Aspie1 wrote:
Before I catch any heat from other WP-ers, I want to make it 100% clear that I have plenty of respect for women overall. First, there's my mother, sister, aunt, etc. Second, I have no problem interacting with women in work and social situations, and oftentimes, a mixed company is more fun than an a single-gender company, even if sex is the very last thing that will happen. Third, there's no way I'll go out to a club and dance with a dude, let alone go further. The only place I've danced with men (in a group) is at a Jewish wedding, where that's part of the ceremony procedures.
HOWEVER, I feel true fear and loathing toward a person who's not even a part of my life yet! (And probably never will be.) That person is my future wife. I suppose the fear and loathing also extends toward my future long-term girlfriend. Somehow, I keep having visions of her doing these things:
* Vandalizing my car in retaliation for something I did, then denying everything
* Making me sleep on the couch after an argument
* Abusing me every day, both verbally and physically
* Screaming at me for hours on end, then saying I deserved it all
* Formatting my computer after getting angry at me for forgetting her birthday, then laughing in my face about it
* Cheating on me with a man who's more alpha than me
* Emptying out my bank account in the divorce proceedings
* "Trapping" me with a pregnancy without my knowledge
* Putting up my information and photos on DontDateHimGirl .com
This has caused to take some extreme precautions with new women I date, engaging in actions bordering those I fear. I suppose there will be people who'll say "Maybe that's why you're alone!" But it's either that or losing a car I'm still making payments on.
* Finding out her last name one way or another, in case I have to report her to the police
* Parking my car in well-lit, heavily-trafficked area, to deter her from vandalizing it
* Hiding everything in my home that's irreplaceable or contains bank account information when she comes over
* Breaking off everything at the first instance she raises her voice at me
* Using plastic plates (albeit the good kind) to serve meals at my place, so she doesn't break it if she gets angry
Somehow, I had no such feelings toward women I've dated casually, or during flings when traveling. Also never had such feelings toward my female friends, as well as women in platonic contexts (work, dance lessons, sports groups, etc). Then I have no problem enjoying their company as human beings, without a worry in the world other than treating them with decency. Quite a few women in those contexts even said I was "so much fun". I also have no problem enjoying the company of seeing escorts, which isn't exactly platonic, but hey.
I suppose the media is to blame for all this. For the past 20 years, TV shows have been largely anti-male, with inordinate numbers of women flat-out destroying their romantic partners by their behavior. YouTube posts of women trashing their boyfriend's car because he forgot their anniversary are adding fuel to the fire as well. I'm sure they're meant to warn men to remember anniversaries better, but they're only deterring me from entering a relationship in the first place. (Ironically, a lot of foreign films and telenovelas show men, not women, doing this.)
So, yeah! I can't be the only aspie man who feels this way.
In other words, you are afraid you will fall into a relationship with a violent, abusive woman, much the same as women fear they will fall into a relationship with a violent, abusive, male.
I will not say these dangerous people don't exist, they do. However it's important to keep in mind that they exist as minorities. Avoiding them, requires some degree of ability to gauge people, and luck. In any case, you should not enter into a relationship if they stress you so. I recommend getting some counseling to help you properly address you fears and work on skills that will help you better gauge people, and deal with interpersonal conflict. I also recommend you clear your browser's cache, cookies, and history. Websites use this information to determine what content to show you. If you look up videos on crazy women, youtube will continue to bombard you with such videos every time you visit the site, and news websites will do much the same. You may even start seeing advertisements on the subject. It will make these women and incidents involving them seem much more common than they actually are.
A woman possessing the negative traits you fear would actually most likely be a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder, and not your typical woman. The anti-thesis to such a woman would likely be a woman with Asperger's Syndrome.
23 May 2015, 10:05 am
