I'm running out of time

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Oh okay, but I didn't think that I was that financially stable though, as in business, lawyers, etc. When said guys her age are p#$%ies, I thought she meant in terms of attitude because she was talking about how they are not as take charge as older guys, who grew up in a more take charge type of raising, compared to generation Z, or at least that is what she said more or less.

So maybe it's more about developing that kind of attitude in that case?

You removed the context, which was your specific observation that you felt never having had that experience was the world telling you that you were unworthy. What I wrote was directly connected to what you wrote, that if you believe B then logic dictates that you must believe C. Either own it or discard the logic that you use both to disparage yourself and the universe.

Clearly neither of you are in my situation, since you both have been able to attract partners. So you can't compare yourselves to me.

And I only got to my current state after multiple of years of consistent rejection. You can't say that the coffee mug fell because it's broken.



If nobody wanted me when I was younger and in better shape, why would anyone want me now?

Because neither youth nor fitness are the most important considerations in a partner. Not everyone is obsessed with the same factors you seem to be.

There's somebody out there for you dude! just keep putting yourself out there. Don't worry about humiliation, it's temporary, the girls who reject you will have forgotten about you, you need to forget about them. The important thing is to try and learn from what didn't work in the past. Try new things with new people.

What are you doing to attract partners? How much effort do you put into achieving this goal? Unlike age, your shape isn't something beyond your control, why can't you be in better shape now than when you were younger?

I hate when people say that. It is the absolutely most useless piece of garbage you could ever say to anyone. No, there is not someone out there for me or anyone. I know this because of the millions of people who've died without having ever found a partner. I knew a man when I was younger who could never get a woman. He was almost 50 and he died when I was in high school having never met the right woman.



I could, but at this point I'm too old for it to matter.

Well, supposing there is no one out there for some of us, and there isn't. I know 3 women in their early 50s now who have never had a boyfriend, you need a plan B otherwise you will waste your life being unhappy about something you can't change.

My life turned for the better when I got a pet. I also moved to a new area with lots of places to explore. But that's just what worked for me. Yes I still feel lonely sometimes, I had a little cry at lunchtime today. I found out some younger people I know are marrying each other and I just felt a bit overwhelmed. All that youthful hope is over for me.

But I won't let something I can't control stop me enjoying life.

Tell us plan B rather than snapping at us that our words are useless.

I believe I posted my plan B in the Haven a while ago.

Seriously?! Have been living under a rock your entire life? Have you ever watched TV or read a magazine?

This is BS. The only thing you have no control over is your age. But age is meaningless on it's own. Some traits normally associated with age are what matters: physical shape, financial security, quality of life. You can do your best right now as if you are 20. You can put effort into your physical shape, longevity, increase your life expectancy and quality of life. You can start working on your financial security as if you are 20, follow approaches of FIRE community, young people do it to retire in their 40s, if you'll start right now, you can be financially secure in your late 50s - early 60s. If you meet your future wife now and have a child in like 2-3 years, you can be a great parent and support your family until your child is almost your age.

What you are doing is deciding for others and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, you will be frail and senile by your 60. You would not be able to support your child if you would have one. Yes, you are too old to date younger women, because your physical shape is probably of a 60 year old now. But all this only ends up to be true if you don't start putting some effort into your goals right now.

It never fails to amaze me how much attention someone gets by complaining of their lack of a partner, then disputing every piece of advice or supportive comment someone offers.

You will never get a partner because you are a miserable, complaining old cuss. Not because you're too old. Not because you didn't date when you were younger. Not because your physique is not that of an Adonis. It's because you are a negative, miserable, rejecting, unappealing old cuss. Pretty much sums it up.

I hope people will wise up and stop responding to threads like this.

^^^ this is not true, dorkseid. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you, you are just depressed. It means your positive outlook, your strong character traits, your grit and motivation are depressed. There are millions other people in your position, who feel despair and don't know what to do, who are misunderstood just like you are. I was one of them just couple years ago.

I know chances your depression would let you accept this advise are very slim, but I'll do my best and let you decide:

First simple step you take right now to achieve all your goals is start exercising regularly. Depression is a very wide spectrum, even if you don't believe you are really clinically depressed, exercise will definitely improve your mental power and will make you more attractive. Worth trying.

That is not true at all. I have no control over that fact that I am poor. Poor people can't just magically choose to become wealthy by following some get rich quick scheme like whatever this fire nonsense is. If it was that simply nobody would be poor. Additionally I have a disability that prevents me from having a successful career. Financial success requires an ability to socialize on a neurotypical level. People have to be able to network within industries persuade customers into buying products, both of which require social skills that are exceptional even by neurotypical standards. Even passing a job interview requires social skills that are beyond what most people on the spectrum are capable of. This is the primary reason why people with autism have the lowest employment rate of any disability group, and most employed autists have only part time low paying jobs. Personally, I have been unemployed and homeless no less than 7 times in the 12 years since I graduated from university, and when I have had jobs they have always exclusively been low-paying high-turnover jobs that are extremely unfulfilling, despite having a university degree and the associated mountain of student debt that I can never get under control. And sure, a small minority of autists have found career in financial success in STEM fields. But those fields require very specific advanced higher education degrees that are not accessible to many people. Personally, I already exhausted the financial aid resources I was eligible for pursuing a useless communication degree long before I'd ever even heard the word STEM, and do not possess the financial means to start over.

I also have no control over the fact that I have major depression and maladaptive disorders that prevent me from being able to commit consistently to a health diet or exercise routine. If losing weight was as simple as just making better choices, nobody would be obese.

I have no control over the stigma associated with being a male exhibiting symptoms of ASD in the dating scene. I have no control over what women find attractive or unattractive, or over the genetic factors that determine such things.

I have no control over the actions of my biological father who abused my physically or my step-father who abused me emotionally. I have no control over the countless others who have abused me physically, emotionally, and sexually throughout my life. I have no control over the fact that my entire family lives in a far-away politically unstable theocracy that I legally couldn't go to if I wanted to and where my I would be in constant mortal danger if I did live there.

So there is a lot more than just my age that I have no control over.

I lack both the physical fitness of a young man and the financial security of an older man, so just what exactly does that leave me with???

And just why would I want longevity anyway. Why would I want to live like this longer than I absolutely have to? I bust my back day in and day out as practically a financial slave to earn a measly paycheck that is already spent on the bare necessity of survival before I even see it. Life is too painful and exhausting, and I have nothing good in my life to balance any of that out. So why wouldn't I want my life to end as soon as it possibly can? Why would I want to extend it any longer than necessary?



I appreciate that people are just trying to help. But I've already heard and tried all this advice a hundred times already, and for one reason or another none of it ever works.

Am I the only person on this forum who understand how cause and effect works??? What do I need to do to get you people to understand that an effect cannot be its own cause?! Yes, I am a bitter jaded sour cuss. But I only became that way after many years of constant rejection as a result of that rejection. The rejection came first! The coffee mug did fall off the table because it was broken. The dog did not run out into the rain because it was wet. This makes no freaking sense!! ! I am bitter because I've been rejected by women my entire life, not the other way around!

Last edited by dorkseid on 04 Jul 2021, 12:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

If there was nothing fundamentally wrong with me, than someone would have wanted to date me at some point in the past 12 years.

Yes, you have control. FIRE isn't get rich quick scheme, it's mostly about simple financial literacy and discipline. Ways how you can optimize your finances, how to pay you debts to reduce interest rates, how to track and reduce your expenses and maximize all possible benefits, how you can persistently save money even having a very modest income. A lot of people are poor because they don't have this knowledge and don't even try to assume control. Google FIRE and read couple articles.


Yes, you have control over your major depression, I just gave you one tip. Losing weight is simple if you know how to do it the right way. I can help you.


Yes, you don't have control over the stigma, neither does anyone on the spectrum. You have control over how you choose to react to this stigma, whether you let it to discourage you from doing something. You have control at least over your physical shape, women find fit people more attractive. Genetic factors are not some fixed things, gene expression depends on external triggers, you have control over a lot of these things.


Did you try to get as fit as you realistically can? I don't think so.



You get cause and effect wrong. Right now depression makes you unattractive and makes you feel hopeless. You believe the reason is rejection, but this is just rationalization, this is effect of your ongoing depression, not it's cause.

Like I already said, I'm fully aware that your depressed brain would try to reject and dismiss this tip, but there is still hope you can make a RATIONAL decision to try it despite having overwhelming IRRATIONAL feelings against doing so and urge to rationalize these feelings by coming up with another excuse.