Why is Asperger's unattractive?

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I have no evidence that it does or doesn't and I wouldn't claim either way as I still say gender is not an accurate way to determine who is more crippled. Both men and women are people first. And everyone's experience different.

I suggest you have made an assumption that may be getting in the way of succeeding in a relationship. Everyone has their own experience, men and woman. If you enter a relationship perceiving your partner to have "an easier time," you may have resentment before you even begin.

In other words, no. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Yes, that's what I said. Sorry for making it hard for you with using so many words.

I feel it's fruitless to compare the experience of autism based on gender. One has to look at individual people, rather than at general groups.

Maybe women don't have as much trouble finding men as vice versa--but they have other problems/concerns which do not beset men.

One has to make use of what's been "handed" to them.

Ia that aspie women have different problems, like ending up with abusive mates. Thats still not winning.

I seldom get asked out. Men who ask me out are usually old enough to be my grandfather or father.

I get passed over, rejected, taken advantage of. Im difficult to read like many aspie men.

Dno think I can be too honest. Say the wrong things, seem a bit weird.

It also happens to me every time. Except I can't communicate my feelings.

I'm actually pretty good at talking online.

Talking in person is more difficult.

I'm not as introverted as people think I am. I actually do enjoy being around people and doing things with people it's just that I don't have the greatest 1 on 1 conversation skills. I enjoy my down time as well.

Your gender is a big part of who you are, even as an individual. It affects how you view yourself, and more importantly for the matter at hand, how others view you.

True...but not as far as comparing how bad one has it.

Just because Aspie males, IN GENERAL, might have it worse off than Aspie women doesn't mean YOU have it worse off than women.

Some Aspie woman have it worse off than me; some better than me.

I just think generalizing, in this instance, is useless within such an individualistic context as romance.

Well the subject of this thread is why Asperger syndrome is such a turn-off to the opposite sex. NOT which autistic gender has it worse. And what the evidence shows is that Autism/AS is not so much of a turn-off to the opposite sex per se, it really DOES appear to a be a big turn-off to women. The reason being the lack of social & interpersonal skills. Charm, confidence, charisma, assertiveness, knowing how to talk a good line, and being in control of ones emotions and not easily reacting to adverse events around oneself even when one is clearly being treated unfairly.
I would go so far as to say women are *wired* to find these things attractive.

A lot of guys view shy, passive, awkward women as endearing....And the more charismatic, manipulative men see them as an easy catch.

don't have resentment for women having a advantage, jealous maybe.
fact is a woman is way more likely to get a bf by not asking men out then a man who doesn't ask women out
men are expected to start relationships, women are expected to wait for a man to start them. until this idea changes in our society in at least this way women will be more advantageous than men.
does this make their suffering on other fronts of asperges any easier no. but on at least getting more dates it would seem to.



if the goal is just to get a relationship/date, which for mean is the only goal. then there is a clear winner. in the grand scheme of a long lasting healthy relationships both sexes are screwed. I'd rather have had abusive relationships than non at all. even abusive ones would increase my odds of getting another relationship.
I have on the other hand been taken advantage of and not gotten the other benefits of relationship.

though i do't see what good comes from debating who gets hurt more


as for me besisdes the regular stuff that leads to unattractiveness like no job, ugly, fat, and political differences. people hardly ever know I am a aspie.

so only thing is that I require a while of text based messages to become comfortable enough to meet in person. this means I'll also be able to well talk in person rather than just being silent the whole time. It allows me to feels safe with the person and open up to be my self with them.
however most women seem to expect you to ask them out after the first 1-3 messages. to me this is not enough time to do that. I prefer few weeks of conversation a few days at least.

At least you guys have hope. I've only been on a few dates with one girl who told me she never liked me. Almost all women I've messaged on dating sites just ignored me. Even a goal to get just ANY relationship is unrealistic for some of us.

I have a lot of hobbies and I make twice the national average while studying full time for my masters degree, yet I have no hope. Of course there're things I could improve about. I could do speech classes for my monotone voice, buy tailored clothes and go to a gym, but it wouldn't be enough. I'm just not good enough to be liked by anyone. Sure I'm lonely, but I'm not unhappy with my life. I enjoy reading books, watching movies, working on my personal projects and (hopefully this summer) I will start solo traveling.

I think what you describe as fact is only your feeling at the moment. I usually feel the same way, since I am 25, and I have never had a serious relationship ever. All the girls I have had experience with (there isn't many of them) needed only a random male to boost their low self-esteems, or to make someone else jealous, and I was available at the moment. The best qualities they found in me are that I'm male and available. How ridiculous is that?

Yet, I try not to feel bad because of this. It's only statistics of of the last 25 years. Anything can happen in the future. In the meantime, I can focuse more on my studies and on myself. I'm proud of myself, even if I'm unable to start and maintain a relationship. And if normal girls don't like me... well, screw them! I don't like them either.

You never know. You might meet a girl whom you really connect with in a year, a month, who knows it could be tomorrow. You never know. Just make sure when this girl comes along, you don't screw up and make yourself look like an ass.

We know, that is outdated, but other people that judge us, do not. That is the problem. Sooner or later that will be the cause of avoidant behaviour and/or shyness. Shy people and autistics included will always be thinking: "What does he/she think about me?"