Would you dump someone who got fat?

Post Reply New Topic

you would realise that ahead of time though. we are talking about someone that you must be compatible with already, so you would be leaving them because they are fat. that is really sad to me. it makes the whole relationship hang on something physical.

sure they can. but in most cases they don't really want to.

That is called desperation and settling.

no, it doesn't have to be called that. fat people are not below thin people, just different. i'd call it being more open-minded. you are definitely reinforcing what i was saying - people don't WANT to change their preferences.

Why would I want to settle? I'm not that desperate.

It is worded differently, but what you are saying and I'm saying is the same thing.

It requires Party 'A' to consciously come to the conclusion that without lowering their standards/widening their preferences they won't get a mate. In the short term this may be beneficial to party 'B' due to now having a new potential mate who is interested in them. but unless the change is either genuine, or so late in life, party 'A' will likely eventually stray and start looking for someone else.

Last edited by rabbittss on 12 May 2012, 10:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

it's not settling, and it doesn't involve desperation... because fat people aren't objectively less attractive than thin people.

They are, to me.

There is such a thing as too thin, too.

I tend not to be that picky, but there are things that are just not attractive. My list of unattractive things won't necessarily match someone else's.

If you look at paintings of naked women from several hundred years ago, they all tend to be rather curvy. I'd guess that men from that culture would not like our supermodels much.


Attraction can certainly change. You can also be attracted to someone who has characteristics that you normally find somewhat unattractive.

I dislike short hair, blonde hair, and curly hair. One of the most attractive girls I've seen has short, curly, blonde hair.

Given a choice between a girl who was a sweetheart but overweight, and a girl who was a drop-dead gorgeous hottie but a b***h, I'd take the sweetheart for sure. There are limits on how much overweight I could go, though.

that is pretty much exactly what DW was talking about when she expressed it as a social problem. you are using language that expresses that there is something wrong with fat people, whereas they just aren't your taste.

But. There. Is. Something. Wrong. With. Them.



Just like there is something wrong with me and you or we wouldn't be on this website.

Im bwoken

My dating criteria for women is about 27-28 BMI (BMI is dumb, but yes) and about 30% bodyfat. I think I'm being reasonable, as I'm about 17-20% BF, and women get an extra 10% as if they drop to 10% they stop menstruating.

If my partner became fat, if it was at the same rate as me, I wouldn't care. Basically, I'd expect of her equivalence to myself. As far as if we're married, you know, the vows are "in sickness and in health" and fatness is a sickness, so yeah. You know, I'd be stuck then. I certainly wouldn't be happy with it, and I'd try to encourage exercise and dieting and stuff, but if that's no go, then...no go, I gotta suck it up and live with it. I do plan on marrying, though, and not just living with my girlfriend and having kids like it seems most people do nowadays, due to the collapse of American society.

As far as a girlfriend, though... I'm pretty active of a person, and basically I'm so vested into my athletic hobbies that normal people basically think I'm nuts. So I think that'd be an obstacle to a lot of relationships for me. Everyone in my house thinks I'm weird for being at all nutritionally or exercise conscious. So I'm assuming most other people would think the same. So even if a girl who played WoW and ate Cheetos 18 hours a day was initially attracted to me, I don't think it'd work as it'd just be a hobby/interest clash. They'd have to be at the very least tolerant of my health consciousness, and I can't imagine too many girls who'd be tolerant toward my skating, gym going, and homecooking if they weren't already doing something similar.

Since my weight has fluctuated in life, being sorta "fat" for a lot of my adolescence into adulthood, I know what the reasons are behind people getting fat, and I know how hard losing weight is, so I'm empathetic to a point, but if people can't be bothered to try to live a healthy life, you know, I can't "make" them. The other thing, too, I've seen girls who are sorta "fat" but are still athletic as all hell, a girl like that I'd probably get along with more than a skinnyfat party girl who once she hits 35 will turn into a blob.

I think, though, if I was married, and about 40 years old or so, and wasn't skating anymore, and Godwilling my body still works correctly, I'd just eat like mad and go into heavyweight or superheavyweight class in powerlifting or Olympic lifting. That'd be sweet. I don't wanna look like that at 20, as that'd just suck, but if you're 40 or 50 or so, hey, the wife is stuck with you, you know? Women, would you be pissed if your man decided to look like this at age 40 for the sake of picking heavy things up and putting them down?

Well, no. There's actually been plenty of times that I didn't realize until too late that a woman did not actually have the other qualities I was looking for.



Being a bit more frank about it, are you saying that I should give up, for the rest of my life, the possibility of having a fulfilling sex life? Because that's what I'd be doing by choosing to stay with someone I was no longer physically attracted to.

I put effort into ensuring that my partner is fulfilled. Including maintaining my appearance at a certain standard (not that I have that much to work with, but I do the best I can with what I got) so that she'll continue to find me attractive. And I do not find this a particularly onerous burden. When she gives me some sign that I'm succeeding, I take great pleasure in that. Why should I not expect the same consideration in return?

And bear in mind here, even if we may disagree about what others were talking about, that I've already established that I'm not talking about weight gain from pregnancy, or getting older, or anything that is out of her control. Nor am I talking about expecting her to meet some ridiculous, media inspired standard. I am talking about a partner who allows herself, through negligence, to go through a dramatic change that she knows I find unappealing. One who, when concerns are expressed and help is offered, chooses to remain on the same course.

Last edited by mds_02 on 12 May 2012, 11:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Can you please tell me how one would go about that. The idea that someone could choose to be attracted to something that previously they found unappealing is baffling to me. I can't wrap my head around the concept.

Well, think of it this way. What would you say to someone who went around making shopping decisions based completely on the packaging, and apparently being incapable of grasping that he should be buying the corn flakes, not the box they come in?

And what would you think of such a person if we lived in a future where the packaging changed over time?