How can I tell my girlfriend she is fat?

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C'mere.

There is a certain charm to being caressed by Erudition

I think you need to jump into a cold shower, Mr. K.

I prefer lukewarm

We're just kidding with each other.....

Very typical story...

Honestly, I don’t understand why so many girls accept to put themselves in such situation, why do they risk entering relationships as financially dependent on the man, while they’re still not financially capable themselves.

Seriously...4 years?! From 19 to 23?? I wouldn’t stand a partner like that for 1 week myself.

How older is he than you? Were you totally financially dependent on him?

I’m too submissive to be controlling. I also wouldn’t want my gf around all the time. I have stuff I do alone or with few friends I have. So she’d need to go do stuff too.

My friend thinks his gf is cheating on him all the time. I don’t get it, if you don’t trust her why are you with her?

I doubt there's a perfect way to say it, as sometimes the old adage is true.. the truth hurts.

You might just have to say "We need to talk about diet & fitness as it's been starting to bother me that you're gaining weight. I want us both to be healthy and fit, so some changes are in order." If she flips out, that's her problem - be prepared to give her some space to calm down.. or to leave the relationship. Yes, these conversations can be relationship enders, even marriage enders. Women tend to get very offended by them and say things to justify their diet/exercise habits slipping like "You should love me for me no matter what I look like!" and other BS like that. IMO, the best response is the truth: "I DO love You, but I Also want to be sexually attracted to your body." Period. If she's unreceptive maybe she's not the one for you.

Alternatively, you could completely avoid the topic verbally and instead choose to take control of everything your two eat together, as well as the level of physical activity you have together. Buy and eat veggies, invite her to come along with you for a walk or to play frisbee or whatever you enjoy doing that keeps you both moving. She'll likely get the hint at WHY you're doing that and ask you if it's about her weight gain and then you can admit it fully and tell her you thought the best way to keep both of you in Hot shape was to do the things you know will help that rather than hurt her feelings by bringing it up.

There is no perfect way to do this.. good luck!

6 years older. He started out nice and convinced me to move interstate away from my family, I was not having a good time there anyway. He promised travel, adventures and that I would make new friends etc. NEVER ALLOWED THIS. He knew I had issues and that I was able to be manipulated at the time. He basically wanted me to be someone completely different and it took a while for his intentions and real personality to show through. These people who put on these facades, little inklings start to show through. They make you think you are trapped and when you think about leaving, they make horrible threats against you and there is nothing you can do, nobody who you can talk to about it. He would go through my social media, my phone and everything without me knowing. They don't ever fully show 100% of their true colours until the very end.

I had savings so I was not financially dependant on him and I was able to have jobs. I did not work very much, but never asked him for money etc. I got by on what I had. I never spent much on myself. I found myself paying for our food (He eats as much as a small family. "I bought three loaves of bread yesterday, where did they go?" ... meanwhile, he yelled at me for eating a single slice of toast.)
He didn't like me working. When I started a volunteer job where I got to do my passion, the first thing he said was "But there are going to be other men there!" No congrats, I'm happy for you, nothing.
When I didn't have a job, he would be abusive. When I did have a job, he was still abusive about it because I had contact with other people. He didn't want me to even have my own car, because it would give me freedoms.

He made me think that if I left, I would not be able to live on my own and I would have to move back. I thought about leaving so many times. He neglected me, ignored me and was abusive if I had any sort of contact with others.

I got my own unit on my own, and it took a bit of time to fill it with possessions, but I was happy.
He stalked me and I found him hiding under my open windows on my property twice. He was very creepy. He wouldn't dare do that now, he's scared of my current partner who's an inch shorter than Herman Munster and everything he was jealous of.

I've recently realised how much less money I spend and how much more money I save living myself. He used a lot of electricity and ate a lot of food. My electricity bill is now less than a quarter of what it was living with him.

Sorry to hear that were were in that situation but glad you were able to get out of it.

Thank you.

I quoted the whole thing because we should all read it at least twice.

Here's a book I hope everybody (male & otherwise) will read - so you will never be surprised by that behaviour. It's all there - separation from your family is Step 1. Reading your mail (and hiding it) is Step 2. Your library probably has the book. This is the book that put Complex PTSD in the DSM - some people call it Civilian PTSD.

TRAUMA AND RECOVERY by Dr. Judith Herman, M.D.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0465061710/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

What a pure, clear example of abuse!
I'm glad you had your power to leave!

Sounds interesting. Will keep a look out for that one. Thank you.
Yes, not a situation for anyone, esspecially an aspie (I didn't realise I was an aspie at the time) to be in.
Thank you everyone for support, I hope someone else reads this and realises that it sounds all too familiar with their current relationship and they get the courage and find a way out!

How about just accepting her the way she is?

Why do people say this as if sexual attraction should only matter the moment you meet someone?

Why should anyone accept their partner getting too fat, or too thin, or ____ that otherwise makes them sexually unattractive to them?

Seriously. I think it's ridiculous. He didn't meet a fat girl & was never attracted to a fat girl so why should he be with one?

Same goes for other changes in appearance or behaviour. If she was nice, and now she's not, why stay? If she was reasonable and responsible, but now spends money recklessly & is accumulating debt she'll never pay off, why stay?

If the things you were initially attracted to someone by are no longer present in that person or your relationship, it's time to have an adult conversation about getting back to where you both were Or parting ways and carrying on with your lives individually.

That’s why I asked earlier the ladies in the thread the fictive question what would happen if their partners suddenly became shorter than them (because I know most women would never consider a man shorter than them) / most dodged the question that this is impossible to happen (duh! no kidding ladies!).