26 Feb 2022, 1:53 pm
26 Feb 2022, 1:57 pm
Rexi
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Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
26 Feb 2022, 1:59 pm
ironpony wrote:
Rexi wrote:
ironpony wrote:
My gf is bothered by it, that I do not acknowledge it in certain conversations, and she said that she worries it might be ignorance sometimes. But just because I don't verbally acknowledge it, I don't mean to be ignorant. I guess I just didn't think of mentioning it, as I often thought I guess if I am what can I do about it. And whenever I tell her that, she will keep responding back with, that "I am not asking you to do anything about it, I am just asking you to acknowledge it".
But I don't see why I have to do that, because I guess it doesn't occur to me in a lot of the conversations we have about topics, where it doesn't occur to me to, because that is not often the point of the conversations at the time, if that makes sense. But it seems that time and time again, she becomes more and more bothered or frustrated by this.
After she got frustrated recently, I just told her look, if you have a problem dating someone who is white, then you can just leave me if you like and date someone else. But then she responds by saying, she doesn't want to do that, as that would regressive on her part, to just date certain races.
But I don't know what she wants me to do when she gets frustrated by this at times when I do not seem to acknowledge it, according to her. What do you think? Am I perhaps making too big a deal of this, and an SO in a couple just needs to let off steam once in a while, or what do you think?
Thank you for any advice on this. I really appreciate it.
But I don't see why I have to do that, because I guess it doesn't occur to me in a lot of the conversations we have about topics, where it doesn't occur to me to, because that is not often the point of the conversations at the time, if that makes sense. But it seems that time and time again, she becomes more and more bothered or frustrated by this.
After she got frustrated recently, I just told her look, if you have a problem dating someone who is white, then you can just leave me if you like and date someone else. But then she responds by saying, she doesn't want to do that, as that would regressive on her part, to just date certain races.
But I don't know what she wants me to do when she gets frustrated by this at times when I do not seem to acknowledge it, according to her. What do you think? Am I perhaps making too big a deal of this, and an SO in a couple just needs to let off steam once in a while, or what do you think?
Thank you for any advice on this. I really appreciate it.
See there is a problem of communication.
When people say 'i want you to acknowledge something' they want you to think about it and think about how it plays in life for a person who isn't white, priviledged.
Basically she doesn't think you understand the difference and wants to feel like you actually understand that there is a difference between being white and priviledged or not. She wants you to understand her life. And the different struggles that come with it. She wants you to understand life is harder for someone who isn't white and priviledged. And possibly sensitive about it.
This doesn't mean she has a problem with dating someone white and priviledged. Which is often how people misinterpret and jump to conclusions that person wants a breakup.
It's quite the difference. It's quite opposite. As partners we need to feel understood and viewed, like she wants you to be aware of her struggles.
Well it's just it's hard to acknowledge based on the examples and debates she brings up though. For example, she brought truckdrivers as being white privileged, and I worked as a truckdriver before once, and that job, especially in the freezing cold winter, is anything but privileged. She sets the bar so low, as to what privileged is, that it's hard to agree with her specific example, where a lot of these arguments are coming up.
Or like in the movie where she didn't like the white character making the remark, I didn't think the character was that privileged either, since the character was a police officer, and there are many non-white police officers, many black ones, and I didn't think that was a privileged job either therefore. So it's hard to acknowledge her points, when she sets the bar for privilege quite low.
Okay but not everyone is a truck driving lover, but it can be a comfortable job and a very important one for people with bad knees or legs for example, or conditions which are better if the person sits and isn't physically active as much. It's just an example.
Would you feel as important as people who are allowed to do something unrelated just because of their skin color? Perhaps in the big picture it's not as bad nowadays, I have not enough knowledge of it. Perhaps there are statistics about how often a white person wins interviews vs some minorities.
If there's something related to a population and some other person jokes by saying it, it might be offensive to some people. Especially if you keep exposing the person to it, they might think you're racist. Like different cultures get offended and depends how they were raised too or personal views.
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Rexi
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26 Feb 2022, 2:00 pm
naturalplastic wrote:
Well... it may not be that "she is bothered that you are White and privileged". It may be that she is bothered that you are not aware of the fact that being White makes you privileged.
I agree.
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26 Feb 2022, 2:07 pm
26 Feb 2022, 2:07 pm
26 Feb 2022, 2:10 pm
Rexi
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26 Feb 2022, 2:15 pm
ironpony wrote:
ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
If your girlfriend is an Amerindian dating a white man, please note that she herself is probably getting a lot of flack. Some First Nations men don't like seeing their women with white men, and some First Nations women will criticize her, saying she's a giving in to her colonial oppressors.
Keep this in mind. She's trying to reconcile her own guilt and hang-ups. The best way to get beyond white privilege is to speculate how non-whites see racial issues. Don't be white-centric, try to see how non-whites may think, even if they themselves are wrong and racist, too. I think your girlfriend is responding to pressures from within her own community and projecting it onto you.
Perhaps ask her politely, "How do your people feel about you dating me?" She'll probably start off with the whole, "It's not an issue," line. Politely tell her, "I agree, but do all of your people feel it's not an issure, or are some of them unhappy about it?" See what she says. Report back.
Keep this in mind. She's trying to reconcile her own guilt and hang-ups. The best way to get beyond white privilege is to speculate how non-whites see racial issues. Don't be white-centric, try to see how non-whites may think, even if they themselves are wrong and racist, too. I think your girlfriend is responding to pressures from within her own community and projecting it onto you.
Perhaps ask her politely, "How do your people feel about you dating me?" She'll probably start off with the whole, "It's not an issue," line. Politely tell her, "I agree, but do all of your people feel it's not an issure, or are some of them unhappy about it?" See what she says. Report back.
Oh okay. She said that she grew up in an area of white people though, and the only people she knows that are Native American are her own family. Her sister is also dating a white guy, so I don't think she would have a problem with it.
Hmm, maybe she feels alone and misunderstood. Maybe she envies her sister's success or feels like she has to compete.
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Last edited by Rexi on 26 Feb 2022, 2:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.
26 Feb 2022, 2:16 pm
Rexi
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Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
26 Feb 2022, 2:18 pm
But definitely maybe she feels like you don't understand her points or offer them any chance or credibility. Because as you said, they're not good enough points. But she's trying hard to get through to you.
And it has become too difficult a debate and emotionally charged. I would say to agree to disagree because you're only gonna build bitterness. And it's not worth it.
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x Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.
Last edited by Rexi on 26 Feb 2022, 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
26 Feb 2022, 2:19 pm
funeralxempire
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26 Feb 2022, 2:20 pm
26 Feb 2022, 2:20 pm
26 Feb 2022, 2:21 pm
funeralxempire
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26 Feb 2022, 2:23 pm
funeralxempire
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26 Feb 2022, 2:25 pm
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