Are relationships always this complicated?

Post Reply New Topic

A lot of good suggestions, I'll just add that if she's actually in pain at the moment, that it's unlikely to work out well to try to discuss things reasonably, pain is agitating and people who feel agitated want to be calmed and will find it harder to think so best not to ask someone in pain to think through options if you can avoid it. Also pain makes most people irritable.

Excellent suggestions for when she's at my place. Yesterday she was at her place, and I was at work.

Very much so.

I understand you don't want kids. But she wants kids.

If she gets a hysterectomy, obviously she won't be able to have kids. This absolutely DEVASTATES some women. If some woman knows she can't create life, that would make her believe that she is not a viable person. It depresses them in the extreme.

Of course, she could adopt--but that's not the point, really. Women want to create life.

I've heard sex helps some women. relieves the cramps if I remember right, though with others it makes it worse. though wouldn't offer sex if hes considering leaving her.

I'd probably try cuddling though idk if that would help. I want to comfort and to me thats physical touch like cuddles and hugs. sex might be a option but I'm not equipped for that so I don't think I'll ever offer. wonder if its just intercourse or if toys and ogasm would help.

does cuddling help some women? or should one just throw some chocolate in the room and run.

Your relationship is just as toxic as it was a week ago.

Yeah, she was saying I don't understand how girls feel. Note, she said "how girls feel", not "how girls think" and also note she didn't seem to realize this problem is common to many guys, not just me.Yes she does have a lot of romantic notions. She used to send me these cutesy romantic Facebook stickers which I found terribly kitsch. I never knew quite how to respond. She's stopped doing that now, much to my relief. She's stopped acting cutesy kitsch like she used to. E.g. she will no longer use "love" four times in one sentance.


Yeah, she can be impatient and she can be inarticulate. I think she's more comfortable spesking Cantonese than English. Since I only see her on (some) weekends, most of our commication (and arguments) is through text messages. Her use of txt speak is compounded by her slightly broken English. I often don't understand what she's saying and further inquiry into what she considers to be a sensative subject can anger her further.

When I'm with he, her use of short sentances and the fact that she's an art major indicate that she's a visual thinker. I alwsys have trouble communicating with visual thinkers. They tend to think that brevity is mire important than precision in their speach.

Sounds a bit unappealing with the menstrual cycle and all lol. Anyways, it reminded me of how sex helps induce labor if a pregnant woman misses her due date.



mmm chocolates. Just throw and run.

So this all transpired during written communication, in two separate locations, wow. I assumed you were face to face!! She contacted you to tell you about her discomfort?
I know from the earlier pages of this thread, that you are eager to learn about relationships, but honestly this all seems unhealthy and I do not want to imagine what types of warped understandings both of you are going to take from this experience.
Think before you write something to her again, would you like it to see it quoted with your photo on social media (eg dating sites)? How long does the request take to remove information from a google search? Does that remove cached information too?

@Sly I usually dont feel emotionally amorous when Im in pain, it might work for other women though.

Why don't you do a castration surgery? Maybe you'll stop needing to date anyone.

Yes, Amity came up with some nice ideas. I'll try them over the weekend. Good thing the weather has cooled down. It was a heatwave last week and a hot water bottle wouldn't have helped.Very true. She mentioned something vague about "I need to see a doctor" but said nothing more about it.I would if we were in the same house. She was at her house. Her (extended) family makes her do most of the housework and cooking since she's the only one there who's unemployed. They make her do it even when she's not feeling well. They made her do it last week when we went through a heatwave without turning on the air conditioner because they're total skinflints and the air conditioner costs money to run. I've noticed she suffers from the heat worse than I do. She'll break out into a sweat and say it's very hot when to me it's only mildly hot. Last week it was very hot and I think she was in danger of getting heatstroke. I feel sorry for her living with a family like that, who care more about saving a few dollars than her health.

Sometimes I think I should let her move in with me to spare her from her cruel family. At the moment she's stopped talking about moving in because she thinks my mother hates her. My mother doesn't hate her, she merely said she thought it was too soon for her to move in. I think gf misinterpreted her words. I also don't like how the overfeed her with food past it's expiry date. They give her way too much, more than she can comfortably eat, and if she doesn't finish it they berate her for being ungrateful.She's not really pro-science. She also believes I'm going to die from taking sleeping pills. I have insomnia so sometimes I take a sleeping pill or I'm a zombie the next day.Yeah, a few weeks ago she was saying she wants me to tell her everything. Why can't she do the same? She said the key to a good relationship is communication yet she doesn't seem to practice what she preaches.Yes, I've calmed down now. Maybe I got overemotional as well.At one point she suggested we adopt and I said it would annoy me more to raise someone else's kids than my own. She said we could adopt so the kid wouldn't have aspergers and that really annoyed me. I said if she was that concerned about it I'd rather use gene therapy than adopt (bonus points if we get to choose the sex).What an odd thing to want.She says she's not ready for sex yet... Also sex during her period sounds really gross.Yeah, I think think that might help. It usually seems to calm her down.I don't think texts between mobile phones will show up on Google.

Annoying yeah, it used to be two days!Wait, would that really help?

I thought that would cause more pain, like when I have a sprained ankle I don't want anyone to touch it. I'll do it if it will help.

This sounds like you're over-thinking this.

She wants to have kids. You don't. You don't have to have kids if you don't want them. She could go on to someone else who does want kids.

The hysterectomy thing wasn't good. I would advise against ever again advising anybody to have an hysterectomy.

Most people like to create new life, no matter what "philosophy" some people have (i.e., the world's too cruel a place to create life, etc).

Babies are beautiful. Life is beautiful. Despite the fact that the world "sucks."

Fair enough, my point is to be careful with what you put in writing, you have an ability to say some hurtful things. The spoken word fades with time, words you have written attached to your digital record can be re read, resurface at a later date and can be shown to other people.
A gentle circular belly rub can be nice, it's a distraction, but check with her first, everyone is different.

OK, a belly rub might actually be a good idea. Now I just have to figure out which massage oil to use. I can't order it online since I'll need it tomorrow. I'll have to find a shop that sells that kind of thing in the city since by the time I get home the shops are closed.

I wish I knew the name of it--but there's some Chinese stuff which really helps my wife when she has aches and pains. I think it has camphor in it.

I would say...any oil might actually do the trick, especially those which are scented. Also: be gentle at first. You have to find out her threshold. People have different thresholds. If she gets impatient, just tell her to be patient, and to allow you to reach the threshold.