Dating profile, part 2

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Will do. I'll see what she says tomorrow.

Get some happy pictures of you in different settings... really try and have good pictures.

Try and describe yourself without getting too into your interests... Talk about the things that you enjoy WHICH you can enjoy with a partner. IE: Walks, cooking, music, travel. Try and be light hearted, women don't like things to be too serious or dry.

You need to make a profile that shows you would be a nice, fun guy that would be easy to get along with for most people... you don't want to sound like a stick in the mud who only cares about science and sci fi.

You want to make a profile that will seem inviting and attractive to as many women as possible, while still being relatively authentic. It is a "numbers game" after all.

She's replied again, should I mention my AS?

Thanks. I was wanting to work out how to improve my profile anyway, but for the time being, I want to see how far I get with the girl I'm currently chatting to.

I honestly wouldn't, not until you meet up at least once or twice. Chances are, if AS is a dealbreaker, you won't get to the first date, and if you do make it to a first date, you'll know after. Not trying to be negative here, just saying it how I see it.

Let her decide if she likes you based on who you are.

I agree 100%

Although it should happen eventually if/when things get a bit more serious, I am completely against dropping the "A-bomb" too soon. The average NT doesn't even know what it is anyway.

I concour with the school of thought that involves not mentioning AS.

It's something that should be a secondary characteristic of your identity not your first.

Ignore what i'm doing putting up on your profile. I'm intentionally doing so both A) As a filer and B) With what I do for a living it wouldn't really take long for a person to put 2+2 together. Plus all my work colleagues know I have AS as well.

if i was a man it would be tempting to set up similar profiles on different dating sites, one which mentions AS and one which does not, just to see if there is a difference in how women react. there is a whole lot of speculation about how we think women will react, but none of us has any experiences with women online to support either perspective.

Well If i wasn't being so lazy about messaging people i might find out that bit quicker

Well, I haven't yet. In any case she added me to her favorites list, so I decided to return the favor. Oh, and one of the other 3 women I sent a message to on Saturday also just replied to me as well.

I tried that!

I didn't run the experiment for long, but "with AS" I couldn't even get a pre-date (AKA "coffee"), without it I couldn't get a first date (post coffee).

I guess the difference was between telling them and showing them.

My conclusion was that it's better to not disclose, because then you at least get a shot on goal...

yes, but... it didn't work out with the women you had coffee with. so maybe by disclosing you would have been able to filter out many of the women who you would not have been suited to dating anyway. a handful of garnets is nowhere near the worth of a single diamond.

from what people say, it seems like it can take months or in some cases even years to meet someone who is worth dating, so if it starts off slow it isn't a guaranteed failure.

You are just going to argue this aren't you? Sorry, but I'm not satisfied with the answer that if you don't get a first meeting with them due to you mentioning AS in your profile then they must not be worth dating anyway. If they don't know what AS is and they've only heard things like "AS people lack empathy", do you honestly think they're being shallow if they don't want to date you? If so, would you date someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and would think think was shallow not to date someone because they're a narcissist?

If I had to go by that paradigm, then I may as well give up looking for a relationship altogether because I think it's never going to happen. I'd rather have someone know me by my individual personality first, rather than by the disorder.

Yes Jono, yes they will

And it won't get to the reading into more detail part it will stop when the word "syndrome" appears.



Know any NPD's on dating sites? I don't, I doubt their ego would permit them to be on a site where they were not able to dominate it or get whatever kick they were after out of it somehow. It would be amusing to watch though, good idea for a new TV show Narcissitics do online dating.



Welcome to the reason why I never bothered with them till now. And even then this okcupid business is more an experiment on my part. The actual thought of meeting someone i've no prior history of knowing is actually quite off putting and not appealing at all to me. But I persist despite my cynical nature.

I'd much rather meet people who I encounter IRL circumstances it feels far more natural to me then an online meat market does to me.

yes, why wouldn't i continue to express my opinion, as long as the opposite opinion is being expressed? should i stop just because people disagree with me? there was no point of "agree-to-disagree" on here, and people are continuing to state their opinions, so i will continue to do the same.


i have never dated a narcissist. but i dated a diagnosed sociopath once. i don't judge people based on diagnosis, but i would definitely be pretty unhappy to find out later that there was a diagnosis that he didn't trust me to tell me about. assuming that we had some significant communication online first, if a guy waited until after our first in-person meeting to tell me that he has a disorder or disability, i would be really pissed off and any chance with me would be lost. it would look like he had something to hide, and i would feel like he didn't trust me. i would feel tricked into meeting someone without a full understanding of their background.

i have said before that it would be okay if someone mentioned it in emails prior to meeting, as well.

i think that you should be seeking out people who have a bit more patience, a bit more understanding, and a bit more openmindedness... because you have AS and that makes you different. better to filter out the women who are less suitable fairly early on.


i don't really understand what you mean by giving up. slowing down a timeline is not the same as giving up.

one thing i would like to point out is that when this argument was hashed out elsewhere on the forum, it was largely men who felt the same way as you, and mostly women who felt the same way as me. that may be worth thinking about.

Hyperlexian I admire your optimism and idealism, but I'm afraid I think you aren't seeing this issue with a realistic eye.

Trust needs to be established, and unless the online communication is significant, then the time to disclose is after you've started to really get to know someone, and it feels like there's something happening. That's not likely to begin until you meet.

Are you really saying you'd reject a seemingly decent but shy guy who was brave enough to take the chance of sharing the fact that he had AS because he hadn't told you by the second, third or fourth conversation he'd had with you?

Perhaps your relationship with the sociopath is what's sensitized you.

It's not like we aren't disclosing our AS all the time, with the way we behave; communicate, write, talk think, act... these things don't escape notice. It's all available information that NT women particularly are good at noticing and evaluating.



It certainly is. The disconnect here on WP between the sexes on issues of love and sex is evident for anyone to see. I think the above statement actually hurts your appeal rather than supports your argument.



You're being overly optimistic. You're asking men here to risk being alone forever. It really is much harder for men to establish initial contact. We need all the breaks we can get. Trying to shoulder the burden of disclosing something very complex (which really is just a part of who we are) with a possibly negative stigma is a lot to ask.



"Don't wait for the perfect teacher to start Zen, they don't exist."