"You need to work on yourself!"

Post Reply New Topic

Actually, the Top 10 Reasons for Divorce, ranked in order from highest to lowest, are:

1. Infidelity (Ranked the highest)
2. Money
3. Lack of communication
4. Constant arguing
5. Weight gain
6. Unrealistic expectations
7. Lack of intimacy
8. Lack of equality
9. Not being prepared for marriage
10. Abuse (Ranked the lowest)

(Source: Marriage.com's "10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce".)

Of course, if people never get married in the first place, then they can never get divorced!

Your source is a random website written by a person with the IQ of a cheese sandwich? Come on.

YOUR source is non-existent, and your Appeal to Ridicule (a form of Ad Hominem) is irrelevant.

Would you have us believe that the ONLY reason women divorce their husbands is due to abuse?

Your source might as well be nonexistent as well.

I've gone over Shellie Warren's bio, and while she may indeed be smarter than a Cheese Sandwich, she also seems naïve by her biased view in "looking for the good in men."

- You don't have to look for the good in men - if it's there, you'll see it.

If it's not, then you find a man that has it. That's how it works.

Also abuse of some kind is involved in most divorces, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you.

Trust me, Gaslighting people - even on accident, is not beneficial to the Human Race.

"Abuse of some kind" is rather vague. You could use that to extend the definition of abuse to cover literally anything that makes somebody feel even the tiniest bit mad/upset/annoyed/etcetera, in which case then all relationships involve abuse of some kind.

So are you saying that most women are idiot?

I'm not very expirienced with divorces, but based on the small number I know personally - yes. And in some cases, the man is the main perpetrator, in other cases, the woman. About 50/50.

I don't get this trend in feminism that claims that women are always victims and never responsible. With strength comes responsibility, don't you want to encourage women to be strong and responsible? I know victim blaming is awful but what about male victims? I know plenty of them.

These statistics come from the US National Library of Medicine at the National Institutes of Health.

Note that all of these percentages add up to more than 100%. This is because there is rarely ever only one cause for divorce. For example, Lack of Commitment, Infidelity or Extramarital Affairs, and Too Much Conflict and Arguing are each cited as causes in more than 50% of all divorces.

Note also that "Domestic Violence" ranks low (#7 out of 11), and is a factor in less than 1/4 of all divorces.

1. Lack of commitment: 75.0%
2. Infidelity or extramarital affairs: 59.6%
3. Too much conflict and arguing: 57.7%
4. Getting married too young: 45.1%
5. Financial problems: 36.7%
6. Substance abuse: 34.6%
7. Domestic violence: 23.5%
8. Health problems: 18.2%
9. Lack of support from family: 17.3%
10. Religious differences: 13.3%
11. Little or no premarital education: 13.3%

Authors from the University of Colorado's Department of Psychology:

• Elizabeth S. Allen

Authors from the University of Denver's Department of Psychology:

• Shelby B. Scott
• Galena K. Rhoades
• Scott M. Stanley
• Howard J. Markman

The National Institutes of Health are the most reliable keeper of health and social statistics I know, so if anyone wants to accuse them of having less intelligence than a cheese sandwich, go right ahead.

Just put down your own sour grapes before you make your accusation.

"some kind of abuse" ≠ "domestic violence"

At least I don't mean it that way in my posts - I'm not responsible for any other posters.

"Some kind of abuse" may be excessive controlling, regular putting your partner down, cheating and denying, etc...

"Some Kind of Abuse" could include:

• Having a different opinion than your spouse
• Saying "No" to a request from your spouse
• Correcting your spouse's mistakes
• Staying home because you're sick
• Forgetting your spouse's birthday
• Forgetting your anniversary
• Asking your spouse to be more frugal
• Asking your spouse to be more responsible
• Wearing clothes that your spouse doesn't like
• Wanting to visit your parents
• Not wanting to visit your spouse's parents
• Having smelly feet
• Not brushing your teeth
• Not taking out the trash
...

If a person interprets it that way, this very person is likely seriously abusive... did I mention excessive controlling?

I see you've met my ex-wife...

Fnord makes an excellent point. An unfortunate fact of contemporary society is words no longer really have any meaning. Words mean whatever a person wants them to mean. "Free speech" is allowed only as long as you say what I want you to say and you agree with me. "Hate Speech" is any kind of speech you make that I hate.

Bullying used to refer to a repeated pattern of mistreatment of someone. Now it's a blanket term for anything that's rude or mean, whether there's a pattern or not.

Actually defining what constitutes abuse limits the scope of who can claim victimhood. Victims are entitled to restitution. People who don't care to achieve anything in life but are perfectly content to blame successful people who have no connection to them for their lot in life can simply play the victim card and expect to be rewarded for the good someone else does. And you have greedy people lining up everywhere trying to convince people they are victims when there's nothing really wrong.

The cruel irony is there ARE legit victims. My best friend was practically held hostage in her bf's dorm room through half of college and later his apartment after he flunked out. And when I began to help her get away from him, her other friends kept screaming at me to stay out of it, to mind my own business, watch my back, etc. Even some of my professors gave me a hard time after this guy ended up in jail--you know, like it's MY fault or HER fault that he put her under a curfew, that he made her call him every time she got out of class, that she report every person she talked to and why, and that he was utterly disgusting to her when they were alone. Where were the SJW's then when he threatened her life AND mine?

We were fortunate to have sympathetic campus police and a justice court judge. He got a slap-on-the-wrist misdemeanor with a $300 fine. I'd really, REALLY like to know how $300 is going to stop the nightmares after 20 years. But hopefully sending the message was enough to put an end to what he did and prevent another victim from suffering the same way.

Don't you DARE complain about how your man is abusive because his feet smell, or because he doesn't brush his teeth enough. Don't you DARE complain about not wanting to visit parents--both of her parents were gone by the time we'd been married 6 months. Don't you DARE complain about wanting to visit parents, because her mother-in-law practically adopted her and took her in after her mother died and while I was away at grad school. When you claim you're such a victim and entitled to so much sympathy and more, don't come anywhere near her. Given what she's ACTUALLY been through, she'll claw your eyes out. Freakin' rip your face off. She'll give you a legit reason to cry victim.

Back when we could still afford cable, we watched Teen Mom. I'll never forget Amber Portwood. Her baby-daddy really was a weakling. I don't blame Amber for being unsatisfied with him. What was breath-taking about Amber was how she felt perfectly comfortable becoming physically violent with him. And he'd just stand there and take it, like there was nothing he could do about it, like all women are like that that's just what we expect from men. Someone eventually called the cops after one particularly intense episode aired. I've been on a reality show. What I know about reality shows is they aren't live. They're carefully edited and aired when the schedule says they get aired. And that means nothing got investigated until quite some time after the fact. She eventually ended up in prison.

Which just demonstrates that justice works both ways. Words DO have actual meanings. There ARE real victims. And the more diluted the "victim class" becomes, the less actual justice gets dispensed to those who need and deserve it the most.

What nonsense. They complain to their friends about the negatives.

Like, "he doesn't spend enough time with me" or telling you about how he nit picks stupid little things.

Women aren't stupid

That's not what I meant.

They maybe don't notice them at first, or they deliberately ignore them at first, but I've been around enough couples to know that tgey do notice the bad points.

But it's not being a "bad boy" that draws a partner, it's their good points.

All some single guys see is that beer lout who watches too much football and smokes weed. Why does he have a girl and sweet, quiet little me doesn't?

Because people have layers.

I think she’s referring to women who enjoy complaining and gossip.

The only time I ever dared attempt telling my SO who her friends could/couldn’t be, it was over something like that. In short, she was hanging with a bunch of bitties who had little else to do but complain about men. And when she didn’t join in, they proceeded to tell her what an awful person I was. Not long after things started getting really tense at our house, and that’s when it came out what was happening. Something eventually happened that for me was the final straw and I basically said, “it’s either them or me.”

Women will often dump guys at that point. She acknowledged that those women really were doing a lot of damage to our relationship and that we were more important together than her weekly girl’s night out.

I’ve had gf’s before who were more/less like that. No man or woman should tolerate that from a SO. Yet people will always derive pleasure from blowing off steam at the expense of a bf or gf.