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Dating profile, part 2

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Jono
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11 Dec 2010, 5:12 pm

Volodja wrote:
I don't see how not revealing AS on a dating site is dishonest. There are no written rules about what you should or shouldn't put in your profile, so imo it's up to you personally what you feel comfortable with sharing on a public profile.

I do mention my AS in my okcupid profile though, but mainly just because I don't wanna have the hassle of bringing it up later on (I also mention that I am transgendered for the same reason, although I guess that is more important than the AS)

To be fair though, I am not as bothered about dating as most of the other guys on here seem to be, so I'm not gonna sit here worrrying that listing my AS is gonna put girls off. If it does, then it does. I'm not really active on there anymore anyway


May main focus was to try to get a date. I guess dating would be more of a big deal for me than it is for you because I seriously do want have a long-term relationship with someone. It doesn't help that I've never really dated before though.



Volodja
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11 Dec 2010, 5:15 pm

I want a long term relationship with someone as well, I'm just not desperate for it to happen asap.



hyperlexian
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11 Dec 2010, 5:17 pm

what seems "different"? your description of yourself and your interests is very played down. you don't use superlatives and expressive language. which may be honest, but might not be the most effective way to sell a product (you).

reading your profile, i found it underwhelming in the way it is sort of matter-of-fact and precise. i would not know what to think if i encountered it except perhaps i would consider that you may be underselling yourself, or that you have some issues around self-confidence. i would wonder if you are passionate about anything, as most people do have some passions. also, your interests are very narrowly focused.

so i would find your profile a little "different" but i would not know why.

consider these two possiblities:

A: i am passionate about all types of science, but especially my first love: physics! expect long and interesting debates on the origins of the universe and the workings therein.

B: I've got an interest in science (mostly physics but sometimes other fields as well) and like talking about it.

(i had noted this before but i didn't want to be too critical. and i wanted to first see whether your current profile generated much success. i am not an expert.).



... hey, as an aside, i made a profile too, just to see whether i matched up with people i know. we are a low 50% match, which makes perfect sense when you consider we don't really see eye-to-eye lol.


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Jono
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11 Dec 2010, 5:27 pm

Volodja wrote:
I want a long term relationship with someone as well, I'm just not desperate for it to happen asap.


I'm not desperate either but I do want to increase the chances of finding someone in the first place.



Jono
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11 Dec 2010, 5:36 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
what seems "different"? your description of yourself and your interests is very played down. you don't use superlatives and expressive language. which may be honest, but might not be the most effective way to sell a product (you).

reading your profile, i found it underwhelming in the way it is sort of matter-of-fact and precise. i would not know what to think if i encountered it except perhaps i would consider that you may be underselling yourself, or that you have some issues around self-confidence. i would wonder if you are passionate about anything, as most people do have some passions. also, your interests are very narrowly focused.

so i would find your profile a little "different" but i would not know why.

consider these two possiblities:

A: i am passionate about all types of science, but especially my first love: physics! expect long and interesting debates on the origins of the universe and the workings therein.

B: I've got an interest in science (mostly physics but sometimes other fields as well) and like talking about it.

(i had noted this before but i didn't want to be too critical. and i wanted to first see whether your current profile generated much success. i am not an expert.).



... hey, as an aside, i made a profile too, just to see whether i matched up with people i know. we are a low 50% match, which makes perfect sense when you consider we don't really see eye-to-eye lol.


Don't worry about being too critical. I asked for advice on my profile initially so that I could improve it. Point take about the being too formal and not using superlatives. As for the the interests being narrow, they are narrow because what I've listed are some of my special interests as an aspie. Isn't having narrow intense interests one of the manifestations of the criteria in the DSM? Because I seem to recall that.



hyperlexian
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11 Dec 2010, 5:45 pm

Jono wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
what seems "different"? your description of yourself and your interests is very played down. you don't use superlatives and expressive language. which may be honest, but might not be the most effective way to sell a product (you).

reading your profile, i found it underwhelming in the way it is sort of matter-of-fact and precise. i would not know what to think if i encountered it except perhaps i would consider that you may be underselling yourself, or that you have some issues around self-confidence. i would wonder if you are passionate about anything, as most people do have some passions. also, your interests are very narrowly focused.

so i would find your profile a little "different" but i would not know why.

consider these two possiblities:

A: i am passionate about all types of science, but especially my first love: physics! expect long and interesting debates on the origins of the universe and the workings therein.

B: I've got an interest in science (mostly physics but sometimes other fields as well) and like talking about it.

(i had noted this before but i didn't want to be too critical. and i wanted to first see whether your current profile generated much success. i am not an expert.).



... hey, as an aside, i made a profile too, just to see whether i matched up with people i know. we are a low 50% match, which makes perfect sense when you consider we don't really see eye-to-eye lol.


Don't worry about being too critical. I asked for advice on my profile initially so that I could improve it. Point take about the being too formal and not using superlatives. As for the the interests being narrow, they are narrow because what I've listed are some of my special interests as an aspie. Isn't having narrow intense interests one of the manifestations of the criteria in the DSM? Because I seem to recall that.

yes... but without saying you're an Aspie, the person would not know that there is a good reason for the narrow interests. it just looks "different".


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Jono
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12 Dec 2010, 9:03 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Jono wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
what seems "different"? your description of yourself and your interests is very played down. you don't use superlatives and expressive language. which may be honest, but might not be the most effective way to sell a product (you).

reading your profile, i found it underwhelming in the way it is sort of matter-of-fact and precise. i would not know what to think if i encountered it except perhaps i would consider that you may be underselling yourself, or that you have some issues around self-confidence. i would wonder if you are passionate about anything, as most people do have some passions. also, your interests are very narrowly focused.

so i would find your profile a little "different" but i would not know why.

consider these two possiblities:

A: i am passionate about all types of science, but especially my first love: physics! expect long and interesting debates on the origins of the universe and the workings therein.

B: I've got an interest in science (mostly physics but sometimes other fields as well) and like talking about it.

(i had noted this before but i didn't want to be too critical. and i wanted to first see whether your current profile generated much success. i am not an expert.).



... hey, as an aside, i made a profile too, just to see whether i matched up with people i know. we are a low 50% match, which makes perfect sense when you consider we don't really see eye-to-eye lol.


Don't worry about being too critical. I asked for advice on my profile initially so that I could improve it. Point take about the being too formal and not using superlatives. As for the the interests being narrow, they are narrow because what I've listed are some of my special interests as an aspie. Isn't having narrow intense interests one of the manifestations of the criteria in the DSM? Because I seem to recall that.

yes... but without saying you're an Aspie, the person would not know that there is a good reason for the narrow interests. it just looks "different".


Hmm, I don't know how I would fix that though. I can't say in my profile that I'm interested in something I'm not. It may look different but I didn't think it would attract suspicion since I thought that being passionate about physics, for example, would be pretty normal for a physicist. Also, many people like sci-fi etc.



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14 Dec 2010, 3:27 pm

Yet another person who replies to my message, but replies with just an answer to my question as though not inviting a reply back. Like there's some disinterest. Hyperlexian, I think you're right. I'll see if I can ask my psychiatrist again and see if he can help me improve my profile.



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14 Dec 2010, 8:25 pm

online dating (or any kind of dating) is so hard.


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15 Dec 2010, 4:04 am

I get really confused by the whole "selling yourself" thing. I've never ever done it, in fact I tend to be a bit self-depreciating when describing myself. I always try to put my own voice into what I write, and that includes a dating profile. If you change your profile too much to make yourself look more interesting/engaging/exciting or whatever, to me that's kind of more of a "lie" than not revealing that you have AS. Because when you meet someone in person, they will see that the way you present yourself in real life is not like how you appear in your profile.

If your profile does reflect your real life personality, then I'd mention that in there, describe what your personality is like. To me, you come across in your profile as a serious sort of person. Is that accurate? If so, I wouldn't change it too drastically in terms of adding jokes or exclamation marks, etc. If you are not a particularly serious person, then yeah, change it a bit to show what type of sense of humour you have or something like that.

I have no idea if my perspective is a good one to have, but I feel that my profile on okcupid is true to my self, and I get compliments about it (people tell me it's a bit "different" to a lot of others they see).



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15 Dec 2010, 10:22 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
I get really confused by the whole "selling yourself" thing. I've never ever done it, in fact I tend to be a bit self-depreciating when describing myself. I always try to put my own voice into what I write, and that includes a dating profile. If you change your profile too much to make yourself look more interesting/engaging/exciting or whatever, to me that's kind of more of a "lie" than not revealing that you have AS. Because when you meet someone in person, they will see that the way you present yourself in real life is not like how you appear in your profile.

If your profile does reflect your real life personality, then I'd mention that in there, describe what your personality is like. To me, you come across in your profile as a serious sort of person. Is that accurate? If so, I wouldn't change it too drastically in terms of adding jokes or exclamation marks, etc. If you are not a particularly serious person, then yeah, change it a bit to show what type of sense of humour you have or something like that.

I have no idea if my perspective is a good one to have, but I feel that my profile on okcupid is true to my self, and I get compliments about it (people tell me it's a bit "different" to a lot of others they see).

i agree that he should not change it if it is not accurate. he wanted to know what came across as "different", and that was part of it. it comes across as odd, and my point is that when women do not know what could be creating the difference, then it may put them off.


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Jono
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16 Dec 2010, 2:10 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
I get really confused by the whole "selling yourself" thing. I've never ever done it, in fact I tend to be a bit self-depreciating when describing myself. I always try to put my own voice into what I write, and that includes a dating profile. If you change your profile too much to make yourself look more interesting/engaging/exciting or whatever, to me that's kind of more of a "lie" than not revealing that you have AS. Because when you meet someone in person, they will see that the way you present yourself in real life is not like how you appear in your profile.

If your profile does reflect your real life personality, then I'd mention that in there, describe what your personality is like. To me, you come across in your profile as a serious sort of person. Is that accurate? If so, I wouldn't change it too drastically in terms of adding jokes or exclamation marks, etc. If you are not a particularly serious person, then yeah, change it a bit to show what type of sense of humour you have or something like that.

I have no idea if my perspective is a good one to have, but I feel that my profile on okcupid is true to my self, and I get compliments about it (people tell me it's a bit "different" to a lot of others they see).

i agree that he should not change it if it is not accurate. he wanted to know what came across as "different", and that was part of it. it comes across as odd, and my point is that when women do not know what could be creating the difference, then it may put them off.


I do have a sense of humour in real life. Though I guess that putting exclamation marks and stuff like that in my profile is just not my writing style. My sense of humour in real life is more spontaneous, I don't have specific jokes.



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01 Jan 2011, 3:50 pm

Ok, I haven't given any updates in a while. I've just sent messages to 4 different people. I hope I will get lucky with one of them though. I wonder if I can ask that DC Merlin guy for advice on how to improve my profile. I've read his guide to OKCupid.



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01 Jan 2011, 3:53 pm

Well your braver then me. I'm too much of a shy numpty to just message people out of the blue.

Hi please don't be alarmed i'm not a creepy twat, but then every creepy twat on the internet says their not a creepy twat when they clearly are as they usually are typing this with one hand fappin off to repeats of a walt disney film on their mothers television with the other.

Hopefully your messages didn't quite come across like that.



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01 Jan 2011, 3:57 pm

Laz wrote:
Well your braver then me. I'm too much of a shy numpty to just message people out of the blue.

Hi please don't be alarmed i'm not a creepy twat, but then every creepy twat on the internet says their not a creepy twat when they clearly are as they usually are typing this with one hand fappin off to repeats of a walt disney film on their mothers television with the other.

Hopefully your messages didn't quite come across like that.

i seriously lol'd. really, that is pretty hilarious!



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01 Jan 2011, 4:01 pm

If I started sending messages like that on okcupid i think i would probably be met with a great void of an empty inbox for quite sometime.

On the otherhand (pun fully intended) there are some right weirdos on my visitors list. I count at least half a dozen casual sex/swinger types.

I should send them a message with a file of me singing this

I wanna be like you