If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about those of us who haven't had success at dating. It's quite possible to be successful professionally and have a few friends and still face constant rejection at dating.

Lol. No wonder jou can't get a girlfriend. Don't think any sane woman would want to date a man with such a defensive attitude.

I think it's better if men start to learn to put some financial requirement pressure on them ie. I wouldn't continue dating you if you keep earning less than x.

(dutch language humor, for those wondering)

Last edited by Uprising on 03 May 2015, 4:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I thought rdos is married.

You just described me in my late teens, early twenties. But in my early/mid teens I had more severe social anxiety and letting the girl be the "initiator" wasn't enough. Girls used to ask me out and I would turn them down. I've been kicking myself for that for years and I think I'll go on doing it for years more.

You're right. When the girl asks, it makes it easier for the shy guy... most of them time

In that case he should cling on to that woman as tight as possible. A dime a dozen.

Yeah, not just initiating the first date but initiating every stage after that. Yes, that gives the man a certain degree of freedom but sometimes it doesn't feel like freedom. The problem with initiating every stage is that you never know if you're going too fast for her. You play it cautiously and then you find out you've been going way too slow.

It's hard when you can't read people but you can't treat women like they're delicate fabergé eggs. You won't break her. You can't go through your whole courtship never even touching her hand. She won't cry rape just because you tried to kiss her.

It tool me far too long to learn that going to fast is not as bad as going to slow. If you take it too fast the girl will typically gently tell you to slow it down a bit. If you go too slow, the girl will think you don't like her.

what o.o
no you can not choose everything about you. being ambitious is a personality trait you're either born with it or not. just like some people will run when faced with conflict while others will push forward and attack. not everyone can be a navy seal. you can't choose to be one, you have to be born with what it takes to be one. you either have drive to climb to the top or not. this is why some people are lazy others extremely active. if people could choose their personality no doubt we'd all be donald trumps or george clooney. do you really think anyone wants to be a fat loser? ambition is just a personality trait just like being good at tech or being a natural singer, or math genius.
ambition is drive and determination to always go higher. there's certainly levels of it. some are extremely ambitious others have none, some like me have some but not a extreme. even with extreme ambition it can be seen as ambition or not depending one what you put it to. in the usa its solely a climb the work ladder thing. so if you put it into a hobby people don't count it.

I don't admire people with ambition. I think they waste their lives and live in constant stress. they always have to have something to work towards, so when they reach the top say CEO of a company they feel lost. then leave and start something new. they'll never satisfied with life unless they're working their way up. theres a guy makes great games but then quits and starts a new one.because the game is great and there's no way to go up anymore so he starts a new one.
not hating on them, they have ambition and can't help but have that drive. Its just not the life for me.

idk lots of people here do. proposers for example get paid for 40 hours a week but work way more then that. I see people saying they work 80+ a week. usa is all about work work and more work. you work til you die and then someone else replaces you.

I don't compare myself to other guys. women do that quite a bit enough, so I don't have to. I really am not competitive. I don't want a job cause other guys have it, I don't want a gf cause other guys have one. I don't care that the guy over there makes 3 times what I do. I wasn't born with that competitive drive.

well i live life to love and have a family, though that's not going happen. so i don't' want to live life much longer. i think i do good at customer service jobs compared to other aspies, cause I was born to please others. I'm romantic to make a woman happy. quite possible one of the only things I'm great at and I'll never get to actually do it. apparently Id make a good bf and dad, people say. doesn't matter though. anyways life is more then just one thing, this is why living for work doesn't work. nor living for hobbies. life is a combination of things. I go to work and take pride in it and do my best at whatever job I have. I love my hobbies. those things alone a life don't make. 2/3 of a puzzle missing a piece.

no lol. choice is when you have two or more options. so a girl being asked out by 40 guys has a choice. a guy asking and being rejected by 39 women and accepted by 1. doesn't have a choice. well does be alone forever or accept the only girl who can like you. but not the choice you're talking about. women can ask guys out too. its quite easy they message them or walk up and ask them out. but sitting back and choosing between guys is easier and safer<--- this probably being the main reason they don't. they have 0 chance of rejection with this system so its safe. mean sure guy they choose might break up later one but thats a breakup not rejection.

so been thinking people like pleanty of unemployed get gfs, pleanty of fat men get gfs etc.
and thats probably true.

types of guys
unemployed
anxious
clingy
distant
fat
ugly
as*hole
virgin over 25
etc

each of those types can and do get a gf
problem is when you have

guy A
unemployed
virgin over 25
ugly
fat
axnious

or any other combination. just fat might be ok, fat and unemployed nope. just unemployed might be ok but unemployed and fat and ugly nope.

aspies who are been without a relationship tend to be problem combination men not single issue men. we lack social stuff, then add in that causes us to be unemployed and oh no we aren't the best looking guys either. wups we lack social skills, unemployed, not good looking so we never had sex and now we're over 25. see it all starts adding together. each problem causes other problems to pile on and pile on.

same as guys are willing to date pregnant women, or not super good looking women, or clingy women, etc but a ugly , mean, pregnant, clingy woman will cause a lot of men to run away.

so yeah unemployed guys can get gfs but not if they are also fat, ugly, virgin, lack social skills, etc.
fixing those isn't so easy . as they are interlinked. if we didn't lack social skills we probably wouldn't' be unemployed and a virgin.

I can agree with that statement. One can have a successful career (in whatever it may be), yet fail miserably at dating/relationships. It does happen more often than you would think.

Sometimes, it is the career choice that drives them away, not the amount of money earned. In my experiences, most women in the US who I have met do not like scientists at all due to certain stereotypes that have been passed down from the ages. When I am introduced as a doctor at events, they automatically assume "a medical doctor = big wallet". But, when I explain that I am a chemical doctor, they think "Doctor Jeckyl" or "Doctor Frankenstein" instead. I guess I should hide my education sometimes, but I do not like to lie to others.

Sly you were right on with the comment about girl gamers.. personally I can think of no better way to spend a weekday night than snuggled up with someone, kicking their ass (or at least attempting to!) on tekken, or swapping stories about experiences with single player games. Gaming is a hobby much like any other, and it's only the attitude of the general population that makes it seem less acceptable for some reason. So long as it's not the ONLY thing you do, then I've never understood why it should be taboo to game. In fact the only decent conversations I've ever had with NT's, where I've really felt like I struck up some kind of rapport, revolved around reminiscing over old games, the one's my age group grew up with as kids.

It's obsession that's unhealthy, not the type of hobby itself. I'm not even sure whether the general population is even being honest with itself when it looks down on certain hobbies, because it seems more people are involved than not, and once you coax them to admit as much it just seems like any other hobby. Stigma about this seems to already be pretty outdated tbh. Not sure if I'm just extremely lucky, or whether it's a UK thing, but being a 'nerd' about something is really becoming the norm, and it seems like people are encouraged to admit this, and talk about it with like minded people. Hell I could even talk about Star Trek at my last job and even people who never watched it weren't giving me any strange looks over it, probably because they have their own little nerd things and can respect mine. XD

Sorry tangent happened, I'm just not very good at expressing things unless I just hammer out a big wall of text and hope the point is made within somewhere. ^^'

Well that sucks. Especially since I'm going to be (non-medical) doctor someday too...

I don't know how much help i will be, but feel the need to try. Your comments sound all to familiar to me, although i found my first girlfriend at 21, i was already having the same thoughts you have shared.

My solution was to try internet dating, it let me process what was being said first as the initial 'flirting' was done on email, let us get to know each other first without the social pressure. the only tip i have here though is don't give up hope, its not a quick process, there are a lot of scammers on these sites that muddy the waters and can take a shot at your confidence, but there are real people on there and given time you can find someone.

At the time i was not diagnosed, but in hindsight i can clearly see where my struggles came form and how this strategy helped overcome my challenges.

I do not want to get you depressed, just something that I have noticed. Being called a doctor is not always as cracked up as you think it would be.

I've tried online dating and have no desire to do so again. It takes way too much effort and is simply a miserable experience unless you enjoy repeated rejection, fades, getting ignored and doing most of the work.


Well, I didn't expect that women would suddenly become interested in me when I get my PhD anyway. I imagine things will mostly be the same as they are now.