Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

FWB relationships - your opinion?

Page 14 of 20 [ 312 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 ... 20  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

PsychoSarah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,109
Location: The division between Sanity and Insanity

14 May 2013, 11:28 am

Then this has been a gigantic misunderstanding.



appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

14 May 2013, 11:30 am

Greb wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
You still didn't answer my question, even when you quoted it. Even if we may be imposing ourselves, how are YOU not doing it? Stating we think it is wrong is perfectly ok to do. Just as it as ok for seekangel or whatever his name is to give that response. Honestly I would not care if they said that, I already know why I want to get married, and I in fact already told you. I am not in the goal of a marriage for my own needs, I am doing it to make the lucky lady I marry happy, any way I can.
Now answer my question, and stop playing word games with my mind.


I'm not imposing to you any decission. You have freedom of choice. But with every choice, be aware that there's consequences.

I have a FWB (or I had, since we're living now in different countries). She's a good friend and I really care for her, I never used her. If you state that FWB is wrong and involves using another person, you're telling me manipulative, evil and liar. Feel free to do it, I can handle it.

Make your choice. I'm not impossing you what you have to think. But you must be coherent with your choices. If you decide that FWB means using another person no matter what, you're telling me liar, and you're telling me as*hole. If you do so, that's OK, but you can't make a choice and avoid the consequences.

Now it's up to you to make the choice and decide what you think and be coherent with it. As you can see, I'm not impossing you.


I never called you an as*hole or a liar, no one ever did. Just because we feel a certain way on this, and it goes against what you have done, doesn't mean we don't think you can't be a great guy. You'd probably make a great friend if you were not offended so easily. I never said I hated you, and you are no less deserving than me of good things, and I still think you are a good person. You are focusing on one misinterpretation of cakey, and me defending meant I agreed? I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but that isn't what I meant. If you can't believe that that is fine, you are a good person, so be happy about it.


_________________
comedic burp


Last edited by appletheclown on 14 May 2013, 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

cakey
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 29 Nov 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

14 May 2013, 11:30 am

PsychoSarah wrote:
I think you guys need to take a chill pill. Comming from me, that's pretty bad.

I agree. This is all based on opinion. But the people attacking other people based upon their opinion are really hard-headed.


_________________
Neurotypical. I'm very friendly; feel free to message me. :)


PsychoSarah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,109
Location: The division between Sanity and Insanity

14 May 2013, 11:32 am

Both of you respect the others opinion! Now stop being disrespectful to each other trying to communicate that fact.



cakey
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 29 Nov 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

14 May 2013, 11:35 am

appletheclown wrote:
Greb wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
You still didn't answer my question, even when you quoted it. Even if we may be imposing ourselves, how are YOU not doing it? Stating we think it is wrong is perfectly ok to do. Just as it as ok for seekangel or whatever his name is to give that response. Honestly I would not care if they said that, I already know why I want to get married, and I in fact already told you. I am not in the goal of a marriage for my own needs, I am doing it to make the lucky lady I marry happy, any way I can.
Now answer my question, and stop playing word games with my mind.


I'm not imposing to you any decission. You have freedom of choice. But with every choice, be aware that there's consequences.

I have a FWB (or I had, since we're living now in different countries). She's a good friend and I really care for her, I never used her. If you state that FWB is wrong and involves using another person, you're telling me manipulative, evil and liar. Feel free to do it, I can handle it.

Make your choice. I'm not impossing you what you have to think. But you must be coherent with your choices. If you decide that FWB means using another person no matter what, you're telling me liar, and you're telling me as*hole. If you do so, that's OK, but you can't make a choice and avoid the consequences.

Now it's up to you to make the choice and decide what you think and be coherent with it. As you can see, I'm not impossing you.


I previously said I not calling you an as*hole or a liar, no one ever did. Just because we feel a certain way on this, and it goes against what you have done, doesn't mean we don't think you can't be a great guy. You'd probably make a great friend if you were not offended so easily. I never said I hated you, and you are no less deserving than me of good things, and I still think you are a good person. You are focusing on one misinterpretation of cakey, and me defending meant I agreed? I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but that isn't what I meant. If you can't believe that that is fine, you are a good person, so be happy about it.

^^^^Definate THIS! I respect Greb's opinion as well. I just don't feel the way he wants me to, but that's OKAY, right? We are all entitled to feel a certain way about a practice or about people's intentions. He thinks it is bad that I assume the other person is using me. I accept that he may think that of me, but that doesn't change myopinion on the matter. It is just an intutitive feeling that can't be argued against.


_________________
Neurotypical. I'm very friendly; feel free to message me. :)


cakey
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 29 Nov 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

14 May 2013, 11:36 am

PsychoSarah wrote:
Both of you respect the others opinion! Now stop being disrespectful to each other trying to communicate that fact.

I was never disprespectful. Unless you aren't referring to me.


_________________
Neurotypical. I'm very friendly; feel free to message me. :)


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,123
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

14 May 2013, 11:39 am

Wow, big posts...



Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

14 May 2013, 11:39 am

Nope, apple. I don't think you hate them. I have no idea and I wouldn't dare to make this kind of assumption.

What I say is that you must be coherent with your choices. You can't say, for example, that homosexuality is a perversion, and at the same time that you know a gay man that is a nice guy. Neither you can't say that having a FWB is using a person, and at the same time saying that a friend of you has a FWB and he's a nice guy (or girl). Because this is not coherent.

If you're using somebody, you're not a nice person. No way. If you're a pervert, you're not a nice person too.

If you say that you wouldn't feel ok in a FWB relation, that's fine. But here you're not judging anyone, you're just stating that you're not feeling ok with it, because this is how you feel, but you're not making any assumption about the morality of people involved in a FWB relation.

There's a big difference between feeling unconfortable with something (as long as you're talking about personal feelings) and stating that something is morally wrong.


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)


appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

14 May 2013, 11:55 am

Greb wrote:
Nope, apple. I don't think you hate them. I have no idea and I wouldn't dare to make this kind of assumption.

What I say is that you must be coherent with your choices. You can't say, for example, that homosexuality is a perversion, and at the same time that you know a gay man that is a nice guy. Neither you can't say that having a FWB is using a person, and at the same time saying that a friend of you has a FWB and he's a nice guy (or girl). Because this is not coherent.

If you're using somebody, you're not a nice person. No way. If you're a pervert, you're not a nice person too.

If you say that you wouldn't feel ok in a FWB relation, that's fine. But here you're not judging anyone, you're just stating that you're not feeling ok with it, because this is how you feel, but you're not making any assumption about the morality of people involved in a FWB relation.

There's a big difference between feeling unconfortable with something (as long as you're talking about personal feelings) and stating that something is morally wrong.


The problem is, we would tease each other about it all the time. It was a place where we could be friends on common grounds. I was capable of making friends with these people. If a friend of mine would do something immoral, it didn't mean I would reject him from our circle of friends, I would never do that. You are the one that thinks friends who do these things are not friends, not me. I am willing to include them.


_________________
comedic burp


appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

14 May 2013, 11:58 am

Greb wrote:
There's a big difference between feeling uncomfortable with something (as long as you're talking about personal feelings) and stating that something is morally wrong.


Who is actually forgiving something, the man willing to look past your immorality, or the man who is uncomfortable when ever you are around?


_________________
comedic burp


Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

14 May 2013, 12:12 pm

appletheclown wrote:
The problem is, we would tease each other about it all the time. It was a place where we could be friends on common grounds. I was capable of making friends with these people. If a friend of mine would do something immoral, it didn't mean I would reject him from our circle of friends, I would never do that. You are the one that thinks friends who do these things are not friends, not me. I am willing to include them.


Well, let me ask a question. Imagine you get the knowledge that a friend of yours scammed a family and stole them all their saving. Would you continue to befriend him?


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)


appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

14 May 2013, 12:36 pm

Greb wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
The problem is, we would tease each other about it all the time. It was a place where we could be friends on common grounds. I was capable of making friends with these people. If a friend of mine would do something immoral, it didn't mean I would reject him from our circle of friends, I would never do that. You are the one that thinks friends who do these things are not friends, not me. I am willing to include them.


Well, let me ask a question. Imagine you get the knowledge that a friend of yours scammed a family and stole them all their saving. Would you continue to befriend him?

No, being friends with someone who does something immoral as brought up because I do not hate all the people I talked about. I know you didn't say I hated anyone, by the way.


_________________
comedic burp


appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

14 May 2013, 12:39 pm

Greb wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
The problem is, we would tease each other about it all the time. It was a place where we could be friends on common grounds. I was capable of making friends with these people. If a friend of mine would do something immoral, it didn't mean I would reject him from our circle of friends, I would never do that. You are the one that thinks friends who do these things are not friends, not me. I am willing to include them.


Well, let me ask a question. Imagine you get the knowledge that a friend of yours scammed a family and stole them all their saving. Would you continue to befriend him?


And I shouldn't have to explain myself to you. I get the feeling you are trying to make me look bad. This is over.


_________________
comedic burp


appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

14 May 2013, 12:42 pm

Greb wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
The problem is, we would tease each other about it all the time. It was a place where we could be friends on common grounds. I was capable of making friends with these people. If a friend of mine would do something immoral, it didn't mean I would reject him from our circle of friends, I would never do that. You are the one that thinks friends who do these things are not friends, not me. I am willing to include them.


Well, let me ask a question. Imagine you get the knowledge that a friend of yours scammed a family and stole them all their saving. Would you continue to befriend him?


Actually I would, if it was a one time thing. I also don't make friends with bad people.


_________________
comedic burp


cakey
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 29 Nov 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

14 May 2013, 12:47 pm

MCalavera wrote:
cakey wrote:
The love I speak of is also unconditional. If a family member does a horrific crime, of course we must let them go to be punished, but that won't mean that the love is gone. Same thing with romantic partners. They could cheat, be a compulsive liar, and all these other things that could cause a break-up, but that wouldn't mean that the love that was there would go away. It just means they weren't compatible. When you love someone, you don't expect anything in return except you want them to be happy. I just don't consider wanting another person to be happy a way of using somone at all. I think using someone for sex, money or any other superficial/physical thing is to disregard their personality and being.


In my opinion, love should not be unconditional. That's not healthy.

For you this may be true, but not for me. Love has a different interpretation for everyone. In addition, I also make wise choices in life with who I consider family or not. Obviously one must stay away from harmful or evil people. You can't fall in love without knowing the true nature of their being. So it's unlikely that a loved one of mine would even do any of that because I have chosen wisely who to open my heart to. In addition, I would have to let a loved one go if they ever did a horrible act and prevent them from being in my life. But of course there is the inherent love for family that I feel. I don't feel it unhealthy if I'm protected and unaffected by any of it.


_________________
Neurotypical. I'm very friendly; feel free to message me. :)


Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

14 May 2013, 12:54 pm

I'm not trying to make you look bad. Indeed, I'm sure you wouldn't befriend people that you consider bad people.

And here is when it comes the interesting thing: I'm sure you wouldn't befriend a person that you consider bad. However, and even though you consider intelectually as something morally wrong some behaviours (as the FWB one), you wouldn't have any emotional problem to befriend a person that has a FWB, or that is gay, for example.

Your head and your christian convictions say that something is morally wrong. However, your emotions don't find any problem in befriending such people.

That is food for thoughts, don't you think?


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)