Friendzone

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Honeslty its not as interesting as you guys would think lol

I always got called to the principles/dean/whatever's office for stuff my "platonic friends" made up.

Dont be friends with them? No friends is better than bad friends
And if you tried to make it sounds like some girl you have a crush on stalks you just for not wanting to be more than friends, you are honesty gonna make it so much worse for youself since people will easily see through that lie. Being caught is such a pathatic lie is not gonna be fun for you, so dont try that.. That 'advice' was honesly just bad in every way and i hope nobody here tries that..

No, the best thing to do is to "ghost" her; that is, to stop making any intentional contact with her, to ignore her when you see her in public, and to minimize your part of any conversation she may start with you (politely, of course).

It's like putting her in the "friendzone", with the added action of showing no interest in her at all.

If she wants to "warm up" the relationship, then let it be entirely up to her. Meanwhile, her friends may become curious and want to know what's going on - because while she tells them that you are interested in her, you don't act like it. They will likely translate that situation into her having a crush on you ... and they will want to find out why by trying to get to know more about you ...

Haha sadly girls arent that easy to fool We catch very quickly if a guy have shown interests in our friends, so before he he even started acting all cold and ignoring her, all the friends would most likely already know it he like her:wink: And starting to act completly different will just make it more suspicious haha

It's worked exceptionally well for me, and on multiple occasions, too!

You must quite the actor skills then haha
Because usually before the guy would even know he is "only a friends" for her, most of the friends already know he likes her
This will also have something to do with the other users post about "what other women talk about when they think nobody's listening", because its really not that interesting evil plotting as guys might think, it can just be like:
"omg guys, did you see know Fnord looked and DoesItMatter while talking to her??" "Yeah i have noticed it too, maybe he likes her haha" "Oh yeah i think so too, ive also been noticing him glancing at her when he thinks nobody is looking" blahblahblah- (DONT TAKE THE NAME SERIOUSLY LOL, you get what i mean right xD)
So usually we all quickly know when someone likes our friends

It sounds like you've been given a laundry list of things you 'need to succeed' and that alone can do somebody in.

There is a lot of questions there and a lot of people will give a lot of (different) advice. Mine is to relax..that there really are no set rules that work for everyone. Some girls are attracted to quiet and shy (i always was), some to social and loud, and some to everyone in between.

The biggest thing i can think of that even comes close to a one-size-fits-all is simply being okay with yourself. You don't need be arrogant (probably a good idea to not be), but simply..whatever flaws you perceive you have, work on the ones you can, and accept the ones you can't.. It sounds very cheesy, but there is something drawing about someone at peace with themselves.

People often don't want to be around someone who is down Allll the time, nor someone who is severely self-deprecating all the time. The same as someone who brags all the time. And, someone forever looking externally to find that which will complete them can come across as somewhat intense, creepy, too much, fill in the word, but it's usually not a good one.. Conversely, someone who is comfortable with themselves, there's a kind of natural confidence that goes along with that and leads to others being curious and interested.

At the same time, if you focus forever on finding her, you can miss life itself..and yet the irony, if you stop actively looking and worrying and trying, and just find things you like to do and start doing them, she may well suddenly show up, drawn to this guy who seems to have a good life going on (and in the meantime, you're enjoying yourself).

Then, when you go on a date, does she have a preference? If it's entirely up to you, then go somewhere you think you'll both enjoy. As it's a first date, it doesn't have to sweep her off her feet. You can keep it simple, just dinner and an evening walk in a park. Or, depending on the girl, it might be a night at an arcade and a walk in the park. If you Realllly like her and think she likes you a lot too, be it the first or third date, somewhere special for her means a lot. E.g. if she mentions in passing that she loves spaghetti, go to a great pasta place...that she loves trees, do a picnic in a foresty area.. You get the idea.

Before the kiss is almost always some sign..your hands brush or you take her hand and she reciprocates. If she pulls away in a minute and then keeps her hands in her pockets, well, maybe tonight's not the night. But even if you hold hands all night, you don't Have to kiss on the first date. If you feel like it's right, if you lean in a bit and so does she, you should be okay to lean a bit more. If she backs away, that's a no. And, you never know, she may lean in first.. (I also have had guys just ask if they could kiss me instead of the whole leaning in game. Personally, i always thought though not the most romantic, that it is quite sweet).

As for knowing intentions, you don't Have to ask if she wants to go on a date (though you can), but if you don't, where and when you go often says it for you. Unless she knows it's a date, the arcade in the middle of the day may be interpreted as you want to be friends. Similarly, dinner typically = date.
And, if you ask her to 'do something sometime' and suggest dinner and she then suggests going with a group to the mall (or other), she very likely understood and doesn't want to go on a date. If she says yes to dinner, she likely thinks it's a date.

It sounds complicated, and i guess it kind of is. I only know these things from the viewpoint of a girl, past-dates, and a lot of broken hearts, but it will get easier.

I hope this helps a little bit.

Thanks for your helpful answer, I appreciate you took time to answer with such detail. Couple questions though, inner peace can be hard to obtain and when you really don't look like much/didn't accomplish much in life its hard to feel at peace with yourself. I don't know how to change that honestly.
As for your suggestion I am a big videogame geek, which is really hard to find girls based on that since most girls I meet live anywhere from hundreds to thousands of miles away.
As for it getting easier I somewhat doubt that, I must reiterate that by no means am I saying women have it easier but as I guy I gotta put in the leg work here and my legwork isn't all that great, to top it off my self esteem is at this point under the earth itself.

EXACTLY!! !



@Aaendi: If you try to make up a lie like *that* it will backfire on you with some very unpleasant consequences. People will not believe you and she'll think you're crazy and accuse you of being the stalker which could land you in serious trouble.

It worked for me. The girls who were spreading rumors apologized after they realized they couldn't outsmart me, and soon after that I was able to interact with women on my Facebook again after they admitted to everyone that their rumors about me are fake.

Lying that some girl you have a crush on who won't give you the time of day will make YOU come off as a delusional creep!

I never had a crush on them.

I might as well answer everybody's questions before they ask them:

"So why we're you in the friendzone?"
Because they were spreading rumors that I was into them when I wasn't.

"So why were you so pissed about being friendzoned if you never wanted sex in the first place?"
Because, they were ruining my chances of meeting OTHER women by the rumors they were spreading.

"I thought you said you weren't interested in meeting or dating women?"
I was interested in meeting OTHER women, just not THEM!

Last edited by Aaendi on 13 Feb 2016, 3:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In gradeschool and perhaps in some college environments this works, but lemme tell ya kiddo.....When you become an adult it really doesn't.

I'm glad it might've helped..if only a bit

Starting at the bottom, i thought about it after i posted, and realized...Some parts get easier. Some remain hard as every new date is a different person.
As a girl, i had to learn that a lot of guys i met were thrown by the girl making the first move. I was always of the mindset that if i liked someone, i'd ask them out and if we went out there was nothing wrong with me initiating the first kiss. But learning the hard way and watching a lot, whatever the reason, there was often the notion that the guy was supposed to do that and if the girl did, it was aggressive and off-putting. And there seemed to be something there to the concept of even some unconventional guys and girls being interested in the chase/enigma. A girl who just says "hi, i like you. Do you want to go out sometime?" completely crushes any enigma.

So, from the standpoint of it being easier for one side vs the other, i think it's really only easier for the many "average" people who instinctively understand the social norms. And, keep in mind, the whole time you're wondering if she likes you, she's wondering the same. On a date you're wondering if you can kiss her, she's wondering if you want to/will.

As for video game girls, another guy might have more ideas on this than i do. If that is something you really want in a girl, i'd suggest the usual meetup groups - even starting one in your area if it doesn't exist.. Probably things you've heard and thought of before. One thing i would add though, from my experience - i liked a lot of 'guy' things. I was the only girl in the group regularly playing Tekken (i was almost always Nina though ) and similar games. But at times, i became one of the guys to the guys.
I didn't wear dresses, never owned a purse (that's what pockets are for), and so on, but i was still a girl who would be interested in dating some of them had they seen me differently.

My point there being that you'll probably encounter a few girls like that. And, given your interests, they may be a great match for you. So, here and there, maybe look at her again? Despite lack of daily frilly things, she might be a great person to ask on a date and might be right in front of you.


Regarding just being okay with yourself, yeah, i guess in some ways it might be easier to follow the laundry list of things to wear, say, and act. I'm still thinking about how to reply to this one..so, to be continued.

I find it strange that you say gradeschool and some college environments. Surely there can't be similarity between gradeschool and any college environment.