Is it unfair of me to ask my gf for a prenup in this case?

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Okay thanks. The reason why I went to see the lawyer without telling her is because I talked about it with some people online before to get some advice and they said that I should see a lawyer before bringing up the prenup with her, so therefore, I know what I am talking about, cause I could be making too big of a deal out of it. So I was told to explore my legal options first before discussing it with her.

I took the advice and went but I guess that was a mistake.

As for communication issues, yes we should work on that. But when I try to communicate with her, I found her to be very stubborn on the issue. She says that I am choosing love over money and I am lopping her into a category unjustifiably by wanting her to sign one. She says that I have to agree to no prenup or she will not marry me and it's a yes or no situation.

http://www.aish.com/f/m/48938377.html
Communication - the Key to a Good Marriage
Effective communication means verbalizing needs and listening carefully.

These are some pretty big red flags. I can understand her desire for financial security, but it seems that she is a little more interested in your money than everyone expected. I am sure that she is a more decent person than we are seeing in this thread, because threads tend to only focus on the negative, but she really should see the prenuptial agreement as a responsible and mature decision on your part. Not as a threat.

Check the Co-Habitation laws in your state. If they are more relaxed, you can continue to stay with her without getting married while the two of you work on her issues.

I don't like the sound of your gf's behaviour, it raises red flags to me. Why can't she negotiate with you, instead of panic and threats? That being said, distress at the thought of a prenup does not, to me, mean anticipating divorce. You have to remember, what people don't seem to, that you can end up divorced whether you ever wanted it or not. Sometimes people just up and divorce *you*.

Personally I don't think its fair to leave the marriage with what you arrived with, because even now,
women are not equal in terms of work and pay, and if they have children, more so. If you have a business and house, she would inevitablty help you with those one way or another, and then get nothing. I speak as a female who can't earn
much at all, but who has saved and saved my 2 husbands' incomes and worked hard in other ways.
My first husband, when he left me, his finances fell apart badly, and my 2nd, was in a mess when I
met him but now is not. But I earn about $100 a week, as I am overeducated, underexperienced,
over 50, and an aspie.

Have you considered, having a prenup that allows for this, and gives her something?

A relationship should be about love so a prenup shouldn't really matter.

Suppose you got married without a prenup, and there was a divorce, maby even a bad one - would you want her owning 50% of your company, maby having to sell the house because you couldn't decide who gets what?

Ask yourself that, and it the question of a prenup or not becomes easily a question of marriage or not. It is not wrong to protect yourself against a potential golddigger. IMO, whatever you guys made together in a marriage, that she can have a part of in a divorce, but whatever you bring IN should be protected.

I get serious bad vibes from reading about her and i would never get married to her.
(But then i'm not interested in marriage either...)

@ironpony

Life lessons - you are getting some very stark ones right now.

Fact: Money exposes people for what they really are. That's why business has so much litigation in it.

1. She is using manipulation, coercion and threats to get her way.
This is your final warning of her true nature. She will ALWAYS be that way.

2. Her views of marriage and all the love and trust unicorn BS is 100% selfish.
Money and trust don't get along. Protect what you worked hard for.

3. She feel ENTITLED to YOUR resources if things end badly. You KNOW she isn't entitled to anything BUT the fact that she EXPECTS to get your money shows her true colours. Somethin' for nuthin'......typical

4. She says this is about love and trust yet she is the one focused on securing entitlement to the money. If she only wants you and cares only about love why is she freaking out?

It makes me sick to see her attitude. Not all girls are this way, but many are.

She wants that $$$$$ SO badly , that she would rather destroy your relat. than sign.....pathetic

She places more importance on it than on her 'love' of you.......very sad.

You're a good man, i can tell ......you deserve better treatment than this. Look how much stress and pain she is creating....shakes head*

when my husband and i got married seven years ago, he had a lot more money than me. his only concern was that i'd always be taken care of. unknown to me, even before we were married, he made me his beneficiary in his will. now i'll likely be making enough to triple his resources. do you think i want to shield any of it from him? no way.

Saw this thread from a link in a diff post. Interesting stuff.

I see very little point to prenups. A marriage is supposed to be a long-term commitment that joins to people into one entity. Taking my wife from me would be like removing a body part. I don't define myself as an individual with rights anymore. I prefer to define myself as "Us," and what happens to ourselves happens to us both. What legal marriage does is it provides legal protections to couples. It allows you to live together and hold possessions in common. If the unthinkable happened and you divorced, you'd simply split joint assets right down the middle, agree on who gets the TV and what goes on eBay. You have lawyers and judges for the legal heavy-lifting and just like that it's over.

The only reason I'd do a prenup would be if I'd been married before, had children, and specifically designated my assets to be divided up a certain way on my death. My second surviving wife would get a life estate, naturally, and my children would get whatever they wanted as long as my widow had all she needed. I might have her agree to a prenup for the sake of my children who might be afraid of a stepmother claiming my estate as joint assets in the event of a divorce. It's not that I don't have faith in her or our marriage. It's just that I care that my children feel secure. Divorce really isn't a part of my vocabulary. Divorce is really only reserved for something so catastrophic that the relationship couldn't possibly be repaired (wife cheats on me, gets pregnant, won't give child up for adoption. Judge me if you want, but that's a dealbreaker for me).

I don't believe in NFD/ID. It's stupid. The only real reason for those is somebody wants out of the marriage, she has dirt on her spouse, and she's giving him a quick, easy, humiliation-free out.

And yet so many marriages do fail and go the NFD/ID route. So if you have a lot at stake, even if it's a good deal and good match and it never comes to divorce, a prenup will go a long way to building trust and security with your legacy. Beyond that, I see no point in a prenup.