Oh girls have it so much worse....

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OP, check the gender ratios of suicides and you'll know which has it worse in life, overall.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 30 Jul 2015, 12:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh my ex was all that. He didn't call me names but he had negative thoughts about me and was very critical so I guess that was his verbal abuse. He would get upset with me when I wanted to talk to my parents because he was so worried about me making him come off as a control freak or as*hole and he wanted to know everything I said to them and listen in on our conversations and tell me what to say to them and he wanted me to quit talking to my friends online who were guys unless they were all aspies. He also acted controlling too making me feel I couldn't do this or that or it would upset him or make him feel sad because he really wanted me around and would miss me. He was definitely jealous.

[quote] In most countries, the majority of committed suicides are made by men but, in China, women are 40% more likely to commit suicide. Traditional gender roles in China hold women responsible for keeping the family happy and intact.[/quotes]

Also homelessness is way more common among men.

In UK, 80% of homeless are single men and so the case in many countries.

The reason is simple:
If you are a single woman and broke as s**t, you can still find a non-totally-broke husband/bf and be saved from homelessness.

but If you are a single man and broke as s**t, no woman will marry you or let you live with her without paying rent or mortgage, except maybe a homeless like you - so you end up homeless anyway.

Lol harder my ass.

would you be fine with your boy talking to and going out with other women all the time? no part of you would would be worried he might be sleeping with one of them or emotional cheating?

I think if one has no jealous they they aren't really attached to their partner and don't care if they cheat. my brothers wife cheats on him a lot with other guys she talks to online.but he just ignores it because to question any of it would be bieng jealous. I think this hatred of jealously just lets many people get away with cheating.

also why not judge people on actual signs of abuse instead of signs of love and attachment. I'm not an abuser.

I never said you were an abuser. I don't even know you and I have never even met you so I cannot judge you. But if you keep justifying abuse and making excuses for it and trivializing it saying why it's not abuse, it is going to make me think otherwise. There is at least one other member here whom I think is an abuser and for a while I gave them the benefit of the doubt and then my thoughts were proven correctly when they trivialized abuse and acted like it doesn't exist.

My husband talks to women online from his game and that doesn't bother me. My dad has friends who are women he met on his Hood to Coast team and those women were also married and had kids of their own. They have came over to our house, we have came over to one of theirs when I was a kid. I would never tell my husband he can't talk to anyone just because they are the wrong gender and I would never tell him he couldn't go somewhere because there would be women there. I would also never tell him he can't go to a group or a party because there will be women there because it was both for men and women. And I never said anything about going out with other women so what you wrote about me if I would be fine with my boy going out with other women is irrelevant and a straw man, I said my ex wanted me to quit talking to guys online who were guys and these were my online friends. Would you make your partner dump their online friends just because they are men? I hope not or tell her she can't talk to anyone online who is a guy so she must stick with women only and what if she was bisexual?

Also I think abuse occurs because the person is insecure so they accuse their partner of hitting on another man/woman and accuse them of checking them out, etc. and this is one of the signs of an abusive relationship I have read.

Most abusers have issues. Just a pattern I have seen in them.

Those do sound like red flags....but that is different than being clingy/overly infatuated with your GF and getting attached easily. What you describe is done intentionally to slowly chip away your self esteem and what not till you're just a drone they can manipulate and its definately not good if an S.O tries to get you to cut off contact with all your friends/family...I can see if they are concerned a relationship is bad for you maybe having a discussion about it with you and why they are concerned but that is different than being pushy/bullying into not talking to people. A clingy boyfriend might get sad if they don't see you for a few days...and they might be the prone to worry type who likes to at least have an idea of what you're up to so they don't worry or dwell over why you may not have called/talked to them for a couple days....but there aren't the ill intentions like with what you describe.

Okay, I was in a abusive relationship so I would advise anyone in this thread to not take things personally I say. Abusive relationships can do damage to their victims and cloud their views. I still suffer from it somewhat but still trying to get over it. My husband was patient with me when I talked about my ex a lot and he helped bring up my self esteem again and I also learned that talking badly of your ex's is a red flag so I showed false red flags myself.

Wouldn't this comment have made more sense earlier in the thread before it became common knowledge i was attempting to be satirical with the title? Also there are always exceptions to the rule...not every broke as s**t single woman can find a non-totally broke husband or bf to be saved from homelessness. Not to mention sometimes it turns out homelessness would have been preferable when it turns out said non-totally broke husband bf is an abuser that was just taking advantage of someone vulnerable? As for the second one I have seen that proven untrue more than once, or if a broke as s*** man and broke as s*** women get together then they can split resources/money. So once again you try to pass of generalizations as absolute, indisputable fact with no variations whatsoever.

you said that people ie me who get a bit clingly are a red flag for abusers and should be avoided. so how is that not judguing me and others?

how did i justifie or excuse abuse?
jealous is healthy, unhealthy jealous is abuse. there's a level system. if you aren't jealous at all then you dont' really love them as that means youd odn't care if they go and sleep with other women or date other women. probably 90% of the population gets jealous. if you start telling people what they can and can't do or where they can't go or who they can't see that's controlling, but being little jealous that your wife is always spending hours out with a guy isn't abuse. especially when so many people cheat with their opposite gender friends. the one lady had sex with all the guy friends she new when she was hanging out with them. she said she wasn' but she did.

they were all married. I'm talking about your husband doing a one on one with a atttractive and single woman. ie just him and her alone for hours or texting each ogther for hours. would you be fine with that? and if later you found out there were sexting how would you feel?

you asumed jealous = control. it doesn't. you can be jealous but still let them go do what they want.

its not a straw man we are talking about jealously being a sing of abuse. and not controling being a sign of abuse. fact is jealously alone is not a sign. it is healtyy and normal to be jealous when your'e guy goes out wtih other women all the time or flirts with women when out and about. I wasn't talking about controlling your partner.

though on the subject most women would for example be unhappy that I have female friends I'd be closer to and talk to all the time and share my emotions with and not them. would you be ok with a man having a family friend they are closer to and trust more then you?

I'm submissive I wouldn't tell her to to or not do anything. but most women come in and do just that with their bfs. you can't see those women anymore. you can't hang out with your best friend anymore. no more video games or shooting. sell all your guns. its either your life before me or me basically treating their bf like hes their kid. it this happens alot. i see it all the time with men. single men call them pussywhipped. they'll stop seeing their friend and stop doing their hobbies all for her because she didn't like them. everyone including my family is like when he gets a married he'll have to sell all his guns and games. like its so expected by society that when a relationship happens the man just gives up all htis stuff and does what the woman wants. I don't want to give up the only things that bring me happiness for some woman.

or maybe they have abandonment issues. if a guy quacks like a duck is he a duck?
you ahve to have a majority of the symptoms to be diagnosed. so one or two symptoms of abuse doesn't make an abuser. or women should avoid 80% of men. because most men will have one symptom of abusers .
I have been hurt by women and have dealt with disloyal women and seen enough disloyal women around me to feel insecure. it'll probably pass after being together for while and realizing she won't leave me, but then again my brothers wife ws with him for years and years before she started cheating. though suppose she could been doing it the whole time.

really seems to me you're making it easier for cheats since you think questioning if they flirting or being checked out is bad. how do you ever then show your concern they might be cheating. any way ou do would be looking jealous so they jsut get to cheat and if you say anything they can call you controlling.


I've been abused by women and likely will be in the future. so I don't forsee me abusing others as I always try to make them happy and keep silent.

you seem like those people who see one symptom of aspergers and assume their husband has it. hes shy he must be a aspie.

you're saying if someone is jealous they bust be abusive. but thats just one sytmptom. and without the controlling part is not abuse. one could have a few signs of abuse and still not be abusive. as many of the signs are also normal stuff that if not taken to a a abusive level aren't abuse.

Sweetleaf, your post is full of s**t already.

Note: That was satirical, I am not saying your post's content is s**t.

Btw, when I say 'broke as s**t' it means one totally has no resources at all.

my brothers wife has cut him off from everyone. he thinks according to what she said we his family all hate him. all his friends hate him. only she loves him, meanwhile shes cheating on him aiwth a bunch of guys, smacks him around(he has ms, so hes fragile) takes his medication from him(he needs daily shots) and does drugs. she's got into fights twith cops before. one case she took his cards, meds, money and threw his wheel chair over a fence so he couldn't go anywhere.

people call me clingy because when I don't hear from the girl I love and supposedly loves me back for weeks. I get upset and miss her. I prefer daily contact but its when its days or weeks without hearing that I get upset. I do miss them when they leave and i know it'll be a long while before seeing them again. so in a living together situation, them going out and stuff wouldn't' bother me. my family has to know where I'm going anytime I go out and it bothers me, why does it matter where I'm going or what I'm eating to them. Id want to go hang out with my few friends I have so why would I care if she(gf) did the same. I'd like to go shooting with them and other times shooting with just her. but sometimes Id like to go and hangout without her. I don't want to nor like spending 24/7 with a girl I did that for a week and near the end I was annoyed. I missed doing my hobbies and interests. like my post in haven there doesn't seem to be a gray zone for me. people call me clingy because I like hearing from the woman I love daily and call me distant and uncaring because I want time apart to do my hobbies and interest.

I can't go weeks with no contact or months. I'm not independent in that sense. so that makes me clingy

many people come here complain their aspie bf doesn't' pay enough attention to them. so what is it what do you all want

I understand you OP. Sadly as girls we need to be more self prepared when we go out to avoid any form of sexual abuse. Those men twice your age hitting on young girls especially when they are underaged are creepy and have no respect.

I can see what you mean by the outfit part. I am limited in what type of clothing I can wear due to my personal beliefs. It stinks when I become interested in a guy and then all of a sudden I become self conscious of things I used to never fret over such as my clothes or my hair.

That is why as of now I am working on my self and wait listed dating on my priorities list. To be honest, confidence can help attract a partner. Even though I do agree with you, I think in a way both genders get it equally bad in dating.

By acting like the behavior is okay and making it sound like it's all normal and okay and making me out to look like the crazy one. Not working with me and you are trivializing what I went through with my partner and I don't like that.

If you read my personal stories about being with my abusive ex, then you will see where I am coming from and you will know what I am talking about and not take this all personally I am saying. If you are not an abuser, then you wouldn't feel threatened by my posts and by what I am saying because it wouldn't be relevant to you.





My ex was jealous so he put people down and me down and my family down. He had to put others down to make himself feel better.

Also some people get so jealous they don't let their partners go out with friends or family and that is what I am talking about.


Also let's not confuse open relationships with not loving your partner. Some people are poly and both parties are fine with each other dating others and having sex with others. I wouldn't even call this cheating just as long as both partners agree to it.




I don't sext. My husband and I have had a talk about boundaries and what he doesn't want me doing. He is fine with me going out or talking to people online. He isn't cutting me off from my friends or cutting people out of my life. My ex tried to get me to dump my friends and we were not even flirting or sexting, we were just chatting like we are doing now. My husband talks to people online and they just talk like we are now. I told him he can still talk to his friends online who are women because I wouldn't like it if my guy made me dump all my online friends. Also stop assuming just because someone is the same gender as your partner that they will cheat on you and sext them and do crazy sexual things together. If you feel that way, that is a trust issue and that can lead to controlling behavior and that is abuse. There is no excuse for it.



It's how you handle it. Like if you don't let them do what they want because you are jealous or you get upset with them and throw a fit and getting angry at them for even wanting to do what they want, that is controlling.

For example, when I was in high school, my whole family and I were going to Missoula and my little brother was going to come with but his girlfriend got mad at him about it and then she was giving him the silent treatment. My brother decided to not go and just stay home and work it out with her. I thought the she was so wrong and he should just go with us because he has every right to have fun and have his own life. They did make up and she wasn't mad anymore all of a sudden because he stayed home and he called her and talked to her and bam the fight was over. This was a form of control on her part. So she got what she wanted even though my brother made the choice to not go but she did it to make him make that decision. This is what I am talking about.



You brought up sexting an stuff and that is what I called a straw man because I was not talking about that and you decided to bring it up.



Then again I was in a abusive relationship and I was still close to my parents and he didn't like me talking to them. I'd say if you have to call your parents every time you guys fight or have a conflict or get upset, then things are not working out between you two because you can't even talk to your partner and if you can't talk to your partner because they trivialize your feelings, do counter things like throwing them back at you and making you be responsible for how you feel, getting mad at you for your feelings, etc. then that is a sign of abuse and this is what I have read so this is not my opinion. It could also be a sign that the person isn't ready for a relationship because she still has to rely on her parents for her feelings and support and can't even go to her partner, the only exception is if the man is an abuser and this is my opinion here.

I couldn't talk to him about my feelings, he couldn't comfort me, he couldn't give me what I emotionally needed so I would call my mom. He would also get upset with me so I couldn't talk to him about it so I called my mom. I was having anxiety and talking about it to my ex wouldn't work so I called my mom. Yes my feelings were wrong, what I said was wrong, everything seemed wrong about me. Everything. I didn't realize it then.

My husband calls his parents and talks to them, it doesn't bother me. If he needs support I can't give him, call his friends or family who can give it. I don't mind him having a relationship with his brother. He comes over they talk, hang out on the back porch, I am fine with it. I wouldn't tell him he can't be his brother's friend and that he couldn't talk to him.




Okay we're on the same page then so I don't see why we should continue arguing then. Even you agree this is all wrong what women do and what men do. I refused to stop doing what I liked and the consequence of that was my ex ignoring me and making fun of me and being critical about what clothes I wore or what video games I played or what I watched on TV and what I ate. Sure he never made me stop doing it but he was making me feel I couldn't do them by ignoring me and being so negative about it and saying things like "You should have been playing that ten years ago."



If someone has abandonment issues, I think it can still make them act abusive and I say some people need help and need to sort their issues out before entering a relationship and that is how I feel about my ex. It's about how they handle it and how they act with it.

You're right that one sign doesn't make someone an abuser just like when someone posts an ignorant comment, it doesn't make them ignorant. It just means what they wrote was ignorant so with abuse the behavior someone may do would be called abuse so we may say to them or about it "That's abuse." But most people will interpret it as you calling them an abuser just like if we say an idea is stupid, the person who said the idea may think you called them stupid.




Another straw man here, I said nothing about cheating. If you read about abusive relationships, it will say that they will accuse victims of flirting with someone or cheating and getting mad at them about it and then the victim will feel crazy. Even if you read abuse stories by victims who were with an abuser, some of them also say how they got accused of these things and thought they did wrong. Luckily my ex never did this to me.

Well if you question bout it and if your partner says she was't cheating or checking them out, trust her. If you believe she cheated, why not leave her? Some people stay and continue their abuse because they believe their partner cheated on them or checked out other people. So they start harassing their partner and stalking them and to me that is f****d up and I think why not just leave them if that is true what they are doing? I have seen this on the Dr. Phil show.



another straw man and won't respond to that accusation.




You're right that one symptom may not be abuse. It's about how you handle it. For example, someone has low self esteem. Okay that doesn't mean they will put others down or put you down to make themselves feel better. But if they do do that, that is abuse. Of course low self esteem may be listed as a red flag for an abuser but that doesn't mean all low self esteem people are abusers, it's about how they handle it and it's about why some people abuse. My ex boyfriend also over compensated and that really hurt his personality so he took it out on me and that made our relationship toxic because he didn't accept himself and he didn't like himself. Of course not everyone who compensates abuse others and tell everyone else how wrong they are with their choice and go out of their way to make them feel bad for it and make fun of them. That is why my husband called it over compensating. He just went too far with it. When I think of this, it makes me feel he wasn't a bad person and he just needed help and to sort out some issues before entering a relationship because it really got in the way and made him act abusive and like I say, most abusers have problems.


And I am sorry if my experience with an abuser gets to you and me telling what the signs are about it after reading about it online. It's been my new obsession and been opening up doors for me. Like I say, don't take it personally.

what behavior? have i said being controling is ok? theres abusive traits and thers traits that can lead to abusive traits but those base traits by themselves aren't abusive and are more likely to not lead to abusive traits. so deeming anyone with those as best to avoid is where I take offense.

I'm not accepting that theory, that's not the same as trivializing what you went through.
when you say people who act like ____ is a red flag for abuse and should/will be avoided and I have ______ traits thatn why wouldn't I take it personal. you can't say something about a group of people then get upset when one of them takes offense.
this isn't about your stories. this about the post you made saying such people are red flags to be avoided.

I don't put people down. that would be counteractive to making them happy. though if their family hates me I don't want to be expected to socialize with them and I would be worried they slowly turn her against and away from me. but I wouldn't try to cut her off I guess I'd just have to accept it'll be over and plan accordly. I feel better by being around people and making others happy.

yes but again jealous doesn't necessary lead to those. you can be jealous in healthy ways. you can also be jealous and never show it. though its not really being jealous as that is of something else has. its about not wanting to lose somone you have. I could be jealous of my friends wife, but I can't be of my own. so its another word I can't remember but often people call it jealous.

thats different as both people are ok with it and let each other know who they doing it with. at least I would hope so.

isn't setting boundaries just another word for telling someone what they can and can't do? you set boundaries for kids and employees. ie people under you.
all that is very common with a lot women in relationships. deciding who and when the bf can hang out with. this with regards to male friends as female friends seem to be a instant no go with a lot gfs. I've been told growing up by female family and by other women I met to expect this and just accept it. suppose not having many friends will make thise easier.

where did i assume? I'm just saying cheating is very common in this modern word so being unsure shouldn't be bad. my brothers wife is cheating on him yet he refuses to believe anyone including her about it. you need to be not 100% blindly trusting there has to be a balance or if they do cheat they'll do it over and over and keep getting away with walking all over you.

I use to be fully trusting but women in the past have ruined that and perhaps its for the best as I don't want to end up like my brother stuck in a onsided abusive relationship. I still easily trust but I now have a bit of trust issue or whatever its called where you dont' blindly trust. my ful trust now has to be earned with loyalty rather then just pretending disillusioned that everyone is as loyal as me without proof. though I say this as not being in a relationship. I still worry I'll just blindly trust a woman I fall in love with this leaves me open to more abuse.

yes I see women do that a lot in relationships. my brothers wife is same in that matter to your brothers gf, he can't go out anywhere without her but she leaves him alone to go do stuff all the time. we never see him because she won't come over here or let us go there.

my friends gf was the same way. along with some other friends gfs/wife. this falls under happy wife happy life, ie the woman is controlling and gets whatever she wants. so if a guy wants to go hang out with me and she says no and threatens punishment , well goes without saying we didn't hang out.

from what I understand straw man is accusing you of saying something you didn't . how is me adding to the subject a straw man. sexting is a very easy way to cheat in that your spouse will less likely catch on. heck you could sext with a another person while cuddling with your spouse. we have free speech so I am allowed to add other stuff to the conversation.

thats my future though not to my parent but to a female friend. if i talk to my partner about stuff she did to upset me I'll be seen as week and lacking confidence. men must be emotionless. so I have female friends to talk to about that stuff and what I can do. so in reality I'll always be close to those female friends then any gf I might have, but its their own doing. I'd much rather have that closeness with a gf.

if those are signs of abuse then its abuse men are expected to just accept and take.

sorry he did that to you. I would try to listen to her feelings and comfort her. though I couldn't promise we never fight aobut some things she shared. just as me and my friends fight over some shared feelings. I would try not to though.

that's not the same as being emotionally closer to another person of the same sex as you then they are to you. from what I've seen most women would take that as meaning the other woman is better then them.

yes. I had a lady like that in middle school she was physically abusive and controlling and to me we were just friends. then i had a abusive friend live with and off me for a year and was verbally abusive most of the time. he did lot of the saying negitive things your ex did.
I hate silent treatment, I so very much fear it. I don't want to be in a relationship where I fear my SO. so I do hope if I get a gf she'll promise to never do it.

only thing that will sort it out is a gf who sticks around and deosnt' abandon me. its an issue from negitive events people abandoing you that can only be fixed by experiencing postie events people not abandoning you.honestly everyone has issues expecing them to all be worked out before a relationship would mean that 90% of peolple would never get into one. imagine if you had to completely get rid of your issues before getting into one. its impossible. instead like people do with other issues: aspies, anxiety, ocd, depression, disabilities, etc is to accept and work with people. it just means I'll be unsure if they going to stick around for the first month or so maybe a bit longer.

yeah but bieng clingy isn't a busive behavior you even said that after a few months they stop being clingy as they were just faking what people want to get the person in then allow their abusive real self to come out. but if you avoid all loving , kind, and attached people you're never get to be in love. not the same about if someone talks about controlling what their spouse can and can't do. or talks about hitting their souse. I would agree on calling or saying that abusive.

but if you never open yourself to seeing they might be flriting you're never know they'll cheating. there has to be a middle ground. not all people who accuse soemoene of flirting is abusive though thats my point. they could really be fliritng and cheating if we just label anyone who accues people of doing those things as abusers it lets cheaters get away scott free. its about about situation by situation. you can't blanket label anyone.

I know first hand all about feeling crazy and guilty for something I didn't do then second guessing myself and wondering if I did wrong even though part of me knows I didn't but it starts spiraling into a internal battle. then i start questioning everything and anything I did or do. like idk being called clingy when I'm not or i don't think I am then also being called too distant. now I don't know what to do or what is right or wrong. I feel horrible

because you love them and don't think like as they said that anyone else but them will ever love you and if you leave them you're be alone for the rest of your life. they also get you doubting yourself, what if your'e wrong but then you saw her cheating, but she says it wasn't. but others said its cheating but shes your spouse you're suppose to believe her over anyone else and be loyal. its a very confusing thing. leaving isnt easy.

no it was a compirson. again a straw man would be me saying you said that. I'm comparing saying someone is abusive based off of one or a few signs is the same as someone thinking their so has aspergers based off one or a few signs.

then the symptom is them putting you or others down, not jealously.
but listing it as a red flag means avoiding anyone with those. life is full of risks. you date a low self esteem guy yeah he might turn out to be abusive or he might turn out to be a great wonderful guy who is hte love of your life. but if you just avoid low self esteem people you're never meet him. which is why despite everything I've seen about women I still want to date them and take the risk that they'll hurt me and abuse me, otherwise. I'll never meet a girl who won't do those things. two of the women I dealt with were liars. this makes me less trusting of people and women but I still have to go in trusting people just remain watchful and more open to what family say about the people. they tried to tell me about the women but I was like no she wouldn't do that. but they were right about those two. odds are 90% that I'll end up with another liar and abusive woman. but theirs still the 10%. heck theres only a 2% chance Ill ever get a gf anyways yet I still try.
though I do think I'll have to settle for an abusive mate, perhaps an emotional abusive one would be ok. I don't think i should stay with physically abusive one though.

its not your experiences. i just wish you'd say me ex was _____
rather then avoid people that have these traits ______- while quite a large group of normal nice people also have those traits legit and not just faking them to get a girl.

just seems like all women say to avoid me, which is awful feeling. except married women thought they probably just lying.