot of women too who also whine about not getting asked out by hot guys.
yes, shallows on both genders.[/quote]
If a man chooses to date a beautiful, wealthy, cheerful, outgoing woman, given a choice between that woman and women with some but not all of those characteristics, is he less shallow than a woman who chooses to date a handsome, wealthy, cheerful, outgoing man, given a choice between that man and men with some but not all of those characteristics?

billiscool
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06 Nov 2012, 12:21 am

If a man chooses to date a beautiful, wealthy, cheerful, outgoing woman, given a choice between that woman and women with some but not all of those characteristics, is he less shallow than a woman who chooses to date a handsome, wealthy, cheerful, outgoing man, given a choice between that man and men with some but not all of those characteristics?
well, I would say um....well......uh..... They are equal shallow. So I guess you are trying to point out a double standard on ''how come a man can date rich, beautiful women and not look shallow but when women do the same they are call shallow''.
well, sometimes what happen is if a guy dates a hot,attractive women there is good chances that he is also good looking too.
The thing is that there is alot of poor,unattractive women who only want to date rich,hansom men.
That what I read is pretty common on online dating.

billiscool
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06 Nov 2012, 12:43 am

Ok I think I get what some women are saying here. They don't like the idea that just because they don't date a certain man that they (women) get called shallow. and women are saying they should have the rights not to date these men without the insults because men too also reject certain women and not get insulted.

yellowtamarin
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06 Nov 2012, 12:54 am

Shatbat wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

But do guys even do the approaching? I can't remember the last time a guy approached me (IRL). If you guys are all doing all the approaching, and will date 100% of women, and we just have to sit and accept or reject, etc. etc. etc. then, errr... do I look like a man or something? :roll:

From my experience, yes, we do most of the time. To speak about it in broader terms, guys are generally expected to take the lead and be the ones who make things move ahead. Women's role is not completely passive as some people make it sound though, they usually drop hints that let it show that they want you to move things ahead, they can't be too obvious about it because it's still socially unacceptable for a girl to chase a guy, but the hints are there, stuff like extended eye contact and open body language, answering to touch and being willing to take your lead. We aspie men have a hard time picking up those signals, which puts us at a disadvantage. But if a woman likes you enough she'll keep dropping increasingly obvious hints, until eventually we catch one of them :lol:

. Some women won't be that patient though, so to have a certain grade of success we aspie guys must either become proficient at reading those signals, which can easily take years (probably shorter if you focus on it, but there is other stuff to do out there apart from hitting on women :lol:

) or walk around blindly, without really knowing when is it appropriate to make a move or not (Not too long ago I had that problem; let's talk about kissing. Usually the guy is the one that takes the lead, and some women may get frustrated when they wanted to kiss the guy but he didn't do anything and didn't take their leads. Now I've got a better read on such things, and are more willing to take risks, but it would still be easier if women took the initiative more often. Sometimes they do, for good results)

Although you know, from what I've heard, the other side of the coin isn't that great either. At least I get the choice of chasing an specific woman or not, while when a girl goes after a guy, she goes against societal norms, she takes the risk of being seen as desperate or slu*ty, so they can't really do anything about it. Doing away with those cultural biases would be for the best, although I can't see that happening anytime soon.

Yeah, I always try to help the guy along with "signals". I don't feel it's solely my role, though, I assume both parties are doing that at the same time. With my ex, he told me I gave him no signals so he had no idea how I felt. I thought I was, and didn't make a bold move for a while because he seemed the more confident out of the two of us so I therefore though he mustn't be interested. But then I got sick of the waiting and wondering and just kissed him.

Turns out he has a lot of aspie traits too, so he probably just wasn't able to pick up on my too-subtle hints.

Keyman
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06 Nov 2012, 12:56 am

There's another reason.. When girls do approach they risk getting a bad reputation.

steviewonderau
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06 Nov 2012, 1:11 am

The only women that approach guys are sex workers/hookers in bars and night clubs. Society expects guys to do the approaching, risk humiliation/rejection/labelled a stalker and the guy is expected to pay for the date. Lose-lose situation.

yellowtamarin
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06 Nov 2012, 1:16 am

Keyman wrote:

There's another reason.. When girls do approach they risk getting a bad reputation.

A reputation as what?...

steviewonderau wrote:

The only women that approach guys are sex workers/hookers

...oh, I see.

LKL
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06 Nov 2012, 2:10 am

billiscool wrote:

I would say that neither one is shallow. They both have high standards, and they fall in love with the people whom they admire and respect the most.

Quote:

The thing is that there is alot of poor,unattractive women who only want to date rich,hansom men.
That what I read is pretty common on online dating.

and there are a lot of poor, unattractive men who only want to date rich supermodels. Which is also pretty effing common not only in online fora but in movies and on tv.

LKL
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06 Nov 2012, 2:11 am

billiscool wrote:

Yes.

steviewonderau
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06 Nov 2012, 2:42 am

When guys spend lots of time hiding away on those pathetic online dating sites they have more or less given up. The chances of meeting anyone from a dating site in person and it working out are very low.

ColdEyesWarmHeart
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06 Nov 2012, 8:29 am

It's crazy that women are told all of our lives that men love the chase, that asking him out will frighten him off, that making a move on a man will emasculate him, that if he really likes us he'll get over his shyness and ask us out and if he doesn't that means he isn't interested, that asking a man out makes us look easy... we're supposed to abide by all these Victorian attitudes on sexuality that men don't have to follow.

And then I come on here and find there are so many men who don't think that way! Who actually like it when we show our interest! Who aren't into subtle hints and idiotic mind-games! Whose man-bits don't fall off if we tell them we like them!

Where have you lads been all my life?

CrazyStarlightRedux
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06 Nov 2012, 8:49 am

ColdEyesWarmHeart wrote:

Where have you lads been all my life?

The internet? lol

I really didn't know that much about how woman approach men or anything, but coming on here made me realise that it seems to be the norm for a woman to not let a man know that she's interested. I have had woman tell me they had a crush on me years ago, but not at that present time...but then I think "Why bother telling me that?", then I realise they're not of a standard IQ for me to be interested in the long term. LOL

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