11 Apr 2015, 4:53 pm
11 Apr 2015, 4:56 pm
11 Apr 2015, 4:58 pm
11 Apr 2015, 4:59 pm
kraftiekortie wrote:
You'll find plenty of married autistic people here.
I'm partial to Donkey Kong myself.
I'm partial to Donkey Kong myself.
That wouldn't surprise, there seem to be a lot of women in the forum.
11 Apr 2015, 5:00 pm
11 Apr 2015, 5:01 pm
11 Apr 2015, 5:10 pm
11 Apr 2015, 5:23 pm
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
Ia that aspie women have different problems, like ending up with abusive mates. Thats still not winning.
I seldom get asked out. Men who ask me out are usually old enough to be my grandfather or father.
I get passed over, rejected, taken advantage of. Im difficult to read like many aspie men.
I seldom get asked out. Men who ask me out are usually old enough to be my grandfather or father.
I get passed over, rejected, taken advantage of. Im difficult to read like many aspie men.
if the goal is just to get a relationship/date, which for mean is the only goal. then there is a clear winner. in the grand scheme of a long lasting healthy relationships both sexes are screwed. I'd rather have had abusive relationships than non at all. even abusive ones would increase my odds of getting another relationship.
I have on the other hand been taken advantage of and not gotten the other benefits of relationship.
though i do't see what good comes from debating who gets hurt more
as for me besisdes the regular stuff that leads to unattractiveness like no job, ugly, fat, and political differences. people hardly ever know I am a aspie.
so only thing is that I require a while of text based messages to become comfortable enough to meet in person. this means I'll also be able to well talk in person rather than just being silent the whole time. It allows me to feels safe with the person and open up to be my self with them.
however most women seem to expect you to ask them out after the first 1-3 messages. to me this is not enough time to do that. I prefer few weeks of conversation a few days at least.
There's more to dating than just getting a date or relationship (read: quality).
Having been in an emotionally (and nearly physically) abusive relationship, I'd prefer no relationship. My gripe is, to me it's like you're saying "Well, your spouse hit you/berated you/assaulted you but hey, at least you had a relationship. Dating crazy men hasn't increased my odds of finding another relationship. I genuinely wonder why you think even an abusive relationship up your chances of having another relationship? I feel like you are romanticizing relationships, even abusive ones.
I don't want to debate who has it harder, but some guys seem to think even an aspie woman can snap her fingers, and men grovel at her feet.
Heck, most men expect sex after 1-3 messages.
11 Apr 2015, 5:32 pm
nomoretears wrote:
Heck, most men expect sex after 1-3 messages.
Well, sex is important to guys. I won't harp on you too bad for not understanding though, seeing as most NT women seem equally clueless about that fact.
11 Apr 2015, 5:53 pm
Gauldoth wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
Heck, most men expect sex after 1-3 messages.
Well, sex is important to guys. I won't harp on you too bad for not understanding though, seeing as most NT women seem equally clueless about that fact.
I get it, I get it. I've had guys pull out all the stops to potentially have 5-10 min of sex, some even pretended like they really liked me to get sex. Trust me, i get it, but there's more to life than sex. Truthfully, getting the sex seems like the #1 priority, another reason i don't even want to date. Guys think it's cute, but it's doesn't feel good being an interchangeable, random hole for some guy who doesn't care about you.
I think if he's that thirsty he should just get a hooker or go on adult friend finder. *shrug*
11 Apr 2015, 6:06 pm
nomoretears wrote:
Gauldoth wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
Heck, most men expect sex after 1-3 messages.
Well, sex is important to guys. I won't harp on you too bad for not understanding though, seeing as most NT women seem equally clueless about that fact.
I get it, I get it. I've had guys pull out all the stops to potentially have 5-10 min of sex, some even pretended like they really liked me to get sex. Trust me, i get it, but there's more to life than sex. Truthfully, getting the sex seems like the #1 priority, another reason i don't even want to date. Guys think it's cute, but it's doesn't feel good being an interchangeable, random hole for some guy who doesn't care about you.
I think if he's that thirsty he should just get a hooker or go on adult friend finder. *shrug*
Again, I don't expect you to understand and I won't harp on you too much for it. You're a woman, it's normal for you to not care about sex, but try to understand that it's a little more complicated than that.
11 Apr 2015, 6:46 pm
Gauldoth wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
Gauldoth wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
Heck, most men expect sex after 1-3 messages.
Well, sex is important to guys. I won't harp on you too bad for not understanding though, seeing as most NT women seem equally clueless about that fact.
I get it, I get it. I've had guys pull out all the stops to potentially have 5-10 min of sex, some even pretended like they really liked me to get sex. Trust me, i get it, but there's more to life than sex. Truthfully, getting the sex seems like the #1 priority, another reason i don't even want to date. Guys think it's cute, but it's doesn't feel good being an interchangeable, random hole for some guy who doesn't care about you.
I think if he's that thirsty he should just get a hooker or go on adult friend finder. *shrug*
Again, I don't expect you to understand and I won't harp on you too much for it. You're a woman, it's normal for you to not care about sex, but try to understand that it's a little more complicated than that.
Its not that I dont care about it. Theres just nore to life and dating than sex.
It honestly doesnt seem too complicated-get sex asap. I really dont care as long as guy is upfront and doesnt try to lie or sweet talk me.
11 Apr 2015, 6:48 pm
11 Apr 2015, 7:49 pm
nomoretears wrote:
aspiesavant wrote:
First of all, I think there's a big difference between men and women. In my experience, female Aspies don't struggle nearly as much with failing to attract the opposite sex, although they do have other problems male Asperger's don't have (like being easier targets for sexual predators).
The following are some of the main reasons men and women with Asperger's fail to attract those of the opposite sex, based on my personal experience. I by no means wish to argue that these are the only reasons or that all of these apply to each and everyone with Asperger's. It is by no means intended as a scientific analysis, but only as an overview of my personal and very individual perception of the matter.
For men with Asperger's :
* Dating typically involves a ritual known as flirting. It creates sexual tension that increases the attraction of women towards men. As most men with Asperger's are incapable of flirting (or have very poor flirting skills), it's hard for them to create this (often necessary) sexual tension.
* Confidence (of the appearance thereof) is a very attractive trait in men. Many men with Asperger's are insecure or have the outward appearance of being insecure.
* Men with Asperger's often appear more childlike and thus less mature than they really are.
* Many men with Asperger's struggle with personal hygiene and/or dressing themselves in a way that is appealing to women.
* Women tend to find comfort in small talk. Men with Asperger's generally loathe small talk and/or struggle when trying to engage in small talk.
* Men with Asperger's tend to have unusual lifestyles and/or interests most women can't relate to.
* Men with Asperger's tend to be clumsy and/or fail to appreciate social conventions, which makes many women feel awkward of even ashamed of when being in their presence.
* ...
For women with Asperger's :
* Many women with Asperger's are more androgynous in their thinking, their behavior and/or their overall appearance than other women, which makes them less appealing to some men.
* Many women with Asperger's are more aloof than other women, which is a turnoff for many men.
How to deal with this :
* Internet dating can help overcome some of these issues. I met most of my exes and my current girlfriend on the Internet.
* Focus your attention on geeky / quirky men or women. They're more likely to appreciate your quirks.
* Once you establish a connection with someone, be open about your Asperger's. People are more likely to be forgiving about your quirks than if you don't inform them.
The following are some of the main reasons men and women with Asperger's fail to attract those of the opposite sex, based on my personal experience. I by no means wish to argue that these are the only reasons or that all of these apply to each and everyone with Asperger's. It is by no means intended as a scientific analysis, but only as an overview of my personal and very individual perception of the matter.
For men with Asperger's :
* Dating typically involves a ritual known as flirting. It creates sexual tension that increases the attraction of women towards men. As most men with Asperger's are incapable of flirting (or have very poor flirting skills), it's hard for them to create this (often necessary) sexual tension.
* Confidence (of the appearance thereof) is a very attractive trait in men. Many men with Asperger's are insecure or have the outward appearance of being insecure.
* Men with Asperger's often appear more childlike and thus less mature than they really are.
* Many men with Asperger's struggle with personal hygiene and/or dressing themselves in a way that is appealing to women.
* Women tend to find comfort in small talk. Men with Asperger's generally loathe small talk and/or struggle when trying to engage in small talk.
* Men with Asperger's tend to have unusual lifestyles and/or interests most women can't relate to.
* Men with Asperger's tend to be clumsy and/or fail to appreciate social conventions, which makes many women feel awkward of even ashamed of when being in their presence.
* ...
For women with Asperger's :
* Many women with Asperger's are more androgynous in their thinking, their behavior and/or their overall appearance than other women, which makes them less appealing to some men.
* Many women with Asperger's are more aloof than other women, which is a turnoff for many men.
How to deal with this :
* Internet dating can help overcome some of these issues. I met most of my exes and my current girlfriend on the Internet.
* Focus your attention on geeky / quirky men or women. They're more likely to appreciate your quirks.
* Once you establish a connection with someone, be open about your Asperger's. People are more likely to be forgiving about your quirks than if you don't inform them.
I'm a girl, and I've struggled with just about everything on the men's..and women's list. As far as mens' list, I tend to have similar hobbies to men, which to many men is not attractive. Maybe it just be a list of what aspies in general struggle with?
never met or talked to any guy who doesn't go and and on about hwo they wish their gf or more women were into their hobbies. just about every male gun owner would love to meet a female gun owner. every male gamer dreams of a female gamer. I doubt though a female into shopping would want a male whos super into shopping
nomoretears wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
Ia that aspie women have different problems, like ending up with abusive mates. Thats still not winning.
I seldom get asked out. Men who ask me out are usually old enough to be my grandfather or father.
I get passed over, rejected, taken advantage of. Im difficult to read like many aspie men.
I seldom get asked out. Men who ask me out are usually old enough to be my grandfather or father.
I get passed over, rejected, taken advantage of. Im difficult to read like many aspie men.
if the goal is just to get a relationship/date, which for mean is the only goal. then there is a clear winner. in the grand scheme of a long lasting healthy relationships both sexes are screwed. I'd rather have had abusive relationships than non at all. even abusive ones would increase my odds of getting another relationship.
I have on the other hand been taken advantage of and not gotten the other benefits of relationship.
though i do't see what good comes from debating who gets hurt more
as for me besisdes the regular stuff that leads to unattractiveness like no job, ugly, fat, and political differences. people hardly ever know I am a aspie.
so only thing is that I require a while of text based messages to become comfortable enough to meet in person. this means I'll also be able to well talk in person rather than just being silent the whole time. It allows me to feels safe with the person and open up to be my self with them.
however most women seem to expect you to ask them out after the first 1-3 messages. to me this is not enough time to do that. I prefer few weeks of conversation a few days at least.
There's more to dating than just getting a date or relationship (read: quality).
Having been in an emotionally (and nearly physically) abusive relationship, I'd prefer no relationship. My gripe is, to me it's like you're saying "Well, your spouse hit you/berated you/assaulted you but hey, at least you had a relationship. Dating crazy men hasn't increased my odds of finding another relationship. I genuinely wonder why you think even an abusive relationship up your chances of having another relationship? I feel like you are romanticizing relationships, even abusive ones.
I don't want to debate who has it harder, but some guys seem to think even an aspie woman can snap her fingers, and men grovel at her feet.
Heck, most men expect sex after 1-3 messages.
I've dealt with abusive manipulating women and never got a relationship out of it. so basically all the bad and non of the good.
you're a woman. men prefer women to have 0 or few relationships. women prefer men to have relationship experience.
men prefer virgins, women prefer men who have experience and are good at sex because of it.
are there those who go against this yeah , but the majority don't
i got hit by woman and got no cuddles no hugs no kissing no romance. I'm assuming you got some of that before he showed his abusive side? most abusive men lure women in with those things at first. the phrase " he use to be so nice and sweet" comes to mind.
nope just saying if the end goal is a relationship or a date then women win way more often. If your goal is a good healthy long term relationship then yeah sucks for both, but for many aspie men our goal is just to get one single date. as most of us haven't even gotten that far. I've had a few dates, but never anything on going, so some possible abusive relationship isn't even come across in my mind, heck though its the onlly one I see happening. as abusive lying women are the only ones interested in me for the part. cause well the guy with a job, and confidence isn't likely to let them abuse him.
I don't I do want sex and I will talk about it with women. but as for actually deed. I need to have talked via text with them for 3 days - a month. met in person a bunch of times with some touching and cuddling, then dry humping can happen. maybe after hanging out in person a whole bunch and if I feel safe and unpressured then sex can happen we'd have to be in a committed relationship though for that. this is a bit of a turn off to women on dating sites who expect to meet up after 1-3 messages and have sex anywhere fromt the 2nd -4th date.
one girl tried pressuring me into having sex with her on our first meet. wanted me to come over just for sex. she go so irritated by my indecision she stopped talking to me. I cant' decide something like that that fast without even being comfortable with her. I hate having a sex drive mixed with seeing sex as a love bond between to close people.
I also get emotionally connected more and more from sex and physical touch. a hug isn't just a hug to me. suppose thats why I don't hug just anyone. women here seem to just see sex as just sex or even a way to get a guy. on the other hand I am not the guy who will wait til marriage either. and I'd like sex often. but more I have it the more attached I'll get. super annoying. when I'm with a girl I can't stop thinking about wanting her especially if shes got a attractive personality but if they try to do sex too soon I'll freak out. pretty sure I'm one of gods jokes he does to have fun.
also interferes with my wanting cuddles and hugs and to learn all about her and her hobbies. its a tough struggle and I have to relieve myself to control it which becomes a horrible stressful thing given my loyalty to women I care fore and feeling that doing so is bad and betrayal. sex is bad. so why do I want it. why do women say they hate it but then demand it soo fast.
another reason women don't date me I guess.
11 Apr 2015, 7:50 pm
11 Apr 2015, 8:19 pm
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