Do we have a chance at dating the really attractive ones?

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Here's an idea:

Why don't we let men discuss the trials inherent to being men without butting-in and turning it into some kind of inane feminist issue?

Full disclosure: I was never one of "the really pretty ones."

I'm attractive enough (nice shiny brown hair, hazel eyes, some cute freckles in the summer time, decent complexion, 5'7-ish, high enough metabolism that I still have a decent figure even after 4 kids), but no stunning beauty. Pretty plain. Exacerbated by the fact that, frankly, any attempts I might make to fool with hair, clothes, and makeup just make me look like a clown.

I never understood the tendency to rate physical attractiveness so highly in a partner. I guess it matters if you are looking for "arm candy." I never was. Physical attractiveness has little to no bearing on a person's ability to make intelligent decisions, stick around for the long haul, and deal when life gets real. It's a meaningless trait that we have been conditioned to rate very highly in the name of selling product.

Regardless of how beautiful someone is in their 20's, we're all going to finish the game old, either fat or skinny as a rake, and saggy, with thinning hair (or none at all) and liver spots. Assuming we live long enough to get there.

Material wealth is also ephemeral. All it takes to write a riches-to-rags story is a few bad decisions (and we all make them) and a couple bad breaks.

So, you know, why not pick someone for their mind and personality?? Why not attempt to cultivate yourself into a person who possesses kindness (which DOES NOT mean letting people walk all over you), some decent listening skills (you DO NOT need NT social skills to simply let someone talk and attempt to process the words coming out of their mouths), compassion (you DO NOT need perfect affective empathy to be able to demonstrate that you care, at least not unless the person you are trying to demonstrate it to is so shallow and socially constructed that they are frankly not worth your time anyway), and integrity, and then live your life on the lookout for someone else who values those things??

It's not an MRA/feminist thing, because I have found that women also are conditioned (or maybe hardwired) to value really stupid things in a partner (and then wonder why the pretty boy they fell in lust with can't hold a job, won't help with the kids, and treats them like s**t).

I don't get it.

I might be the only person who feels the way I do about it, but I would say that physical appearance can often be a reflection on things like "personality," etc. People who really are lazy are going to show it in their physical appearance. Of course, other people have other issues. I recall feeling attracted to a girl once who was every bit (physically and personality) what I look for in what I consider attractive and datable. And then I saw her smile. Tale-tell signs of meth-mouth.

Meth-mouth is a turn-off to begin with. But her lack of attractiveness was due to something else that made her doubly-unattractive. If we're being honest, appearances say a lot about a person. No, not EVERYTHING, and yes, I've dated overweight women before. One absolutely wonderful girl and the other not so. I try to see good, attractive qualities in EVERYONE without regard to appearance. But typically the more I get to know someone of certain body types, the more their personalities and behaviors confirm my suspicions.

By the way, "personality" is by no means a good way to judge a person, either. It's just as superficial as someone's BMI. I can fake my personality, becoming an extrovert, smiling, being nice to people, and whatever. There's only just so long anyone can keep up an act. When people get to know me, and I mean more the "real me," the less interesting they think I am. Which is partly why I strongly feel that rather than trying to mask the "real you," it's best to get other people to talk while you step back and just listen. People don't HAVE to get to know the "real you" unless they are genuinely interested, and you don't have to make a huge effort keeping up a charade. If you actually care about someone, you show it by making them feel important when you listen to what they have to say. That in turn will compensate for any physical and personality deficiencies you may have. THAT is all it takes to make you attractive.

Besides, personality can be a lot more dangerous than physical appearance. Like the friendly stranger in the black sedan who lures young people with pictures and candy. Trust in personality and you might end up with someone like Eli:

Sorry to be a doubting Thomas but are you really unattractive or do you just have low self-esteem, causing you to think you're less attractive than you actually are?Not just arm candy. I'm attracted to highly ambitious girls. Not layabout girls. I'm attracted to strong women but they need not be physically strong, they might have strong willpower.And I especially like highly intelligent women. Unintelligent women turn me off like a light switch.Au contraire! Obesity means a person lacks the ability to make intelligent decisions as to diet and exercise. It also means they can't handle delayed gratification (can't save that second helping of dessert for tomorrow). According to the Standford Marshmallow Experiement, the ability to delay gratification is instrumental to wealth and prosperity. (e.g. an impatient person will want to play video games right now but a patient person will finish their term paper first, an inpatient person will want to buy a new car right now but a patient person will invest the money and get more money later).

Other examples? A wrinkled face may indicate a lifetime of smoking, especially if they look old before their time. I would seriously doubt a smoker's ability to to make intelligent decisions! Arms covered in ugly self-harm scars indicates the subject has mental health problems. Any problem which indicates the subject has poor impulse control casts doubt on their ability to stay with you for a life long relationship. Impulsive people might leave you on a whim. People who can delay gratification can stick it out through good times and bad.Or was it conditioned into us by million years of evolution?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facial_symmetry
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/ ... aling.html
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 40859.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waist%E2%80%93hip_ratioThis is true. That's why I don't like dating women who are older than me. All people will get old one day (if they live that long) but if there's a choice between dating someone who'll have her fortieth birthday ten years from now and someone who'll have her fortieth birthday twenty years from now, I would prefer the latter.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... d-get.html

One thing that I've noticed is that more than half of women want to have kids. I'm reluctant to have kids at all but if I do I'd like to wait a year or ten so that I can be financially successful before I undertake the extremely expensive task of raising a child. I believe it would be irresponsible and harmful to the child if I attempted to raise him or her without enough money (I should at least make a downpayment on a house first). The younger women I've spoken to talk about having children in the more distant future. A 19 year old could afford to wait ten years or more but a 35 year old might be in a hurry to have kids while she still can. Of course this time limit doesn't apply to me.

http://metro.co.uk/2012/10/18/worlds-ol ... rs-602775/This is very true!I would, I would! As I've alluded to, I'd like to date a highly intelligent girl. An ambitious girl. A charismatic girl. (and most of all a girl who doesn't have borderline personality disorder).

Would I chose a kind girl or a pretty girl? It bugs me the way people talk as though kindness and good looks are mutually exclusive. As though all kind girls are ugly and all pretty girls are obnoxious. This is not the case. There is no inverse correlation between kindness and good looks (and if you think there is, you're unfairly characterising attractive women.

Kindness and good looks. From these two variables we can infer four combinations. There are women who both are unkind and unattractive. There are women who are kind and unattractive. There are women who are unkind yet attractive and there are women who are both kind and attractive.

It is not a dichotomy between good looks and good personality. No law of science prevents both from existing in the same person. The same for intelligence. The stereotype that attractive girls are unintelligent is just that, a stereotype.

It may seem like I'm employing high standards. You bet I am! If I'm going to spend the rest of my life with one person I will certainly need her to meet high standards. I can't spend all my days with some random woman.

Settling for a partner is a terrible idea. The wrong personality could lead to years or arguing and/or divorce.

I used to think that the odds of me finding a partner were a million to one and that if I found one, the only necessary criteria she would have to exhibit was a willingness to be my girlfriend. Last year I was with a girl who met that criteria and only that criteria. The results were not pleasant. The lesson learned was - Don't Settle!

I know one girl who always goes after unemployed/unemployable guys. She could go after a guy with a steady job.

I don't get it either.

Recently I've had interest from some very pretty girls who are also smart and kind and ambitious and charismatic.

So to answer my own question, yes we aspies can date the really attractive ones. Not only attractive by appearance, not only attractive by personality but both at the same time

Couldn't we just leave it as that person posted a rude comment, instead of dragging politics into it. I am so sick of hearing about SJWs all the time, such an over-used term.

How is WP SJW land?

And I have to wonder why some people stick around here, if you think the vast majority of users on this site are over-sensative cry baby SJWs? Hell might as well promote it as the new stereotype for people with aspergers and on the autism spectrum.

WP is defo SJW land. But I have to say this for WP, it's not not even remotely as bad as it was two years ago. There have been some especially brutal feminists here. At least two I know about were apparently banned while two or three almost actually worth talking to left on their own. Even at the current SJW level, WP really isn't all that bad.

I remember those years. Fortunately things have improved since then. It seems like the culture is turning away from that extreme. Not just on WP but the culture in general. This is very fortunate.

I'm certainly glad those posters were banned. As XFilesGeek said, we should be free to discuss the issues affecting us without someone accusing us of being an unemployed loser or a whining crybaby.

That type of talk solves nothing. Fortunately we're moving to a culture where all people can have their issues taken seriously.

Edit: Never mind. They lurk here to look at my posts, so...I said nothing.

Last edited by Grammar Geek on 18 Dec 2016, 11:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Isn't it against forum rules to discuss banned members? Or is it OK as long as you don't mention them by name?

WP isn't SJW-land but it contains SJWs. Fortunately they are in the minority on WP.

I wouldn't want to se WP turn into MRA-land either. Some of those guys take things too far. There are forums where they act exactly like the feminist stereotypes of MRAs - openly misogynist. There are other forums where they hypocritically dismiss feminist fear mongering and then employ the exact same type of fear mongering themselves, where they say that only men have problems and that women live carefree lives.

We all have problems. If you think you know someone who doesn't have any problems in their life, you don't know them very well.

Sorry, I didn't realize.

No need to apologise, I was just curious if it is OK as long as no one is mentioned by name.