Why its too late for me

Post Reply New Topic

What's considered "socially acceptable" varies a lot from one culture to another. For example, different cultures vary a lot in their expectations regarding eye contact.

IMO the best place for an autistic person to live is in a highly multicultural neighborhood with immigrants from all over the world and no one dominant ethnic group. In such a neighborhood, there's no need to worry about "fitting in." All you need, in order to get along with most of your neighbors, is basic courtesy.

No, not really. Sex isn't a public social thing - it's a personal private one. So it isn't apparent to society at large what someone's sexual orientation is if they're not having sex in public and putting it on full display. Same cannot be said for peoples' rude or otherwise unacceptable behaviours in public/in social settings.

That's a reasonable tip. It's extremely diverse where I live And even more so at the beach I hang out at. Probably helps a lot of weirdos blend in.

More often than not, what is deemed "unacceptable behavior" is not harmful or problematic; it is only unacceptable because it deviates from the norm dictated by the majority. It is a arbitrary artificial standard used support and reinforce prejudices.

Examples of behaviors which have been deemed "unacceptable" include:

Having a skin color that differs from the majority.
Marrying someone of the same sex.
Marrying someone with a different skin color than yours.
Expressing an opinion or engaging in a discussion while female.
Being educated while female.
Owning a business while female.
Leading while female.
Not speaking the dominant local language fluently and with the dominant local accent and dialect.
Requiring assistance to afford food, shelter, education, or healthcare.
Not practicing the dominant majority religion, attending its churches, or worshiping its deities.
Being critical of political and/or religious figureheads.
Speaking up when abused.
Having an unpopular opinion.
Teaching new and unfamiliar ideas.
Challenging popular beliefs.
Being poor.
Having a disability.
Being lefthanded.
Exhibiting sings of AS or ASD.

Not being rude is something even neurotypicals have to learn. While it takes longer for aspies, we can learn to greet people and say "excuse me", "please", "thank you", etc. Accidently insulting people is something I occasionally struggled with as a child. But I was able to learn from experience and have not had this problem as an adult. Being autistic =/= being rude.

The more nuanced subtilties of eye contact and body language are completely arbitrary and differ wildly from one culture to another. They have nothing to do with politeness. If someone deems me rude for my inability to maintain eye contact, the problem is their prejudice.

The mental breakdowns many of us experience are caused by the prejudice and abuse we've endured our entire lives, not by our autism.

Objectively harmful behaviors, like theft or violence, have never been linked to autism.

I disagree. Just because you're not f**king in front of everybody doesn't mean people don't know you're in a relationship.

If people were content to keep their true selves and their relationships hidden from society, they wouldn't have been fighting for generation for acceptance and equality.

This is absurd.

WTF???? (pun intended)

Sexual activity is private, but romantic relationships usually have a public aspect, and all the more so does marriage. Are you not aware that there is such a thing as same-sex marriage these days????


There's a big difference between basic courtesy (which most autistic people are capable of learning) and the ability to fit into a narrow cultural norm.

Your examples are bonkers.

Skin colour is not equatable to someone saying or doing something rude. None of your examples are comparable to behaviours that are socially unacceptable because they are considered rude or inappropriate. There is a snowball’s chance in Hell that rude/inappropriate behaviour is ever going to become acceptable. Full stop.

Disagree all you want, but how in the hell is anyone going to know I’m gay unless I have gay sex in their presence ???

Sexual orientation is completely different from observable behaviours people don’t like. Period.

I’m very well aware of gay marriage and couples etc. All of that is fairly common where I live. But bigotry and intolerance still happens here, too.

Anyways, PDA is not a requirement of anyone. No one must put their sexual orientation or relationship on display for others. I know plenty of gay/bi people who simply just go about their lives with everyone else without putting their sexual orientation on blast - it’s a private and personal thing for many for many different reasons.

I know you're gay. And you've never had gay sex in my presence.



Sexual orientation is an observable behavior. You may not be f**king another man in the middle of a public square. But you do flirt, go on dates, kiss, go on vacations, go Christmas gift shopping, and all other manners of activities with your partner or perspective partners. When/if you get married, it will be publicly known.

Many people don't like LGBTQ because of their prejudices. People don't like aspies and autistics for the same reason.

You're victim blaming.

You know because I've told you, not because you've observed it.

I've been gay my whole life and have never done any of those things in public for others to observe/opine on or judge.

No, I'm not.

You've never taken a date out to dinner?

Heterosexuals certainly feel free to do all those things in public.

These days, more and more gays do too, at least if they happen to live in large cosmopolitan cities.

If you don't, that's clearly a sign of oppression. Do you not agree?

It's not common----but gay people do express affection in public in NYC.

At least in most places in North America, as far as I am aware, hiding a relationship requires much more effort than simply, passively, "not putting it on display for others."

In most places, one's family and/or relationships are a staple of small talk. Avoiding these topics makes you conspicuous by their absence. Therefore, to successfully conceal being gay, a man must actively lie about nonexistent girlfriends.

Perhaps you live in one of the very few places in North America where families and relationships are NOT a staple of small talk?


Do you think it's "pathological" to want the same rights other people have???

Research shows that lonely people have considerably shorter lifespans. My loneliness is literally killing me, and nobody cares.

So why is it that when I decide to have some actual f***ing agency in matter and end my life on my terms, all of a sudden everyone loses their minds?!

Kinda sorta but not really, no.

I mean, I’ve taken a friend I was very interested in out for dinner a couple times - but I wouldn’t call it a date, more just friends out for dinner.

Same for taking a friend with benefits out for an unplanned dinner a few times, more like we’re just hanging out and hungry so grab a donate or whatever while out.

I’ve never really had a dating life/relationship, only an active sex life. Gay guys into the hookup scene skip the whole dating courtship thing entirely and just meet up for sex. Extremely efficient and cost effective that way vs the $100+ per date heterosexual guys have to spend a few times over before getting laid.

No one I’ve been especially interested in has had mutual feelings, so never dated anyone. Still had an extremely active sex life, though!

I’m currently far more attracted to a current fwb than I should be considering all the red flags about their life at the moment (drugs vs sobriety) But they’re not as attracted to me as I am them sooo chances are it will remain a long term friendship w/ benefits thing and that’s okay too.