"Friends with benefits" is nonsense.

Post Reply New Topic

FWB is beneficial to both men and women. Both genders get hot between the legs. Its just about who gets personal first. Its all a mutual thing. As long as you both know where to draw the line then you're fine. I don't think there's anything special about sex besides the ending (if it is a happy one). If I am in a good relationship with someone then it can be special.

consentual sex =/= rape.

SEX is a primal urge. Humans are hard wired to reproduce. Or urges get more intense based on the seasons and the lunar calendar. This is normal and healthy.

Our society has all sorts of antiquated traditions that dictate how humans should live together. Birth Control Pill made most of these moral codes obselete, but traditions are persistent....

Women in particular, are very conflicted about their sexuality. On one hand, I am an empowered woman, who's not afraid to take what I want. On the other, the whole virgin/mother/whore idea.

I am a fairly sexual person. I don't want to hurt people. There's alot that goes into finding a compatible sexual partner. The kama sutra goes into it in detail: size of genetalia. intensity of carnal desire, duration of congress. I often find that sex is disappointing physically. When you find someone that is compatible physically and chemistry wise, that's a rare pleasure.

I think FWB is a lot more healthy and satisfying than one night stands.

The Greeks had three (3) words for love: Eros, Agape, can't remember the last one off hand.
Eros is lust: physical desire
Agape is friendly love: how you love a person that shares your interests and enjoy their company
last one is how you love your familiy: like a mother loves a son, or brother their sister. Unconditionally.

The Greeks had wives to make families, friends to discuss their problems and goals, and lovers for lust.

In many ways, I think the Western Ideal that you will find all of these traits in one person, is a fairy tale.

How does a socially awkward aspie get FWB? Women tend to think I am unattractive since I have odd mannerisms and talk kind of funny at least I think so.

I am a wierdo and a freak. People tend to be scared of me. I like punk and goth type clothes and when I wear that stuff most people either give me a dirty look or laugh or just ignore me. But I don't care. Maybe it is because I live in an ultra conservative area where everyone is boring.

I am not out to hurt anyone not sure why people are frightened when I decide to get all dressed up.

Where can a punk find love. I only get people who talk to me who like weirdos.

Most normal people are scared of me. Or they find me repulsive at least it seems like they do.

I mean this one woman I liked when she found out I did she couldn't get away fast enough. It is like what just happened. What do I look or act like some predator or something. Jeez, What is with that?! I just said I liked her and wanted to hang out with her. She looked like a deer in headlights or something and started walking away really fast.

Then she got all friendly with me then I heard she told people I was bothering her. It is like huh what the heck did I do??

This happens a lot. I met a woman talk to her on the phone for like two weeks. We got to meet up and she made some excuse to get away after 45 minutes after I drove an hour to see her through traffic. It was in Boston. What a nightmare. She mad up some story about her brother having a seizure and being at the emergency room. What kind of decent human being makes up something like that about a family member. Using a family member's illness as a way to get out of a date you wanted in the beginning. Can someone make sense of this because I sure as hell cannot. It defies logic. I was not doing anything odd or being too pushy or anything. What the hell?!

I've actually stopped doing it recently. The sensual actions I was doing on women caused different reactions within them. Thus, eventually making things more intense and personal.

I suspect that the number of people who can actually do the "friends with benefits" thing without complications is quite small. But they do exist, and it's rude to assume that a person who claims to be happy with it is just fooling themselves.

Can I ask.. why on earth are so many people here being so judgmental about what is, essentially, a personal choice?

I have a number of GOOD friends with whom I sometimes have benefits. And I can tell you, there is most certainly an emotional connection. There is not a committed, structural relationship, but how the heck does that mean I cannot have love for more than one person? For these people in my life, the friendship and love come first.. the sex second. I generally don't have casual sex, and its a bit odd that someone would call FWB, universally, casual sex. It could be, if someone was doing it in that way I suppose.. but the term FWB has the 'F' first, and so it means you need to have an emotional connection BEFORE you have sex.

The OP, back in 2012, said they thought FWB was emotionally immature. I strongly disagree. In fact, there is a great deal of anthropological evidence that this is how most of us functioned before agriculture came along. Plus, there is a flourishing Poly/Open community out there, and I can tell you, there are a significant number of aspies in it.

Also, I suspect it depends pon where you are. Here in the SF Bay, there is a large Open/Poly community doing very nicely.

I find it funny when people bash Open/Poly relationships and ironically they prosper better than the normal ones.

I cant believe it so difficult to get FWBs when being male autistic. I have lot of female friends but they are all don't see me in that way. I had never met a women who see me attractive.

I am very smart, straightforward, honest and career driven person who love socialising, helping communities and that but still all women still reject me.

If it's not for you, don't do it.

There's zero sense in lecturing people who enjoy casual sex/fwb situations that it's "emotionally immature," or w/e other judgement you want to pass on others' personal lives in the bedroom, because those of us who like sex simply aren't going to be dissuaded by your argument.

Humans have evolved to have sex for pleasure & we're also fully capable of making decisions on whether or not we require "emotional intimacy," or not in order to have sex.

Some posters here have said they Need to date for months before considering having sex with someone, okay, good for them. I just need a split second and a little bit of information about sexual health & preferences. YMMV.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I can't even get dates, let alone have sex. I'm a loser when it comes to women.

join the club.

Friends with benefits can be real friends.

I am still friend with ex fwbs; but I am totally honest about how I see them (attractive).

I asked an ex fwb recently if she would sleep with me again if she ever broks up with her current bf; said yes of course (but also said she would prefer if it leads to a real relationship over just fwb).

Generally, women aren’t usually much into the fwb thing.

I agree. "Casual sex" is the most Neruotypical activity on the planet. When i look for a relationship of any kind, i want it to be meaningful, i want it to last. This attitude of throwaway friends is one of the many things wrong with todays culture. I'm only 14 and have never been in a relationship of the kind implied above, but i remember many times where "friends" just stopped talking to me or replaced me for seemingly no reason.

The most neurotypical activity? The only reason I've never engaged in it is because I've never had a chance. Self-righteous attitudes against it make me want to do it even more, if only to give the finger to those telling me I can't because it's not "meaningful". Go tell someone dying of thirst in the desert that since they can't have a fine, expensive wine, they shouldn't drink "meaningless" water from the first oasis they find.