"Friends with benefits" is nonsense.

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[Homer J Simpson]Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, meaningless water.. *drools*[/HJS]

I think that it just leads to people getting hurt in the end. I believe my brother is into such things because he was engaged to be married and cheated on his fiance with 2 different women and got one pregnant. The second one he hooked up with right after the engagement dissolved and anytime someone gets out of an engagement to jump into something else that fast is not normal.

I am in FwB relationship and currently thinking about ending it because I got bored and because I found someone I like (BTW, I don't mind if the new relationship becomes FwB, we date or stay mere friends - for now I am just building a friendship with him while observing our chemistry, once I figure out my feelings are real and he is interested I will make the suggestion and see where it goes).

I plan to stay friends with my current FwB if he is OK with it (he probably is, because he said he wants to hang out with me even if we don't do anything). He was in love with me before (we were friends for 5 years before getting into FwB relationship and he tried to become my boyfriend 3 times during the period of time, getting dumped each time). The FwB was a compromise I come up with eventually. I clearly told him I will definitely not fall in love with him and that I will be just using him to learn about sex (because I were and still am a virgin - we ended up just messing around, without actual sex). He was the one who agreed to take that offer. I wouldn't care either way (he could choose to stay friends with me or leave me) and I didn't force him - so I think it was fair. And I hope he cured himself from this pointless love by now.

I don't regret the FwB relationship - I learned a lot, I am more confident about my body and less embarrassed now. The thought of someone seeing me changing clothes doesn't terrify me anymore like it used to, for example.
I also know my likes and dislikes now and know what to pay attention to when choosing my next partner.
Sure. Having sex or messing around with someone you actually like must feel much better and I regret it couldn't be like that but I was 28 year old, curious about sex, not in love with anyone and bad at starting new relationships so I took what was available. And it was still a pretty good experience, despite no chemistry.


I think people mistake "FwB" relationship with "booty calls".
FwB are friends first (they care about each other, spend time together on fun things, are part of the same group of friends etc), the sex part is just a bonus. Storge followed by Ludus.
Booty call partners meet up just for sex and that's it, no strings attached. Ludus.
As for dating: it's Eros followed by Storge.
And ideal love is Eros+Storge+Ludus.

Your brother is a real alpha male though; having 3 women liking him at the same time (before he f****d up everything) isn’t even possible for the regular man.

I think the two other women were aware of fiancee, no? or was he hiding the ring?

And that’s what I and probably quite a few more male posters mean on this forum when we say there’s a very real difference between us and women who were similarly deprived of early access to dating: as soon as noöne is anymore in a position to keep you locked from the outside world, you start gaining experience. You may not find what you want right away, but you get to learn. There’s no way this can be worse than having no chance to learn or make any progress at all.

But as soon as you say this, you’re drowned out with accusations of misogyny and your point is systematically distorted into a denial of the problems women face, radically different from ours. Attempts to clarify your position are futile, as they just repeat the procedure.

Well, I am not sure if it helps but the FwB mentioned is 27-28yo guy that only dated once before and that I would say is even worse than me in some fields (understanding speech in loud areas for example).
And he isn't good looking and he is overweight.
But he managed to get a FwB - me - and gain some experiences. By being nice, understanding and presistent.
To be honest I wouldn't mind dating him for real if he was more my type and if we were more compatible physically (I suppose he is undersensitive to touch, humidity and temperature while I am oversensitive to those). Or if I didn't care for sex and just wanted someone to live with.

Your mileage might vary, but it's certainly not impossible for the so-called regular man.

How does a male Aspie get friends with benefits? There is a stigma for male Aspies for finding potential dates and making friends with opposite sex. I have lot of female friends but they rarely see me more than friends either physically nor a relationship.

I can tell if there male Aspies here saying they have friends with benefits, they are more likely alpha males. Its super rare to come across the comparison with NT males who don't need to be an alpha male to have friends with benefits.

How it seems impossible for a male Aspie not get attracted by a female? No matter if she is NT or not.

Be friends, communicate interest and be desirable enough to have interest reciprocated.

The guy I am interested in now is an Aspie and he doesn't seem to be an alpha male.
But he is hot! Well... at least he is totally my type looks wise. I didn't believe in "the love at the first sight" but my heart literally skipped a beat and mind went on high when I first saw him. I had to control myself from jumping him.

So this is one way. Be her type. And types vary, my type is pretty unique one - I only saw 2 males like this in my whole life, one of them on a TV screen.

The other ways is what my FwB did - be friends, be nice and ask her about dating (or sex) every now and then, without pushing if she doesn't agree. Just make sure to plant the idea in her mind and remind her every now and then or you will stay normal friends forever. Just because she said "no" once doesn't mean she wont change her mind a few months from now.

And there is probably much more ways out there.

BTW. A little of a off-topic but there is a new anime currently airing - Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii - and the male lead seems to be an aspie (stoic face otaku with a special interest in games). He managed to get a gf by convincing her that she needs a bf that will accept her otaku interests and by promising to help her with her work and games. "Deal." - she said. There is not much progress yet but I find their relationship really cute and interesting. And they were friends first.

If we could do thst we’d get girlfriends

From what I’ve seen, women Justine wanting sex are far more picky then those wanting relationships. Thyenwant a well off man, who’s handsome, fit, has own place and car, but add he has to have a large penis.

I am still looking at this way of how females pick males. Looks quite biased and flawed. So what about guys who aren't good looking? Extraverted or Introverted? Shy? A nerd or similar stereotypes? I am seeing the way how my friends pick is based on physical looks and social status rather than personality and the type of the person.

This seems proven that discrimination is true. Like 'he got a disability', presuming he won't be good at sex hence make things awkward. That is kind of prejudice. I am not going to say women should not have a choice but they must learn respecting males who aren't the types would think they dominate the society. Like alpha males, macho, party animals, high social class and that etc.

I find this is rather offensive. I can't become like other guys said as listed. I am being me, being myself by who I am. I am not changing myself. I choose to protect myself, my identity and my passions. I am not going to be like those typical teenagers or young adults trying to stereotype themselves becoming like others. Getting tattoos, drinking alcohol, piercing, pick up lines and pretending. This seems rather illogical and damaging to society reputation against humanity.

If I am asking myself to be attractive. How it can be? How I make myself attractive to 'get women to accept to have sex with me?'. Its impossible, because it the way who I am, as being myself who I am. I can't be that guy who have good looks, forcing myself taking Botox or some kind of surgery to get my looks better. Am I am stupid to take this approach? Is it what women want?

Being an Aspie for who I am by being intelligent, logical, honest, direct, straightforward and organised is bad thing? No, it makes me happy because it who I am as I accepting myself. It makes me to achieve things. Imagine if I am a NT. I wouldn't be like this successful at all. I have heard stories of Aspie guys getting dates and marriage. That is pure luck because it depends on their demographics where they live by taking time and place to make it possible. Where I live its a city of 2.3million. It full of diversity from all walks of life. I have been attending so many social events because of my passions. I am running a social enterprise business because its my passion and experience. I have met thousands and thousands of women. Pretty funny business the majority of Aspie women here are taken and in relationships. Never seen a single one in sight. The NTs ones I couldn't pick them because majority of them are extroverted, cocky, party animals and things makes me uncomfortable and overwhelming. Their lifestyles is like narcissistic, high social status and expecting someone to be good for them.

So I am stuck between being friends forever, the bad luck dating pool and being left out. This is obvious in comparison seeing on other forums, Reddit, Quora and related websites on topics of someone who are being single, never had date nor sex in their late 20's and into 30's. They are mostly NTs, and their experiences are different to mine, which their are majority similar to other NTs. They are socially anxious, insecure, have depression issues and live in religious households. I don't have similar challenges as them. Only I come across a same is to Aspie males like seen on WP forums.

So is it prejudice from females against Aspie males? Or Aspie males' personality and behaviour reflects as too negative and whingers? I find this a double standard to NTs who whinge a lot about being a virgin or dateless they still ended up having sex. How so? It because they don't have barriers in communication and reading social cues unlike us Aspies are living in different perspective.

See my point? Whose at fault here? Our disabilities? Or the way how society falls into technological and societal flaws and bias?

Any discussion of "how women pick men" that's based on the assumption that women all have the same standards, desires, and system for picking men is fatally flawed from the very beginning.

If I posted all the time griping about how "all men" will reject me because I'm not 5'6" with a thigh gap and D-cup breasts, flowing blonde hair, and flexible enough to put my heels behind my ears, I'd sound stupid...because different men are looking for different things in women.

Different women are also looking for different things in men.

There is a society standard that most women use. A man has to have his life together which mostly means money wise. Those of the majority might have different physical likes or personality likes but they all(of that majority) seem to go by the society standards of judging men as worthy of dating or not.
A poor man who works min wage or is unemployed and rides the bus or bikes won’t get any success from those women. I know from experience. Last women don’t see me as datable cause my income, the ones who say I’d be a good boyfriend are all in relationships so it’s probably just talk. Or maybe they think my other traits would be good bf material but it doesn’t make up for not having my life together at 30.
Could a woman be with me and be happy I think yes but non will so it’s mute point. People don’t need tons of fancy things, cars, big house etc to be happy.

But people don't want the bare minimum either. Why should a girl date you if she can get with someone who makes more and she finds more physically attractive?

Nobody wants to be in a relationship where theu constantly hear 'I don't have the money' from their partner, especially if that partner is male. It might not be fair but that's how it is.