A girlfriend is not a lost puppy.

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Gee ... and here I thought that I was obsessed with explaining the obvious!

Those negative issues that we're fixated on are behaviors that are exemplified by presenting subjective opinions and ideas as "facts", and then misrepresenting invalid or unrelated research as erstwhile "proof" of those invalid "facts". Our negativity has to do with bemoaning the lack of honesty and integrity in any person who would display those behaviors.

Nothing more.

Oh, so you're bemoaning stuff. Cool, seeya.

The negatives we point out areall areas people can improve upon themselves and their approaches to relationships. They’re some peoples’ biggest constraints to living the love life they want. That’s why they need to be pointed out.

No, from what you'e telling me I can not see anything. If you could telepathically (whether you choose to call it that or not) sense where someone goes that may be connected to mind to mind communication. But from what you're writing I can not determine if that's what happens. Obviously you believe it's mind to mind communication and obviously you are not aware of any other way how you meeting her at a specific time in a specific place could occur. Therefore if there was another explanation you would omit any information that would allow an alternative explanation because you may not be aware it's relevant information.
Self reporting doesn't work for proofing this. It'd need to be tested by scientists creating a situation where they can exclude alternative explanations.
Where:
- they can make sure the person could not have known any other way (due to the situation or by knowing the other's habits or opinions on something etc.)
- they can make sure this mind-to-mind communication works sufficiently often and that it's not just the person remembering the cases when they felt they had some mind-to-mind connection and something happened to confirm it forgetting all the cases where they felt the same and nothing happened to confirm it (seeing a pattern where there is none) Or that it's not something remarkable happening and the person adds an explanation (they truly believe) afterwards for how this could happen.
- and if needed for the respective experimental conditions they can ask both people about their experiences afterwards to make sure they're both aware of the mind-to-mind communication and what one thinks they sent and the other thinks they received is sufficiently similar.

Interesting.



Thus, the presence of sperm competition doesn't say that people had 100s or 1000s of partners in the evolutionary past. Rather, it's sufficient if having multiple partners is extremely rare. So, sperm competition doesn't disprove widespread monogamy.

I feel there were monogamous couples in prehistoric times----and I also feel that Man was not primarily monogamous during those times.

This has nothing to do with the fact that monogamy is an ideal in many societies today.

Part of being civilized is the ability to transcend your base instincts.

QFT

There are some things that don't necessarily need to be improved but it can appear that way, sort of like a false diagnosis in medical terms.

I was watching the news a few weeks ago and a disorder in which people perceive themselves as far more unattractive than they are (I've forgotten the actual name for the disorder; it's one of the "dys-" I think) had become increasingly common in teenagers. They weren't what I'd consider unattractive at all, but they believed it to be that way. That's concerning when it comes to relationships, when you don't even know how you are regarded.

There's also the strings attached with enhancing your physical image; it attracts shallow personalities. How do you know they love you and not just your looks? If you became severely ill and those looks faded, would they stay with you? What about age?

Another is money; are they gold diggers or genuine? If you went broke, would they truly love you?

A spiritual connection is a necessity for me personally (again, I mean that figuratively as I don't believe in the supernatural). Strong relations can be built on otherwise unattractive values. I believe those relationships are often stronger. Far stronger, actually.

There's no superficial layer, only love.

some people are not into love, per se. it just doesn't enter into their thinking except perhaps for the self, and even then it is not so much love as high self-regard.

That's true. What I mean to say is that relationships can collapse easily when they are not founded on very real principles.

and amuuurica's 60+% divorce rate [90% subsequent marriage divorce rate] is IMHO testament to most people's relationship priorities in general.

Spiritual connections are not supernatural. They operate based on normal physics and are no more strange than using the face to transmit feelings.



Agreed.

Hey Doctor Phill, "make yourself more attractive?" By your own admission you yourself have never had any relationships, only casual gay sex (like that's hard to get, more like shooing fish in a barrel...). Do you mean magically become NT?

My gf is an Aspie, a fact for which I thank evolution and nature. We have been together for 4 years, and see no reason why our relationship has to "evolve" or "progress" in the usual NT fashion, which usually ends in divorce and or two people who no longer love each other and now have the awful situation of having to stay together for reasons mostly related to money.

She and I accept each other as we are. No impossible ideals and no one (usually the woman) constantly wishing the other would change everything about themselves to suit them. And THATS what I call true love.

Now I see this place DOES in fact have a prominent resident Doctor Mario...

No need to insult me by calling me “Dr. Phil.” I’ve never claimed to be a psychiatrist nor relationship expert.

I’ve been transparent about the fact that I’ve never been in a relationship & have only had hookups/fwb situations. No, I haven’t only had gay sex. I was also transparent about the fact that I’ve been with 5 girls.

Yes, it’s far easier for gay guys to get laid - I’ve said this, too, but it doesn’t mean I have zero communication skills and doesn’t negate the fact that I must attract these people in the first place - and I’ve successfully done so hundreds of times & thus know what I’m talking about. Further, I’ve had many offers to date people and have declined because I wasn’t that interested in them/not interested in being a burden or embarrassment to anyone. That’s my choice, not an inability to get into a relationship.

I’ve never said to magically become NT in order to be more attractive. I have, however, been very transparent about how I manage to treat and control my ASD symptoms. It’s not magic, it’s science. Treating one’s own symptoms would be a fantastic start. Besides that, there are plenty of things people do to increase their attractiveness. Physical fitness, aesthetics/grooming/hygiene, mental health, career/finances, style/wardrobe etc etc - none of these things require you to be NT not treat your ASD symptoms. All of them, and more, are very common things that single people seeking a partner work on in order to make themselves more attractive. It’s not rocket surgery stuff & doesn’t require reinventing the wheel simply because you’re ND.

You and your gf can do whatever works for the two of you, obviously. But it seems most of the single people here are seeking something resembling a traditional relationship - all of which start with attracting someone, then communicating with them, meeting them, and moving forward from there however you wish. For myself, I choose sex & have no qualms about it. Others may choose to arrange a second date. Regardless, all of these relationships, whether very short term or life long, begin in very similar ways in terms of attracting someone & communicating with them. I’d say I’m pretty good at those functions or I wouldn’t be able to do them over and over and over again with relative ease. I know what I do works & it’s not difficult for others to learn from it and replicate it for themselves. All they have to do is follow the process once they learn it. Then they can use it to do what I do, or arrange dozens of first dates, of focus on one person they want to see again and again - whatever floats your goat.

To me the main problem has always been, that people overvalue relationships way too much(in particular guys idealize women to the point of insanity).
This is what creates the obssesive clinginess and entitlement.