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Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 May 2020, 3:45 pm

Question to sly: No other male you know in retail (same as your job) has a girlfriend?



sly279
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13 May 2020, 4:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Question to sly: No other male you know in retail (same as your job) has a girlfriend?

Not any of them working permanent retail.
The ones who do are either working it as side non for discount, going to college or working it while looking for a real job. So they either have a real job or are expected to get a real job. They aren’t going be working retail for rest of life or their only job.

One guy is dating one of the managers but he’s qualified to work welding or electrician so looking for one of those. He be making loads of money then.
The others are older and this is either side job or they retired, or they’re going to college with expectations to get real jobs.

I’m only one who’s 32 working there with no plans for something better. And they always tell me “you should find a real job sly, you can’t keep working retail.” “ don’t you want to have a family sly, you better get a real job so you can” “ they hiring at the saw mill sly “ etc etc. or asking why I’m not in college or something. Some of the women working there point out that it’s unattractive I’m working retail and I need to grow up and find real work.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 May 2020, 4:09 pm

sly279 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Question to sly: No other male you know in retail (same as your job) has a girlfriend?

Not any of them working permanent retail.
The ones who do are either working it as side non for discount, going to college or working it while looking for a real job. So they either have a real job or are expected to get a real job. They aren’t going be working retail for rest of life or their only job.

One guy is dating one of the managers but he’s qualified to work welding or electrician so looking for one of those. He be making loads of money then.
The others are older and this is either side job or they retired, or they’re going to college with expectations to get real jobs.

I’m only one who’s 32 working there with no plans for something better. And they always tell me “you should find a real job sly, you can’t keep working retail.” “ don’t you want to have a family sly, you better get a real job so you can” “ they hiring at the saw mill sly “ etc etc. or asking why I’m not in college or something. Some of the women working there point out that it’s unattractive I’m working retail and I need to grow up and find real work.


Do the older ones have partners?



funeralxempire
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13 May 2020, 4:11 pm

sly279 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Aspergers almost always presents as “mild autism.”

I feel very few people here, or perhaps nobody here, are “nonfunctional.” It’s more like they experience challenges when it come to “functionality.”

In a world that requires people be normal and functional to be considered for dating that’s all it takes to be unloveable.


Not really, I've got the social skills, appearance, hygiene and temperament of an orc on PCP and I've managed to be loved. It isn't just a matter of the skills you possess, it's also how you apply them. If the persona you present is uninteresting and distant that's going to undermine you even if you're otherwise well-equipped socially.

Functional means getting a career, car, house etc, being a contributing member of society, something many aspies struggle with.
Every single kid is raised to try to achieve that. It’s what expected of every single human alive. When one can’t achieve that they are seen as not functioning and not worthy of love or dating. To date them would hold the other person back from achieving it. It’s survival of the strong and the weak must be left behind.


The thing is, you're not the only person with those struggles. There are potential partners who share those struggles and generally speaking, people who share those struggles are more likely to sympathize with your situation because they're in the same boat.

Yes, if you insist on pursuing partners who don't share those issues you are likely to have your issues held against you, which is perfectly fair since that person wants an equal partner just like everyone else. It's not really reasonable to expect that someone will just overlook whatever negatives a potential partner brings, just because on some level it seems like it isn't fair to have to be judged with those factors in play, life isn't fair and we're all stuck dealing with the cards we've been dealt.

You can keep insisting there aren't potential partners out there for people like us; you're welcome to believe it all you like but in my experience it simply isn't true. Sitting and wallowing in self-pity isn't going to get you a sigoth and since I can't force you to accept the truth all I can do is repeat myself, read a few arguments about how things are utterly hopeless and then go out and prove you guys wrong yet again.

Speaking of, I'm off to go get more building supplies and potentially demonstrate that it isn't hopeless for guys like me. :mrgreen:


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13 May 2020, 5:24 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Question to sly: No other male you know in retail (same as your job) has a girlfriend?

Not any of them working permanent retail.
The ones who do are either working it as side non for discount, going to college or working it while looking for a real job. So they either have a real job or are expected to get a real job. They aren’t going be working retail for rest of life or their only job.

One guy is dating one of the managers but he’s qualified to work welding or electrician so looking for one of those. He be making loads of money then.
The others are older and this is either side job or they retired, or they’re going to college with expectations to get real jobs.

I’m only one who’s 32 working there with no plans for something better. And they always tell me “you should find a real job sly, you can’t keep working retail.” “ don’t you want to have a family sly, you better get a real job so you can” “ they hiring at the saw mill sly “ etc etc. or asking why I’m not in college or something. Some of the women working there point out that it’s unattractive I’m working retail and I need to grow up and find real work.


Do the older ones have partners?

Yes but they worked good jobs or are working good jobs. Like one guy sells batteries and makes Lots of money.. He’s married with kids and grand kids. Others are retired and bored.


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kraftiekortie
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13 May 2020, 6:26 pm

Perhaps it’s because Sly lives in a college town that has lots of materialism

I would bet Sly would do better in a place like North Platte, Nebraska. Not a bad-looking town with many working-class people who are conservative yet not nutty in their conservatism.



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13 May 2020, 6:43 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I guess what's considered "mild" is in the eye of the beholder. All of you are looking at AS through the prism of your own experiences.

AS includes a huge swathe of people with IQ > 70 and no communication deficits I'm guessing there's plenty of people who wear the label and are struggling to be functional, but hey, isn't one of the symptoms being highly self-absorbed?.

I agree with Sly on this one....

I thought we all had communication deficits? I thought ASD was classed as a communication disorder (although we all have other issues as well). On the surface I appear to communicate well but beyond that I am communicating one way and everyone else is communicating another way (and with much less effort) this causes constant miss communication that is occasionally a problem for them and always a problem for me.


One of the reasons DSMV absorbed Aspergers under the autism umbrella was it was getting harder to justify separating Aspergers on the basis of communication deficits when taking developmental changes into consideration. For example children born with serious communication deficits but high IQ could not be classified as aspergers under DSMIV but could be rediagnosed as adults from "high functioning autistic" to "Aspergers" when they started talking normally (for example Temple Grandin).

The reality of course was there was a myriad of communication and learning deficits in people even when placed in Aspergers by the likes of Atwood or Baron-Cohen. I worked out by 2012 I knew as much as these fellows about the condition as they did.



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13 May 2020, 6:47 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Perhaps it’s because Sly lives in a college town that has lots of materialism

I would bet Sly would do better in a place like North Platte, Nebraska. Not a bad-looking town with many working-class people who are conservative yet not nutty in their conservatism.


In Australia the moment you move out of urban areas into rural the only women you meet are married, dating or barmaids. It's also a numbers game.



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13 May 2020, 8:10 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
I thought we all had communication deficits? I thought ASD was classed as a communication disorder (although we all have other issues as well). On the surface I appear to communicate well but beyond that I am communicating one way and everyone else is communicating another way (and with much less effort) this causes constant miss communication that is occasionally a problem for them and always a problem for me.


Yes.



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13 May 2020, 8:18 pm

Fnord wrote:
It is estimable that a significant portion of our population has some form of communication deficiency, but this may essentially be a mere mis-perception on the part of individuals displaying more neuro-normative behavior than us.

You know, the kind of folk for whom you gotta dumb-down your words.

:wink: Do you see what I did there?


Aspies tend to have a much better vocabulary, and we tend to be more precise and analytical in our communication approach.
Silly billy NTs tend to be discombobulated, and perhaps threatened, by this,
Hence a lot of the animosity towards us.



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13 May 2020, 8:20 pm

Fnord wrote:
Image


He doesn't look like Hitler.
Fake news.



cyberdad
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14 May 2020, 1:38 am

Pepe wrote:
Fnord wrote:
It is estimable that a significant portion of our population has some form of communication deficiency, but this may essentially be a mere mis-perception on the part of individuals displaying more neuro-normative behavior than us.

You know, the kind of folk for whom you gotta dumb-down your words.

:wink: Do you see what I did there?


Aspies tend to have a much better vocabulary, and we tend to be more precise and analytical in our communication approach.
Silly billy NTs tend to be discombobulated, and perhaps threatened, by this,
Hence a lot of the animosity towards us.


Actually "silly billy NTs" tend to be the ones who make "tend to make approximations" :lol:



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14 May 2020, 4:00 am

https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archi ... ks/272723/

This is a fascinating piece, very true.

Quote:
This isn't to say that "geek" is solely a class marker, nor that geeks experience bullying solely because of class resentments. On the contrary, I think people get bullied for lots of reasons. Most notable of these, perhaps, is homophobia, which is used not just against kids who are gay, but against kids who don't fulfill gender roles in any of a variety of ways. Said failure to fulfill gender roles including, for example, being more into Dungeons and Dragons than football. For that matter, class status and gender issues often map onto each other—so that intellectual interests of any sort can translate, in the schoolyard, into being seen as insufficiently male.

People can also take flak for their hobbies, of course. I've had people in comments on this very site dismiss my writing on the grounds that I'm interested in comics. But I think people who identify as geeks can tend to emphasize such interest-based friction while underestimating class and gender tensions which may have a lot more explanatory force. Thus, for instance, this piece from the Guardian on Alan Turing argues that he was ostracized in school because of his Asperger's and his genius—which is no doubt true. But it completely fails to mention his homosexuality, which is, after all, the main reason the British government decided to hound him to death.



I just remembered my childhood and sly while reading this, perhaps aspie males are generally disliked due to some sort of homophobia after all.



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14 May 2020, 4:12 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I just remembered my childhood and sly while reading this, perhaps aspie males are generally disliked due to some sort of homophobia after all.


One possible example but by no means the only one...



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14 May 2020, 4:31 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I just remembered my childhood and sly while reading this, perhaps aspie males are generally disliked due to some sort of homophobia after all.

Not living up to gender expectations might be part of it in some cases, but it would seem self-evident to me that a greater contributing factor is a pervasive deficit in social skills and an inability to fit in with peers and other people.

There'd have to be a correlation between how likeable you are and how proficient you are in social situations. People who aren't very likeable, who are 'weird', and who don't have the required social skills to form friendships and connections with others are fair game for bullying and teasing, which in turn lowers their social status even more.



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14 May 2020, 4:39 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I just remembered my childhood and sly while reading this, perhaps aspie males are generally disliked due to some sort of homophobia after all.

Not living up to gender expectations might be part of it in some cases, but it would seem self-evident to me that a greater contributing factor is a pervasive deficit in social skills and an inability to fit in with peers and other people.

There'd have to be a correlation between how likeable you are and how proficient you are in social situations. People who aren't very likeable, who are 'weird', and who don't have the required social skills to form friendships and connections with others are fair game for bullying and teasing, which in turn lowers their social status even more.



Since we are talking about 'male' bullying (males bullying males), let's list the typical bullying male targets in schools:

- Short boys
- Very shy boys
- Overweight boys
- Very skinny and weak boys
- Boys who are very bad in sports.
- Arty or nerdy boys.
- Effeminate boys, or gay boys.
- Socially awkward and weird boys(even tho, they often overlap with shy, arty, and/or bad in sports)


What's the common denominator of all these? Not fitting the typical male archetype.