Blog post on the epidemic of forced celibacy in males

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To me this idea that a man being forced to go without sex causing harm which is the same suffered by a person who gets raped is total nonsense. Years ago I knew a woman who I suspect had been raped, I saw her fall apart as a person. What happened to her was a murder of the soul which made me angry.

My reasoning is if I am willing to do the right thing and allow women to choose who they do and don't have sex with then any man who fails to live up to the same standard do so is a lower form of life.

Now I am sure you have all heard people saying "real men do XYZ" or a "real man is XYZ, blagh blagh blagh etc etc" but here are my thoughts on the matter.

Years ago when I was at school we were visited by a policeman, he told us that there is a crime which real men do not commit. He told us that real men do not commit rape, he explained how those who commit rape are not fit to be called men. When I think of what the policeman said years ago I have to admit that he was right.

Before anyone asks I will have to admit I am a heterosexual man and I like having sex, but for years I could not get a GF let alone have sex. While I did not like having a lonely life I just had to accept that I had to go without something which I wanted dearly. Later in life I was glad to meet a women who was at first my GF and then is now my wife, having her in my life makes me more happy.

The problem with the idea that "it is the duty of women to provide sex to all men" is that it goes against the idea of free will. While a man Mr X might want to have sex with Miss A, Miss A might not want to have sex with Mr X.

Years ago Durex wrote that everyone has the right to a happy healthy sex life (my paraphrase), I would say that a happy healthy sex life is something good. If you have a happy sex life then it is your good fortune, be happy and glad. You did not get it as a right. Instead you have had good fortune !

Regarding George Sodini, I view him as worse than a rapist. He is a even lower form of life which posed as a man. I know that aspies are known for their logic, so I imagine others of you will understand that if you want to have sex with women then the worst possible thing you can do is to start killing women. I am glad that his old university rejected his offer of money in his will.

Are you sure? Because while I can see that rapists can't be real men, in all honesty, there is one form of "man" that is the lowest form of life on earth: the fully grown 20+ man who still lives in his parents house and doesn't have a job. I.e: me.

The true measure of a man is what he can contribute to society. The most productive men are the ones that make the most money, which is why money is often seen as an indicator of personal worth. Even then, those that might not make as much money, but produce unique works of art or have unique productive talents are also highly valued. Yeah, rapists are psychopaths who deserve to be locked away for all time for committing rape, but even then in prison there is the potential to be a productive member of society, as most prisons have work-detail systems in effect. Yet I won't ever be able to contribute anything as long as I can't even pass a job interview...

The worst part is that I've given up on looking for sex. Now I just want someone to hold me and make the pain go away every night. Yet even abandoning that as a goal hasn't helped at all. I don't see sex as something of a "basic right" like some of the other posters on here, but I would think that something that, in an ideal world, should be a basic right is the right to not be lonely all the time. Humans are social creatures, and to be cut off from society because I'm shunned on the inside by immense uncontrollable fear, and on the outside by everyone thinking I'm a freak, is causing much more psychological damage than any "sex deprivation" ever could.

hey, i know this wasn't the point you were making, but about the job interview thing - i did 5 things which have helped me in recent years, because i am very very bad at interviews:

1. read books like Job Interviews for Dummies
2. performe phone interviews when possible (this only worked for jobs in other locations)
3. informed the interviewers in advance about AS and what that means for me in an interview setting
4. attended a job interview seminar and practiced interviewing
5. asked confident, successful NTs about techniques that worked for them

interviewing is my extremely weak area, and sometimes it more than just avoiding eye contact. when a situation is really uncomfortable, i will sometimes turn away my entire body away from other people. i also cannot sit still very well. everybody fidgets, but i will rock a bit and overly gesture with my hands.

Do not be too hard on yourself ToadOfSteel, I hold the view that a person with AS who is unable to work might not be earning. But a man like you is far better than a rapist or some other vile offender.

I hold the view that one thousand rapists or other slimebags are not worth a single law abiding unemployed man.

Please don't put yourself down like this, you most definately aren't the lowest form of life on earth and you certainly don't deserve to label yourself as less value to society than a rapist. The fact that you can't find work because of having Asperger's is a reflection on the failings of society not on you. Also living at home as an adult is not strange, again you are being deceived by the failings of society which currently convinces young adults that they are less value if they don't own their own home, car and a high flying job. Both of my brothers still live at home. One is in his 30s and the other in his 40s.

Some parts of Mexico are dangerous, but most aren't. You don't have to emigrate to meet a foreign woman. You could travel regularly somewhere. You could use a foreign dating service. Or you could live close to the border and meet someone on the other side. That is what I did. If you do want to emigrate, which would be understandable to escape America's horrible feminist culture, then you could pick a country where you could get a job like Japan, Korea, or China.

A gentle reminder to everyone:

While this thread is controversial and emotions are running high I just want to remind everyone of the WrongPlanet Rules. So keep it civilised folks.

Conduct
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The following activities are unacceptable on WrongPlanet:

1. Posting offensive language, comments, video, or images.
Unacceptable content includes swearing; racist, sexist, homophobic language; behavior intended to provoke or belittle other members; violent or sexually demeaning content; sexual fetish; and discussion of excretory function. Posting graphic images or videos of people or animals being harmed is prohibited.

2. Personal attacks.
This includes insinuation, ridicule and personal insults, regardless of whether direct or indirect. Attacking an opinion, belief or philosophy is acceptable, but attacking the person making the comments is not.

I really don't know why I've continued to humor your misogynist and frighteninglu sociopathic comments, not to mention irrational attempts at analogy.

Suffice it to say:

I'm very sorry you can't get sex without paying for it,
and I fear for the women around you if you think you have a "right" to use women's bodies.

Last edited by Bethie on 18 Sep 2010, 7:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I've washed my hands of this person,
and am only troubled by the thought that my provoking him further might entrench him deeper in his thinking about women,
and therefore indirectly contribute to someone actually being harmed.

Thank you for looking in on us, TallyMan.

And one example of such a thing is branding someone a misogynist because they challenge your views.

Okay, I don't know why you've assumed that I have no idea what it's like to be rejected or unwanted. Because I'm an NT woman and not an Aspie man? Kinda faulty criteria, don't you think? Suffice it to say I do know what it's like...I know what it's like to be abused. You haven't cornered the market on suffering - and I'm not poking fun at anything.

I was trying to point out the difference between the impact of rejection/frustration/loneliness on a person, and the impact of violence. The most significant flaw about your comparison is that while rejection/frustration/loneliness is the result of being romantically and/or sexually unattractive/skilled, rape isn't about sex. It's about rage, and power, and violence.

A man who has been rejected has the power to change his situation. He may not recognize or acknowledge that power, but he has it, nonetheless. He can do the things I've already suggested to change his level of attractiveness, his approach to dating, etc. Or he can go to a prostitute, and at least solve part of the problem.

The act of rape, by definition, involves rendering a woman powerless. It engenders life-threatening fear, and forces a woman to endure a painful, violent assault. I think that posters have reacted so strongly to your comparison because they understand that rape is not about sex or attractiveness or love or desire. It's about taking away a woman's power to choose what she'll do with her own body. Is is the ultimate objectification of a person.

I know.

This isn't doing anyone any good at all. Go be happy.

And another example of such things is branding off a certain gender to comply with your narcissistic attitude.

Sorry but there's a lot of us sexually frustated people out there. Does that mean it's ok to hurt someone to fullfiill your own want by knowing full and well you will hurt the other person? No but nevertheless you are about as equally responsible if not more than that other person whom you've knowingly destroyed emotionally for your own benefits.

I just wanted to chime in and say you sound like a great guy. "Nice guys" in U.S. culture don't always get the respect they deserve, so, IMHO, you deserve a pat on the back. Thank you for your consideration, persistence, and patience with women. I wish you and your wife all the best!



Agreed. I can't speak for other cultures, but U.S. America determined that one human being has no inherent "ownership" of another human being's body back in 1865 when the Civil War ended. The concept that a person has dominion and exclusive rights over their own body is hardly a new idea, nor is it a "feminist conspiracy," or a "radical thinking trend exclusive to feminist countries."

If Person #1 needs a kidney, and Person #2 is a donor match, I doubt many people would advocate forcefully removing a kidney from Person #2 just to alleviate the suffering of Person #1. Person #2 has no obligation, either morally or legally, to offer his own body, putting himself at great physical and emotional risk, just because Person #1 is "suffering." It makes little sense, and it opens the door to a slippery slope where anyone is allowed to violate the basic human rights of another person in the name of curing "suffering."

I'm no more inclined to have sex with any and every many who "needs" it than I am to give all of my money away to homeless people, or give away my organs to "needy" recipients. Any notion that another human has "rights" to my body is slavery, and slavery is not compatible with modern civilized life, It's not "man-hating, radical feminism" to be against slavery.



Heh. Do you suppose that those men who claim women have an obligation to have sex with ailing, socially inept, autistic males would gladly offer sex to ailing, socially inept, autistic homosexual males who can't find willing boyfriends?

After all, things like "standards" and "preferences" shouldn't matter when considering the emotional trauma of being a male who can't get sex, right? Wouldn't it be infinitely more important to take into account the "suffering" of the sexless homosexual male than worrying over such petty concerns as not wanting to have sex with someone you aren't attracted to, aren't aquainted with, or just flat-out don't want to have sex with? Right....?

Bethie wrote:

Honey, I've probably been physically beaten more than you have, so listen to me when I say I don't want to harm anyone. I'm not seething with rage here, I'm amused and a little frustrated.



Stay away from drugs and alcohol as much as you can. Exercise regularly. Antidepressants never helped me very much. Fight the overwhelming despair, pain, and boredom with a spiritual practice like Daoism or Buddhism -- it works for your mind the way exercise works for your body. Accept that you've got to try or die. Have a realistic goal for yourself and keep it in mind. Be a responsible employee and develop your aptitudes.

And read lots and lots of Lovecraft.

I second everything Hyperlexian just said (and in other news Hell just froze over and there is an epidemic of pigs sprouting wings!)

Do what you can to improve your appearance as well. Start with posting a regular photo of
Yourself on hotornot.com to get a baseline idea of what you are working with and then take photos and post them as you improve your wardrobe (clothes you wear daily) and lose weight (can be done by eating 1200 to 1500 calories a day and cutting out bread and corn syrup. You also might want to change your hairstyle as well. Not sure what you look like so I am just going off of what you've said about yourself before.

Stop putting yourself down. I cannot tell if that is depression at work or a need for validation.