Is it unfair of me to ask my gf for a prenup in this case?

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Well that's what it takes to maintain that income the wife's demand.

I didn't it super ironic and annoying lots of women want a guy to make ____ much then get mad he works all the time. Well duh

If I loved my wife enough, and she loved me, I would be able to do without sex.

It really depends upon WHY. If she's lost interest in me as a person, then I would consider divorce. If it's for some physical reason, obviously I would stay with her.

I still have a sex drive--so I would masturbate quite a bit.

She never participates in unisex groups and activities.


In my opinion, you write here as if NT women are all alike, regardless of personality and cultural differences (which can be huge) and as if there's only one "model" of marriage that everybody has to squeeze themselves into no matter what. Since you flirted with your married friend you also seem to think that all woman/man friendships will have such a dimension. Which is honestly ludicrous and makes it very ironic for you to question kraftie's morality.

It's obvious my wife and you have different emotional needs and different expectations from your partner, not to mention views on what makes a good marriage. And FYI information she's the kind of woman who asks openly for what she wants and needs, her best friend of over 30 years is male and she has a deep-rooted contempt for those who stereotype women as insecure, jealous, suckers for cheesy romance, emotionally clingy and utterly irrational once a month

Since the level of discussion dropped to reality tv I'm out of here until the OP returns.

The show is about actual couples and the problems they face. Why do you think that a lot of Aspie relationships don't work? And I mean Aspie men with NT women. I'm a realist and I know a lot of marriages fail and end in divorce. You happen to be blessed to be in such a relationship because a lot of Aspie men are not.

And I think this kind of topic is good to discuss. See, you can look the opposite way and scoff because your marriage is OK, but others' marriages and relationships are not. I'm trying to be honest in where I'm coming from as an NT woman. I know I have emotional needs that need to be met and I'm sure that I'm not the only one just because your wife is different than me. I want to try to understand what problems people have who are married and why they have them so that if I do get married I don't have them. And honestly, if my emotional needs were not being met, I wouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage - just like a lot of men wouldn't stay in a sexless marriage. I would never cheat if I were married, but I'm not staying either.

And I don't mean ALL - there are always exceptions.

Another thing, I had 3 Aspie friendships with Aspie men where my emotional needs were not being met and all three are no longer my friends. The friendship I had with my NT guy friend lasted 4 yrs and would have continued if he hadn't gotten married because he did fulfill my emotional needs. So there has to be some reason why my other 3 Aspie friendships failed. This is why I'm on this site so I can possibly give input from the NT side of things. I don't just pull this crap out of my ass. That's why I watch certain reality shows - for the psychology aspect. I'm hoping that Aspie men (and women) may learn something since most will be in Aspie/NT relationships.

OK, your posts seemed to get nasty and if I over-reacted I apologise.

In my opinion, most marriages fail because people don't get the time to understand and know themselves or their partner before making a commitment. They're often unaware of their own needs (which they confuse with wants) and oblivious of other people's needs.

Yes, it's an interesting topic to discuss and can benefit from input from both NTs and aspies. I'd rather not derail this thread as I have genuine concern for the OP's situation. If you start a thread about it, let me know please and I'd gladly participate. I've been happily married for over 20 years, and I love and value my wife more as time passes.

This topic actually pertains to his situation - him letting his fiance go out with his best friend. I presume his fiance is NT. Some Aspies here are seeing no problem with her going out with her fiance's (the OP) best friend, but from my view I'm seeing it as her needs being fulfilled by the best friend when the OP should have been fulfilling those needs. I really think that Aspies are too trusting and I like that about them. It's the NT's that I don't trust any further than I could throw them to be honest with you.

Something else about this reality show I'm watching, the OP would probably benefit from seeing it because these couples are having the exact same problems that he's having. - joint accounts, what happens when only one partner's name is on the deed of the house - this one guy actually went to see a lawyer behind his partners back. Some reality TV is actually educational.

Oh! And the wife of this one guy just said that her husband doesn't know that most of her work money goes to a separate account her husband doesn't know about so she said she "spends her money and their money too". You never really know a person.

expecting a spouse to meet most of your emotional needs is a recipe for disaster and burdens the spouse with your total well-being. no one has all their needs met by one person. people marry for a variety of reasons. i'm speaking here from perspective from what i've learned via having received counseling for years. the therapists were NT.

Agreed.

I'm also NT and to me it's normal and healthy to have friends that I go off and do things with, sans my other half and close ones included, of both sexes.

I would have gf's too. Referring back to my friendship with my NT guy friend, I had never even met him and his wife felt threatened because of the things we said to each other even though it was the same way that we had acted for the whole 4yrs. She didn't like that we talked for hours every day and I can understand that because he was spending more time with me talking and "emotionally bonding" and he actually should have been spending that time with her. Again, nothing physical ever happened - he was in Alaska and I was in Kansas but we were very close emotionally.

Friends are necessary, but they cannot fill the connection you have with your spouse. Whoever I would marry would be my best friend, a sexual companion, etc. My girlfriends can't fill that role - that's a special closeness. My girlfriends are good to spend time doing my hobbies and interests that I wouldn't have in common with my husband. I'm not going to spend time with his best friend though without him there. That feels weird to me and I would expect the same from him.

Usually, once people get married, they go out together double dating etc. One married person isn't seen without the other - you're supposed to be a team. That's how I see marriage anyway. My Hunny would definitely have to have lots of small talk with me.

^
That might be usual where you live, I don't know, where I live and where I'm from it's perfectly normal to socialise without your spouse and for both men and women to spend time with friends of the opposite sex or mixed groups. Marriage is not a prison, or at least it shouldn't be.

That being said, my wife has first choice of my free time and I do prioritise her over friends.

I wouldn't see spending most of my time with my husband as being in a prison, otherwise I wouldn't want to marry him. I would, however, want to spend MOST of my time with him because he would be my best friend.

I can't be the only one who thinks like this. Once my single friends got married, their focus was on their marriage and then their family once they had kids. I saw them very rarely and a lot of times they would go out with couples and if I didn't have a date it was "implied" that I would have been the 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel or whatever. Of course, I started seeing more of them after they got divorced, but that's another story.

In my opinion, married people who treat single ones as social pariahs are fair-weather friends (to put it nicely). You have less time when you have a family but I won't go out with couples for the sake of it and neglect people I like and connect with just because they happen to be single at the time. We kept spending time or going out to dinner with our close friends both when they were married or single. We don't do the "women talk to women and men to men" when in groups and those who are single engage in conversation/interaction as much as the couples.

Maybe it's really down to cultural difference, I really can't relate to what you describe *shrug*, it takes all kind I guess.

Different cultures? What culture are you?

Swede living mainly in Germany for decades.