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What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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Janissy
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08 Nov 2012, 4:32 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
What's even MORE frustrating is when I'm out with my GF now I get girls openly flirting with me all the time, the same ones who ignored me before! Where the heck were they when I tried to meet them and contact them? Suddenly that I'm in a relationship they are interested? Makes no sense!


It actually does make sense. You have now been vetted as "boyfriend material" by your girlfriend. Before that you were an unknown and potentially hazardous entity. She is like a good job reference- proof that you are "capable".



bruinsy33
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08 Nov 2012, 7:43 pm

MXH wrote:
bruinsy33 wrote:
It's likely not that black and white.Perhaps as a result of having AS your approach is likely very socially awkward and the ''creep'' being more socially skilled uses eye contact and proper facial expressions to make the women more comfortable despite his vulgar language.It's just a possibility,I am not suggesting it is the absolute truth.


its more likely the vulgar ones get away with it because the girls were already attracted to them. Not so much on the other ones.
That's entirely possible but it seems to be the philosophy of men who don't want to try and improve their approach,they just assume the girls liked him because he is better looking than me .That may or may not be the case.



WantToHaveALife
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12 Nov 2012, 7:09 pm

the fact that we guys the vast majority of the time have to do the approaching, pursuing, initiating, makes me have sympathy for the late George Sodini



AspieOtaku
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12 Nov 2012, 7:44 pm

The irony of it all is we are expected to do the approaching yet get pushed away or thought of creeps at the same time.


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ThomasJackewicz
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12 Nov 2012, 8:06 pm

Yuzu wrote:
If you don't want to do the approaching, then don't do it.
Just do what girls do. Send them subtle signals that you're interested and patiently wait for them to come to you.


What about those of us who cannot read body-language? I can pick up the basics, but "subtle" doesn't come easy.



Kurgan
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12 Nov 2012, 8:33 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
the fact that we guys the vast majority of the time have to do the approaching, pursuing, initiating, makes me have sympathy for the late George Sodini


I hope you're exaggerating here. George Sodini was--in his 20's and 30's--probably a respectable (but very socially awkward) man who probably wouldn't dream of killing someone. In his 40's, he gradually went mad and went on a killing spree, though. NOTHING can justify a killing spree, no matter how bad it is.

With that being said, nobody is born a spree killer. Spree killers are made by f****d up norms, f****d up peers or f****d up school systems.



steviewonderau
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13 Nov 2012, 9:56 pm

A past history of failure/rejection can determine your present/future. I do not bother trying and I have accepted this is the way it will always be, nothing changes. Failure/rejection lowers your self esteem and avoidance is the best solution.



AspieRogue

13 Nov 2012, 10:06 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
asking out? initiating? Is it biology, evolution, part of DNA, as to why the guy always, or almost always has to be the one to initiate the steps in order to get a relationship started, making the first move and all the other moves that lead to exchanging phone numbers, first couple of dates, etc.? Or is it a social-construct as to why it is like this? People always argue, and it frustrates me, pisses me off, they always say "it's part of being a Man", seriously where is the God Damn Logic as to why that is part of being a Man? who or what made that rule?

Because having Autism/Asperger Syndrome makes a lot of guys socially-awkward by nature, and since the overwhelming vast majority of girls are old-fashioned, do not approach guys or start conversations with them, ask them out, it hurts guys in this case way more than girls in this case




It's because women are lazy.



steviewonderau
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13 Nov 2012, 10:10 pm

Long gone are the days where men and women had clearly defined roles within society. Men were the bread winners and women were the house wives/mothers. Since the feminist movement of the 1960s/70s women have become more powerful than men and men have become powerless and irrelevant within modern society.



steviewonderau
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13 Nov 2012, 11:46 pm

Single for his whole life, never had a girlfriend. For those who have heard of Asperger Syndrome, it is a mild form of Autism, so it obviously means that I'm not a social person, shy and introverted. Overall, Asperger Syndrome means you have below average social skills, or just bad social skills. I hate it when people say "Man Up", "Grow a Pair", or "Stop Whining and just go talk to Women". Well guess what? I am not scared to approach or talk to women, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW!,

Having Asperger Syndrome or Autism makes it impossible, or just nearly impossible to gain better social skills, conversation skills. Also everyone obviously knows that us guys, unfortunately for me too, have to be the ones to pull girls, like we have to initiate everything with girls, girls don't and never will approach guys or ask them out on a date, us guys have to do the pursuing and chasing, overall, all or most of the work in order to get the girl. A girl can get a date or a boyfriend without having to overcome shyness or social anxiety, but the same thing is not applied for guys unless they are really good looking or wealthy/high social status.



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14 Nov 2012, 1:38 am

steviewonderau wrote:
Single for his whole life, never had a girlfriend. For those who have heard of Asperger Syndrome, it is a mild form of Autism, so it obviously means that I'm not a social person, shy and introverted. Overall, Asperger Syndrome means you have below average social skills, or just bad social skills. I hate it when people say "Man Up", "Grow a Pair", or "Stop Whining and just go talk to Women". Well guess what? I am not scared to approach or talk to women, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW!,

Having Asperger Syndrome or Autism makes it impossible, or just nearly impossible to gain better social skills, conversation skills. Also everyone obviously knows that us guys, unfortunately for me too, have to be the ones to pull girls, like we have to initiate everything with girls, girls don't and never will approach guys or ask them out on a date, us guys have to do the pursuing and chasing, overall, all or most of the work in order to get the girl. A girl can get a date or a boyfriend without having to overcome shyness or social anxiety, but the same thing is not applied for guys unless they are really good looking or wealthy/high social status.

If she's pretty (ie, "high social status"), sure. If she's overweight or homely? No.
as far as Asperger's folks having a harder time: yes, that's true, and it sucks. It's not that great to be a woman with Asperger's, either, especially given that we are supposed to know how to read people's minds 'because we're women,' but can't and end up being bullied or taken advantage of because of it.

However, it is not some random chick's responsibility to make your life easier for you or for me, mmmkay?



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15 Nov 2012, 10:45 pm

LKL wrote:
steviewonderau wrote:
Single for his whole life, never had a girlfriend. For those who have heard of Asperger Syndrome, it is a mild form of Autism, so it obviously means that I'm not a social person, shy and introverted. Overall, Asperger Syndrome means you have below average social skills, or just bad social skills. I hate it when people say "Man Up", "Grow a Pair", or "Stop Whining and just go talk to Women". Well guess what? I am not scared to approach or talk to women, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW!,

Having Asperger Syndrome or Autism makes it impossible, or just nearly impossible to gain better social skills, conversation skills. Also everyone obviously knows that us guys, unfortunately for me too, have to be the ones to pull girls, like we have to initiate everything with girls, girls don't and never will approach guys or ask them out on a date, us guys have to do the pursuing and chasing, overall, all or most of the work in order to get the girl. A girl can get a date or a boyfriend without having to overcome shyness or social anxiety, but the same thing is not applied for guys unless they are really good looking or wealthy/high social status.

If she's pretty (ie, "high social status"), sure. If she's overweight or homely? No.
as far as Asperger's folks having a harder time: yes, that's true, and it sucks. It's not that great to be a woman with Asperger's, either, especially given that we are supposed to know how to read people's minds 'because we're women,' but can't and end up being bullied or taken advantage of because of it.

However, it is not some random chick's responsibility to make your life easier for you or for me, mmmkay?


Really, aspie women have a hard time? really, you serious. how? all you aspie women can get boyfriend so easy.
Even shy aspie women with no social life and poor social skills can somehow get a boyfriend, so you are lying. and I bet you have a boyfriend, so your proving my point. If you don't have a boyfriend then that sucks for you



LKL
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15 Nov 2012, 10:47 pm

Dude, you are simply incorrect. Go hang out on the women's forum if you doubt me - just keep your mouth shut for a while so that you don't get kicked off for your offensive, incorrect, assumptions.



billiscool
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15 Nov 2012, 10:57 pm

LKL wrote:
Dude, you are simply incorrect. Go hang out on the women's forum if you doubt me - just keep your mouth shut for a while so that you don't get kicked off for your offensive, incorrect, assumptions.


you serious, there are actual aspie women out there that can't get boyfriend. How is that possible. Every straight women can get a boyfriend just go outside and boom you got a boyfriend. unless she has something like ocd and spend most of her time washing her hands. I watch a thing on ocd once and there this straight women had ocd and no boyfriend because she was always watching her hands. if aspie women does not have serve ocd then she can easily get boyfriend.



LKL
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15 Nov 2012, 11:17 pm

You're being deliberately obtuse. I've offered you a resource at your fingertips to educate yourself; if you can't be bothered, I'm not going to argue with you any more.



billiscool
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15 Nov 2012, 11:35 pm

LKL wrote:
You're being deliberately obtuse. I've offered you a resource at your fingertips to educate yourself; if you can't be bothered, I'm not going to argue with you any more.


The reason why I think every aspie women can easily get a boyfriend is because of all these ''super shy aspie girl who can't make a single friend, hates going out and doing stuff and very nervous and has no idea how to talk to a man'' somehow by the grace of god has a boyfriend. I read so many aspie forums, social anxiety forum, shyness forum. and they all have the same ''Im so nervous around men and hate doing stuff but my boyfriend really loves me''