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"You need to work on yourself!"

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Fnord
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08 Nov 2018, 2:24 pm

Some people just aren't happy unless they're miserable.

8) Yes, I meant to say that.



Marknis
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08 Nov 2018, 2:47 pm

I've just been given so many mixed signals and messages as well as have had some disgusting observations put in my sight that it's made me feel like love can't happen for me. It feels like I always strike out for some reason or another.

There was actually a brief period in my life where I just wanted sex because love felt impossible for me and I was suffering from summertime sexual tension (Girls in bikinis tend to be a common sight in my area during the summer and my older brother was getting girls as well as having girls come up to him) so I actually paid a "fling" site out of desperation. But even on that site I was rejected. A girl my age put up a video of herself having sex with a guy who was in his 40's and another was letting some jock called "beat brains" screw her.



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Nov 2018, 5:29 pm

Wanna know what you need to do to "work on yourself"? Here: https://ghostreport.files.wordpress.com ... ow-635.mp3

Listen from about 12:00 to 18:30



ShyGirl7
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08 Nov 2018, 7:58 pm

Fnord wrote:
Too Much Conflict and Arguing are each cited as causes in more than 50% of all divorces.


Thank you for proving my point. :wink:

And "Too much Conflict and arguing" and Domestic Violence tend to blur into each other.

And while the people who wrote that study are above cheese sandwiches in intelligence, psychology itself tends to be politically driven pseudoscience.

So yes, the cause of most divorces most of the time involves some form of abuse.



ShyGirl7
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08 Nov 2018, 8:23 pm

hurtloam wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Why do you guys have a propensity to gravitate towards focussing on the negative traits? She's not with him for the negatives. It's the positives these women like.

I hadn't thought of that before but it's true. When people really like someone they don't really notice the negatives.


Most women subconsciously enjoy the negatives - and are not consciously aware of it.


What nonsense. They complain to their friends about the negatives.

Like, "he doesn't spend enough time with me" or telling you about how he nit picks stupid little things.


And then they stay with that guy.

hurtloam wrote:
Women aren't stupid


And then they stay with that guy.



AngelRho
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08 Nov 2018, 8:59 pm

Wow...don’t be so shy, ShyGirl7! lol



magz
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09 Nov 2018, 4:09 am

ShyGirl7 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Why do you guys have a propensity to gravitate towards focussing on the negative traits? She's not with him for the negatives. It's the positives these women like.

I hadn't thought of that before but it's true. When people really like someone they don't really notice the negatives.


Most women subconsciously enjoy the negatives - and are not consciously aware of it.



So are you saying that most women are idiot?


Correct.

Most also have a genetically-predisposed inability to choose their mates properly.

They reproduce with abusive-males, creating more abusive-males - where the problem has been generational since the beggining of Mankind.

This is the primary source of problems in the world - most women being designed to be stupid - reproducing with bad men and in turn creating more bad men, which then reproduce with more stupid women.

And then the problem repeats itself, generation over generation, over and over again.

This is the kind of feminism I despise. Trying to fight for women but having no respect for them and no belief in their capabilities of being responsible citizens.

Women who stay with that guy are either predisposed by their culture not to expect anything better or catched in their own psychological repetition compulsion (frequent among people abused in childhood). Or both.

And what about men catched in similar relationships with, say, a controlling woman not leaving them space to breathe?


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magz
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09 Nov 2018, 4:17 am

AngelRho wrote:
I think she’s referring to women who enjoy complaining and gossip.

The only time I ever dared attempt telling my SO who her friends could/couldn’t be, it was over something like that. In short, she was hanging with a bunch of bitties who had little else to do but complain about men. And when she didn’t join in, they proceeded to tell her what an awful person I was. Not long after things started getting really tense at our house, and that’s when it came out what was happening. Something eventually happened that for me was the final straw and I basically said, “it’s either them or me.”

Women will often dump guys at that point. She acknowledged that those women really were doing a lot of damage to our relationship and that we were more important together than her weekly girl’s night out.

I’ve had gf’s before who were more/less like that. No man or woman should tolerate that from a SO. Yet people will always derive pleasure from blowing off steam at the expense of a bf or gf.

I see a big difference between telling your friend "we argued again today, I did this and he got emotional and said that, so I got emotional, too, and..." and only repeating things like "he is an abusive slob".
Women are likely to discuss their relationships with friends but they can do it in either healthy or unhealthy ways. It looks like those friends gravitated towards the very unhealthy end.


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hurtloam
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09 Nov 2018, 4:49 am

ShyGirl7 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Why do you guys have a propensity to gravitate towards focussing on the negative traits? She's not with him for the negatives. It's the positives these women like.

I hadn't thought of that before but it's true. When people really like someone they don't really notice the negatives.


Most women subconsciously enjoy the negatives - and are not consciously aware of it.


What nonsense. They complain to their friends about the negatives.

Like, "he doesn't spend enough time with me" or telling you about how he nit picks stupid little things.


And then they stay with that guy.

hurtloam wrote:
Women aren't stupid


And then they stay with that guy.


That doesn't mean that they enjoy the negatives.

I'm not talking about abusive men here.

I lived with my friend's nit picking husband. We shared an apartment for a bit. He really is a genuinely nice guy. He's just weird about stupid things. The guys on here would think he's a dumb jock. But I would share an apartment with him again. He's alright. I wouldn't date him. We're too different.

My point is, women see the negatives, but they also like the really good points more. So that dumb guy you see that girl with. Yeah, she knows he's not the brightest, but he's also got some really nice qualities you maybe don't realise are there.



AngelRho
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09 Nov 2018, 7:53 am

magz wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
I think she’s referring to women who enjoy complaining and gossip.

The only time I ever dared attempt telling my SO who her friends could/couldn’t be, it was over something like that. In short, she was hanging with a bunch of bitties who had little else to do but complain about men. And when she didn’t join in, they proceeded to tell her what an awful person I was. Not long after things started getting really tense at our house, and that’s when it came out what was happening. Something eventually happened that for me was the final straw and I basically said, “it’s either them or me.”

Women will often dump guys at that point. She acknowledged that those women really were doing a lot of damage to our relationship and that we were more important together than her weekly girl’s night out.

I’ve had gf’s before who were more/less like that. No man or woman should tolerate that from a SO. Yet people will always derive pleasure from blowing off steam at the expense of a bf or gf.

I see a big difference between telling your friend "we argued again today, I did this and he got emotional and said that, so I got emotional, too, and..." and only repeating things like "he is an abusive slob".
Women are likely to discuss their relationships with friends but they can do it in either healthy or unhealthy ways. It looks like those friends gravitated towards the very unhealthy end.

Exactly.

Stuff happens. We can say things that are perfectly innocent. And without knowing a person's situation, nothing more than saying "Hi! How was your day?" is enough to make you seem like an insensitive jerk.

I don't have a problem with my wife going to a friend in private and saying:

Her: He's such a great guy. But he asked me how my day was. I just found out my sister died, and I'm not ready to talk to him about it.
Friend: Oh, I'm so sorry. You can say whatever you need to say. I'm listening...

THIS I have a problem with:

Her: He's so effing stupid. My boss chews gum SO FREAKIN LOUD that I can't get any work done. And my husband has the nerve to ask me how my day was? @$$hole!

All her friends at a popular hangout, in unison: GET A DIVORCE!! !

Even worse, at the same popular hangout:

Ringleader: Your husband is so stupid.

Her: [laughing]

Other friends in turn: Yeah, you should just leave him.

Her: I love him, and he's not so bad.

Other friends: But he's so DUMB! [mocking behavior]

Her: [laughing] Ok, he does that, but I don't want to leave him.

Ringleader: Seriously. Get a divorce.



Fnord
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09 Nov 2018, 9:35 am

ShyGirl7 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Too Much Conflict and Arguing are each cited as causes in more than 50% of all divorces.
Thank you for proving my point.
I have done no such thing.
ShyGirl7 wrote:
And "Too much Conflict and arguing" and Domestic Violence tend to blur into each other.
We are in conflict right now. Are you experiencing violence?
ShyGirl7 wrote:
And while the people who wrote that study are above cheese sandwiches in intelligence, psychology itself tends to be politically driven pseudoscience.
What are your qualifications? Do you even have any real education on the subject? Can you provide evidence to support your claim that involves neither convoluted "logic" nor outright lies?
ShyGirl7 wrote:
So yes, the cause of most divorces most of the time involves some form of abuse.
So no, you seem to be one of those who tries to twist even the most obvious facts to the contrary into irrelevant "proof" of your claims. Get over yourself. You are wrong, and the experts are right. That's all there is to it.



Last edited by Fnord on 09 Nov 2018, 9:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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09 Nov 2018, 9:36 am

The "abuse" causing the divorce could be emotional/psychological.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 09 Nov 2018, 9:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

AngelRho
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09 Nov 2018, 9:45 am

Shinku Tora wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Why do you guys have a propensity to gravitate towards focussing on the negative traits? She's not with him for the negatives. It's the positives these women like.

I hadn't thought of that before but it's true. When people really like someone they don't really notice the negatives.


Most women subconsciously enjoy the negatives - and are not consciously aware of it.



So are you saying that most women are idiot?


Correct.

Most also have a genetically-predisposed inability to choose their mates properly.

They reproduce with abusive-males, creating more abusive-males - where the problem has been generational since the beggining of Mankind.

This is the primary source of problems in the world - most women being designed to be stupid - reproducing with bad men and in turn creating more bad men, which then reproduce with more stupid women.

And then the problem repeats itself, generation over generation, over and over again.


This is probably the most sexist post ever posted in WP history; well....at least self-sexist since you're a woman too.


You’re not going to try to say it’s “internalized misogyny” are you? Nothing more condescending than implying women can’t have their own opinions.

It’s just Boo being Boo. Her post is just the kind of thing that would make your typical victim class, ultra-radical, leftist, feminist, Bacchante head explode, precisely BECAUSE it’s a woman saying it.



Fnord
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09 Nov 2018, 9:48 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
The "abuse" causing the divorce could be emotional/psychological.
The only abuse mentioned in the NIH listing is "substance abuse". The list clearly separates physical violence (e.g., assault and battery) from simple conflict (a.k.a., disagreement), despite ShyGirl's efforts to pretend otherwise.

Perhaps if you and she were to actually read through the entire article, you might view this topic differently.

The simple facts of the matter are: Less than 1 in 4 divorces involve some form of violence as a triggering factor, and The list does not indicate who is committing the violence against whom.

ShyGirl wants us to believe that violence is the primary cause of all divorces, and that all of the violence is committed solely by men. She's simply wrong on both counts.



kraftiekortie
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09 Nov 2018, 9:57 am

I agree with what you say about physical violence and divorces.

I feel like Shy was broadening the definition of "abuse," which I suppose is not in concert with the views of the article.

She was imparting her own views on the matter, outside the strict definitions of the article.



Fnord
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09 Nov 2018, 10:19 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
... She was imparting her own views on the matter...
Indeed.
kraftiekortie wrote:
... outside the strict definitions of the article.
Actually, outside the established definitions of the terms used and the process of scientific inquiry.

Re-defining terms to fit one's own claims is common with salespeople, con artists, narcissists and politicians. She could (hypothetically) re-define "violence" to include abandonment, ghosting, and giving someone the silent treatment, but it would still be only her definitions, and therefore irrelevant and immaterial to any reasonable argument.