FWB relationships - your opinion?

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What about the FWB people that don't make you join the club? Are they okay?

Yes, I said twice that I'm ok with people that are into a friendship with benefits if they don't try to sell me that option constantly. There were men I dated that tried to make me a friend with benefits but I was not interested. They tried to convince me. it's like if saying that I don't like the FWB offended them.

*doublepost*

Last edited by cakey on 14 May 2013, 9:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I know BanjoGirl, it's strange that although we all keep repeating how we are fine with other people's FWB option, they still keep trying to say we are somehow against them. It's a never-ending battle! But all well!

Maybe you're good with judging who are dangerous and who are not from the get go, but most people I know who talk about unconditional love tend to be quite naive and always assume the best in some of the "worst" people I've met. This ends them up often being abused by the ones they unconditionally love and them excusing the abuse and justifying it against others.

If that is because my previous posts, let me put in black over white.

Let me quote you again:



And then let me say clearly again.

I don't care if you feel Ok in a FWB or you don't. If you like it, that's Ok. If you don't, that's Ok too. This is your decission, your business and your problem, and I couldn't care less about your preferences.

But when you say that somebody that has a FWB is using another person, you're accusing other people of unmoral and harmful behaviour. Among them, you're accusing me, since I have had FWBs. And so you're telling me unmoral, and you're telling me that I used other people for my personal fulfillment without regard to anything else (quoting you).

So, please, don't lie about what you said and about what other people said. It's not fair neither honest. Neither moral.

Yes, I consider myself good. It's just that sex is my personal expression of love, something I don't do with friends. The world isn't nice at all, it is dangerous; so one must really judge wisely. Thanks for the feedback.

You have insulted me and you have insulted many other people who have FWBs and treat them honestly and carefully. I'm glad you find it funny, because I don't.

I don't think she means to insult anyone. It's just that she doesn't like it for herself. I don't think she is attacking anyone else's choices like that apple clown dude does with his extreme fundamentalism. There's a difference. She is just expressing a preference for herself, from what I have read. Nothing wrong with that, I guess. I am personally against commitment but don't care if others want to commit (just stay away from me!! lol)

EDIT: never mind. I read this:



I don't think it's fair to make assumptions about what is "typical" based on your personal values and preferences.

I don't see what the big deal is. People use each other for practically everything they're after.

I don't know what happened earlier in the conversation, but of the people I've known in FWB, half were honestly that - friends.

The other half were just tricking/manipulating people into slightly-longer-term casual sex.

Tyrion:
Hi. Okay, so I should have stated that it's typical of what I see around me. A lot of girlfriends complain about developing feelings while having FWB. Although there isn't research for everyone. I at least found this to support a bit of what I meant when I said typical :
"The biggest reported disadvantage of this recreational sex was the possibility that feelings would develop (65.3 percent). Other worries included "harm friendship" (28.2 percent) and "cause negative emotions" (27.4 percent). Concern over pregnancy and STDs, listed as "negative consequences of sex," came in at only 9.7 percent."

http://www.livescience.com/5391-survey- ... ommon.html

How many of these concerns would apply to other types of relationships also?

Let's go with committed relationships:

- feelings develop, things don't work out = abandonment and hurt. At least with FWB, there's more of an understanding that it's temporary, so it hurts less when it doesn't work out long-term.

- harm friendships: yes, not only the person you're dating (potentially) but also other friends. I know countless women who gave up a lot--including friends-- in order to have a traditional family, only to see it end badly. 50% of marriages end in divorce. At least with FWB, the stakes stakes are lower.

- STD's/pregnancy. My mother had 9 children due to not using birth control in a traditional family. That, on an annual income of less than $10,000/year (and sometimes significantly less), made up for an interesting upbringing.

Other things:

- You invest a lot in a relationship, and then, like most relationships committed or not, it ends at some point.

- You have the same issue with non-reciprocal feelings in committed relationships too. Many people enter committed relationships because of social pressure and then end up causing hurt and probably cheating at some point. You can't just assume that, in FWB, the problem is that the feelings aren't mutual and just assume it's different for committed relationships. It's not.

I agree that FWB has benefits,just not benefits I rather have. I was just backing up how people do worry about feelings in FWB is all since you said I couldn't state it as an opinion because I thought people would remember the title of the thread so I didn't state that people typically develop feelings was an opinion based on my own experience, but it is. I just know I wouldn't personally do it. If it works for you, then that's great.

In addition, I agree that feelings are an issue in a committed relatrionship as well. But in relationships the terms and expectations are clearly understood by both parties. If a person doesn't love the other, then they break up and that's the end. But in a FWB situation, feelings aren't supposed to develop since it's simply Friends with benefits. So once a person starts developing feelings in FWB, they'll only end up hurt because the other person probably doesn't feel the same way. So if I am to have feelings, I want it in a commited relationship, where we understand each other's needs and I can develop emotions freely since we aren't friends.

But, this is all my opinion and I can understand if a person doesn't need a relationship to be happy in FWB too.
So it all boils down to how a person feels about it.